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My wife, more careful for the latter-born,
Duke. Nay, forward, old man, do not break
For we may pity, though not pardon thee.
We were encounter'd by a mighty rock;
And would have reft the fishers of their prey,
Thus have you heard me sever'd from my bliss;
Duke. And, for the sake of them thou sor-
Do me the favour to dilate at full
To bear the extremity of dire mishap!
And passed sentence may not be recall'd,
Jail. I will, my lord.
Ege. Hopeless, and helpless, doth Ægeon wend,*
But to procrastinate his lifeless end. [Exeunt.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS and DROMIO of Syracuse,
Mer. Therefore, give out, yon are of Epi-
Lest that your goods too soon be confiscate.
Ant. S. Go bear it to the Centaur, where
And stay there, Dromio, till I come to thee.
Till that, I'll view the manners of the town,
Dro. S. Many a man would take you at your
And go indeed, having so good a mean.
[Exit DRO. S.
Ant. S. A trusty villain,; Sir; that very oft,
Mer. I am invited, Sir, to certain merchants,
Commends me to the thing I cannot get.
Dro. E. Return'd so soon! rather approach'd
The capon burns, the pig falls from the spit;
I. c. Servant.
She is so hot, because the meat is cold;
You have no stomach, having broke your fast;
Ant. S. Stop in your wind, Sir; tell me this, I pray ;
[you? Where have you left the money that I gave Dro. E. 0,-sixpence, that I had o'Wednesday last,
To pay the saddler for my mistress' crupper ;The saddler had it, Sir, I kept it not.
Ant. S. I am not in a sportive humour now: Tell me, and dally not, where is the money? We being strangers here, how dar'st thou trust So great a charge from thine own custody? Dro. E. I pray you, jest, Sir, as you sit at
I from my mistress come to you in post;
And strike you home without a messenger. Ant. S. Come, Dromio, come, these jests are out of season;
Reserve them till a merrier hour than this: Where is the gold I gave in charge to thee? Dro. E. To me, Sir? why you gave no gold
Ant. S. Come on, sir knave, have done your foolishness,
And tell me, how thou hast dispos'd thy charge.
[ney; In what safe place you have bestow'd my moOr I will break that merry sconce of yours, That stands on tricks when I am indispos'd: Where is the thousand marks thou hadst of me?
Dro. E. I have some marks of yours upon
Some of my mistress' marks upon my shoulders, But not a thousand marks between you both.-If I should pay your worship those again, Perchance, you will not bear them patiently. Ant. S. Thy mistress' marks! what mistress, slave, hast thou?
Dro. E. Your worship's wife, my mistress at the Phoenix; [ner, She that doth fast, till you come home to din And prays, that you will hie you home to dinner.
Ant. S. What, wilt thou flout me thus unto my face,
Being forbid? There, take you that, sir knave. Dro. E. What mean you, Sir? for God's sake, hold your hands; Nay, an you will not, Sir, I'll take my heels. [Exit DROMIO, E. Ant. S. Upon my life, by some device or
The villain is o'er-raught of all my money.
If it prove so, I will be gone the sooner.
SCENE I.—A public Place.
That in such haste I sent to seek his master!
Luc. Perhaps, some merchant hath invited him, [dinner, And from the mart he's somewhere gone to Good sister, let us dine, and never fret: A man is master of his liberty: Time is their master; and, when they see time, They'll go, or come: If so, be patient, sister. Adr. Why should their liberty than ours be
Luc. Because their business still lies out o'door.
Adr. Look, when I serve him so, he takes it ill.
Luc. O, know, he is the bridle of your will. Adr. There's none, but asses, will be bridled
Luc. Why, headstrong liberty is lash'd with
But hath its bound, in earth, in sea, in sky
Luc. Not this, but troubles of the marriage bed.
Adr. But, were you wedded, you would bear
Luc. Ere I learn love, I'll practice to obey. Adr. How if your husband start some other where?
Luc. Till he come home again, I would forbear.
Adr. Patience, unmov'd, no marvel though They can be meek, that have no other cause. A wretched soul, bruis'd with adversity, We bid be quiet, when we hear it cry; But were we burthen'd with like weight of pain, [plain : As much, or more, we should ourselves comSo thou, that hast no unkind mate to grieve thee, [me: With urging helpless patience would'st relieve But, if thou live to see like right bereft, This fool-begg'd patience in thee will be left.
Luc. Well, I will marry one day, but to try ;— Here comes your man, now is your husband nigh.
Enter DROMIO of Ephesus.
Adr. Say is your tardy master now at hand Dro. E. Nay, he is at two hands with me, and that my two ears can witness.
Adr. Say, didst thou speak with him? know'st thou his mind?
