So he took to his darling old IDOLS again, And, just mending their legs and new bronzing their faces, In open defiance of gods and of men, Set the monsters up grinning once more in their places! WREATHS FOR THE MINISTERS. AN ANACREONTIC. HITHER, Flora, Queen of Flowers! From the King's well-odour'd Road, Breathes the dust and quaffs the mud! First you must then, willy-nilly, Find me next a poppy-posy, Next, our C-STL-R-GH to crown, That's enough-away, away— I leave the rest; so, prithee, haste! The ancients, in like moaner, crowned their lares, or household gods. See Juvenal, sat. 9. v. 138. Plutarch too tells us that household gods were then, as they are now, much given to war and penal statutes.» εριννυώδεις και ποινικούς δαίμονας. 2 Certain tinsel imitations of the Shamrock, which are distributed by the servants of C-n House every Patrick's-day. THE NEW COSTUME OF THE MINISTERS. -Nova monstra creavit. OVID. Met. lib. i. ver. 437. HAVING sent off the troops of brave Major CAMAC, His coat he next views-but the coat who could doubt' For his Y-RM-TH's own frenchified hand cut it out; Every pucker and seam were made matters of state, And a grand Household Council was held on each plait ' Then whom shall he dress? Shall he new rig his brother, So what's to be done?—there's the MINISTERS, bless 'em' Of his heaven-born statesmen, to come and be dress'd. And first puts in hand my Lord Chancellor ELD-N. OCCASIONAL ADDRESS. For the Opening of the New Theatre of St St-ph-n, intended to have been spoken by the Proprietor, in full Costume, on the 24th of November. THIS day a New House, for your edification, That model of princes, the Emperor Commodus, was particularly luxurious in the dressing and ornamenting of his hair. His conscience, however, would not suffer him to trust himself with a barber, and be used, accordingly, to burn off his beard. Timore tonsoris, say Lampridius.-(Hist. August. Scriptor.) The dissolute Ælius Verus, too, was equally attentive to the decoration of bis wig.-(See Jul. Ce pitolin.) Indeed, this was not the only princely trait in the character of Verus, as he had likewise a most hearty and dignified contempt for his wife.-See bis insulting answer to her in Spartianus. As for actors, we've got the old Company yet, And, considering they all were but clerks t' other day, You remember, last season, when things went perverse on, We had to engage (as a block to rehearse on) We expect too-at least we've been plotting and planning Το get that great actor from Liverpool, C-NN-NG; And, as at the Circus there's nothing attracts Like a good single combat brought in 'twixt the acts, If the Manager should, with the help of Sir P-PH-M, Get up new diversions, and C-NN-NG should stop 'em, Who knows but we 'll have to announce in the papers, Grand fight-second time-with additional capers. Be your taste for the ludicrous, humdrum, or sad, There is plenty of each in this House to be had; Where our Manager ruleth, there weeping will be, - For a dead hand at tragedy always was he; And there never was dealer in dagger and cup, Who so smilingly got all his tragedies up. Ilis powers poor Ireland will never forget, And the widows of Walcheren weep o'er them yet. So much for the actors.-For secret machinery, In taking my leave, now I 've only to say A few Seats in the House, not as yet sold away, May be had of the Manager, PAT C-STL-R-GH. But you'll find them good hard-working Tools, upon trying Were it but for their brass, they are well worth the buying; They are famous for making blinds, sliders, and screens, And they're, some of them, excellent turning machines! The first Tool I'll put up (they call it a Chancellor) Of some church that old women are fearful will fall; To pay ready money you sha'n't be distress'd, Come, where's the next Tool?-Oh! 't is here in a trice (A tenacious and close sort of Tool, that will let Might at last cost their owner-how much? why, a The next Tool I'll set up has hardly had handsel or Then said his little Soul, Peeping from her little hole, . I protest, little Man, you are stout, stout, stout, But, if 't is not uncivil, Pray tell me, what the devil Must our little, little speech be about, bout, bout, Must our little little speech be about?»> The little Man look'd big, And he call'd his little Soul to order, order, order, To jail, like Thomas Croggan, (As she was n't duke or earl) to reward her, ward her, ward her, As she was n't duke or earl, to reward her. The little Man then spoke, Little Soul, it is no joke, For, as sure as J-CKY F-LL-R loves a sup, sup, sup, I will tell the Prince and People What I think of Church and Steeple, And my little patent plan to prop them up, up, up, And my little patent plan to prop them up." Away then, cheek by jowl, Little Man and little soul And though oft, of an evening, perhaps he might prove, Like our brave Spanish Allies, « unable to move;1 LORD WELLINGTON AND THE MINISTERS. 1813. So gentle in peace Alcibiades smiled, While in battle he shone forth so terribly grand, That the emblem they graved on his seal was a child, With a thunderbolt placed in its innocent hand. Oh, WELLINGTON! long as such Ministers wield To the Editor of the Morning Chronicle. SIR,-In order to explain the following fragment, it is necessary to refer your readers to a late florid de Went, and spoke their little speech to a tittle, tittle, scription of the Pavilion at Brighton, in the apartments of which, we are told, FUM, The Chinese Bird of Royalty, is a principal ornament. I am, Sir, yours, ctc. MUM. FUM AND HUM, The two Birds of Royalty. REINFORCEMENTS FOR LORD WELLINGTON. ONE day the Chinese Bird of Royalty, Fum, suosque tibi commendat Troja penates, Hos cape fatorum comites.-VIRGIL. 1813. As recruits in these times are not easily got, we not, As the last and, I grant it, the worst of our loans to him, We may thus make them useful to England at last. Nay, I do not see why the great R-G-NT himself Though through narrow defiles he 's not fitted to pass, Yet who could resist if he bore down en musse? Thus accosted our own Bird of Royalty, Hum, In that Palace or China-shop (Brighton-which is it?) Where FUM had just come to pay Huм a short visit.— Near akin are these Birds, though they differ in nation (The breed of the HUMS is as old as creation), Both full-craw'd Legitimates—both birds of prey, Both cackling and ravenous creatures, half way 'T wixt the goose and the vulture, like Lord C-STL-8--GB; While FUM deals in Mandarins, Bonzes, Bohea— Peers, Bishops, and Punch, HUM, are sacred to thee! So congenial their tastes, that, when Fuм first did, light on The floor of that grand China-warehouse at Brighton, The lanterns, and dragons, and things round the dome Were so like what he left, Gad,» says Fuм, I'm at home, R Which the Bird, overhearing, flew high o'er his head, Which have spoil'd you, till hardly a drop, my old porpoise, Of pure English claret is left in your corpus; That while Fuм cried Oh Fo!» all the Court cried, And (as JIM says) the only one trick, good or bad, . Oh fie!, But a truce to digresion.-These birds of a feather Of the fancy you 're up to, is fibbing, my lad! round, You kick'd him, old BEN, as he gasp'd on the ground! «I say, Huм, says FUM-FUM, of course spoke Chi-Ay-just at the time to show spunk, if you'd got any— nese, But, bless you, that's nothing-at Brighton one sees - Foreign lingoes and bishops translated with ease I say Hum, how fares it with Royalty now? Is it up? is it prime? is it spooney-or how?" (The Bird had just taken a flash man's degree Kick'd him, and jaw'd him, and lagg'd him to Botany! ¡- Under B▬▬▬▬E, Y▬▬▬▬tH, and young Master Insult the fallen foe that can harm him no more. « As for us in Pekin»---here a devil of a din (Nota bene.-His Lordship and L-V-RP--L come, EPISTLE FROM TOM CRIB TO BIG BEN, Abi, mio Ben !-METASTASIO. 1 your 3 renown! WHAT! Ben, my old hero, is this But this comes, Master BEN, of your cursed foreign no- T is a thing that in every King's reign has been done, tions, |