Dro. E. Ay, ay, he told his mind upon mine [it. Beshrew his hand, I scarce could understand
When I desir'd him to come home to dinner,
The pig, quoth I, is burn'd; My gold, quoth he: My mistress, Sir, quoth I; Hang up thy mistress;
I know not thy mistress; out on thy mistress! Luc. Quoth who?
Dro. E. Quoth my master:
Sister, you know, he promis'd me a chain;—
SCENE II.--The same.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse.
Ant. S. The gold, I gave to Dromio, is laid
How now, Sir? is your merry humour alter'd? As you love strokes, so jest with me again. You know no Centaur? you receiv'd no gold? mis-Your mistress sent to have me home to dinner? My house was at the Phoenix? Wast thou mad,
[tress; I know, quoth he, no house, no wife, no So that my errand, due unto my tongue, I thank him, I bear home upon my shoulders; For, in conclusion, he did beat me there.
Adr. Go back again, thou slave, and fetch him home.
Dro. E. Go back again, and be new beaten home?
For God's sake, send some other messenger. Adr. Back, slave, or I will break thy pate
Dro. E. And he will bless that cross with other beating:
Between you I shall have a holy head. Adr. Hence, prating peasant; fetch thy master home.
Dro. E. Am I so round with you, as you with me,
That like a football do you spurn me thus ? You spurn me hence, and he will spurn me hither:
If I last in this service, you must case me in leather. [Exit. Luc. Fie, how impatience lowereth in your face.
Adr. His company must do his minions
Whilst I at home starve for a merry look.
Adr. Unfeeling fools can with such wrongs dispense.
I know his eye doth homage otherwhere; Or else, what lets it but he would be here?
That thus so madly thou didst answer me? Dro. S. What answer, Sir? when spake I such a word?
Ant. S. Even now, even here, not half an hour since.
Dro. S. I did not see you since you sent me hence.
[me. Home to the Centaur, with the gold you gave Ant. S. Villain, thou didst deny the gold's
jest is earnest:
Upon what bargain do you give it me?
Ant. S. Because that I familiarly sometimes Do use you for my fool, and chat with you, Your sauciness will jest upon my love, And make a common of my serious hours.* When the sun shines, let foolish guats make sport, [beams. But creep in crannies, when he hides his If you will jest with me, know my aspect,t And fashion your demeanour to my looks, Or I will beat this method in your sconce.
Dro. S. Sconce, call you it? so you would leave battering, I had rather have it a head: an you use these blows long, I must get a sconce for my head, and insconce it too; or else I shall seek my wit in my shoulders. But, I pray, Sir, why am I beaten?
Ant. S. Dost thou not know?
Dro. S. Nothing, Sir; but that I am beaten. Ant. S. Shall I tell you why?
Dro. S. Ay, Sir, and wherefore; for, they say, every why hath a wherefore.
I. e. Intrude on them when you please.
+ Study my countenance.
A sconce was a fortification.
Ant. S. Why, first,--for flouting me; and | Some other mistress hath thy sweet aspects,
For urging it the second time to me. Dro. S. Was there ever any man thus beaten out of season?
When, in the why, and the wherefore, is neither rhyme nor reason?
Well, Sir, I thank you.
Ant. S. Thank me, Sir? for what? Dro. S. Marry, Sir, for this something that you gave me for nothing.
Ant. S. I'll make you amends next, to give you nothing for something. But say, Sir, is it dinner-time?
Dro. S. No, Sir; I think, the meat wants that I have.
Ant. S. In good time, Sir, what's that?
Ant. S. Well, Sir, then 'twill be dry.
Dro. S. Lest it make you choleric, and purchase me another dry basting.
Ant. S. Well, Sir, learn to jest in good time; There's a time for all things.
Dro. S. I durst have denied that, before you were so choleric.
Ant. S. By what rule, Sir?
I am not Adriana, nor thy wife.
How comes it now, my husband, oh, how comes it,
That thou art then estranged from thyself?
Dro. S. Marry, Sir, by a rule as plain as the And from my false hand cut the wedding ring, plain bald pate of father Time himself. Ant. S. Let's hear it.
Dro. S. There's no time for a man to recover his hair, that grows bald by nature. Ant. S. May he not do it by fine and recovery?
Dro. S. Yes, to pay a fine for a peruke, and recover the lost hair of another man.
Ant. S. Why is time such a niggard of hair, being, as it is, so plentiful an excrement?
Dro. S. Because it is a blessing that he be stows on beasts: and what he hath scanted men in hair, he hath given them in wit.
Ant. S. Why, but there's many a man hath more hair than wit.
Dro. S. Not a man of those, but he hath the wit to lose his hair,
Ant. S. Why, thou didst conclude hairy men plain dealers without wit.
Dro. S. The plainer dealer, the sooner lost: Yet he loseth it in a kind of jollity.
Ant. S. For what reason?
Dro. S. For two; and sound ones too.
Ant. S. Nay, not sure, in a thing falsing.
Ant. S. Name them.
Dro. S. The one, to save the money that he spends in tiring; the other, that at dinner they should not drop in his porridge.
Ant. S. You would all this time have proved, there is no time for all things.
Dro. S. Marry, and did, Sir; namely, no time to recover hair lost by nature.
Ant. S. But your reason was not substantial, why there is no time to recover.
Dro. S. Thus I mend it: Time himself is bald, and therefore, to the world's end, will have bald followers.
Ant. S. I knew, 'twould be a bald concluBut soft! who wafts us yonder? [sion:
Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA.
And break it with a deep-divorcing vow?
That he did buffet thee, and, in his blows
What is the course and drift of your compact?
Adr. How ill agrees it with your gravity,
Come, I will fasten on this sleeve of thine:
Adr. Ay, ay, Antipholus, look strange, and If aught possess thee from me, it is dross,
Usurping ivy, brier, or idle* moss;
Who, all for want of pruning, with intrusion
What, was I married to her in my dream?
Luc. Dromio, go bid the servants spread for dinner.
Dro. S. O, for my beads! I cross me for a sinner.
This is the fairy land ;-O, spite of spites!We talk with goblins, owls, and elvish sprites; If we obey them not, this will ensue, [blue. They'll suck our breath, or pinch us black and Luc. Why prat'st thou to thyself, and an
[sot! Dromio, thou drone, thou snail, thou slug, thou Dro. S. I am transformed, master, am not I? Ant. S. I think, thou art, in mind, and so am I.
Dro. S. Nay, master, both in mind, and in my shape.
Ant. S. Thou hast thine own form.
Luc. If thou art chang'd to aught, 'tis to an
Come, Sir, to dinner; Dromio, keep the gate :-
Ant. S. Am I in earth, in heaven, or in hell?
Dro. S. Master, shall I be porter at the gate? Adr. Ay; and let none enter, lest I break your pate.
Luc. Come, come, Antipholus, we dine too late. [Exeunt.
SCENE I.-The same. Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus, DROMIO of Ephesus, ANGELO, and BALTHAZAR.
Ant. E. Good signior Angelo, you must excuse us all ;
My wife is shrewish, when I keep not hours: Say, that I linger'd with you at your shop, To see the making of her carkanet,+
And that to-morrow you will bring it home. But here's a villain, that would face me down He met me on the mart; and that I beat him. And charg'd him with a thousand marks in
And that I did deny my wife and house :Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this?
That you beat me at the mart, I have your hand to show:
If the skin were parchment, and the blows you gave were ink, [think. Your own handwriting would tell you what I Ant. E. I think, thou art an ass. Dro. E. Marry, so it doth appear
By the wrongs I suffer, and the blows I bear. I should kick, being kick'd; and, being at that pass,
You would keep from my heels, and beware of
Ant. E. You are sad, signior Balthazar : 'Pray God, our cheer
May answer my good will, and your good welcome here.
Bal. I hold your dainties cheap, Sir. and your welcome dear.
Ant. E. O, signior Balthazar, either at flesh or fish,
table full of welcome makes scarce one dainty dish.
Bal. Good meat, Sir, is common; that every churl affords.
Ant. E. And welcome more common; for that's nothing but words.
Bal. Small cheer, and great welcome, makes a merry feast.
Ant. E. Ay, to a niggardly host, and more sparing guest:
But though my cates be mean, take them in good part; [heart. Better cheer may you have, but not with better But, soft; my door is lock'd; Go bid them let
Dro. E. Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicely, Gillian, Jen'!
Dro. S. [Within.] Mome,+ malt-horse, capon, coxcomb, idiot, patch !‡ Either get thee from the door, or sit down at the hatch:
Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call'st for such store,
When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the door.
Dro. E. What patch is made our porter? My
master stays in the street.
Dro. S. Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch cold on's feet.
Ant. E. Who talks within there? ho, open the door.
Dro. S. Right, Sir, I'll tell you when, and you'll tell me wherefore.
Ant. E. Wherefore? for my dinner; I have not din'd to-day.
Dro. S. Nor to-day here you must not; come again, when you may.
Ant. E. What art thou, that keep'st me out from the house I owe?
Dro. S. The porter for this time, Sir, and my name is Dromio.
Dro. E. O villain, thou hast stolen both mine office and my name; [blame. The one ne'er got me credit, the other mickle If thou had'st been Dromio to-day in my place, Thou would'st have chang'd thy face for a name, or thy name for an ass. Luce. [Within.] What a coil is there? Dromio, who are those at the gate? Dro. E. Let my master in, Luce. Luce. Faith no; he comes too late; And so tell your master.
Dro. E. O Lord, I must laugh :-
Dro. E. Say what you will, Sir, but I know Have at you with a proverb.-Shall I set in
what I know: