Ah! no-here his ardour would meet with delays, So, what's to be done?-there's the Ministers, bless 'em!- So saying, he calls C-stl-r-gh, and the rest Of his Heaveu-born statesmen, to come and be dress'd. In long tailors' measures (the P. ―e crying' Well done!') CORRESPONDENCE BETWEEN A LADY AND GENTLEMAN, UPON THE ADVANTAGE OF (WHAT IS CALLED) HAVING LAW ON one's side. COME, fly to these arms, nor let beauties so bloomy To one frigid owner be tied; Your prudes may revile, and your old ones look gloomy, Oh! think the delight of two lovers congenial, Whom no dull decorums divide; Their error how sweet, and their raptures how venial, When once they've got Law on their side! 'Tis a thing that in every king's reign has been done, too; If the father has done it, why shouldn't the son, too? And, e'en should our sweet violation of duty By cold-blooded jurors be tried, They can but bring it in a misfortune,' my beauty As long as we've Law on our side. THE LADY'S ANSWER. Hold, hold, my good sir! go a little more slowly, For, grant me so faithless a bride, Such sinners as we are a little too lowly, Had you been a great prince, to whose star shining o'er 'em The people should look for their guide, Then your Highness (and welcome!) might kick down decorum— Were you e'en an o'd Marquis, in mischief grown hoary, To the pleasures of vice, is alive to its glory- But for you, sir, crim. con. is a path full of troubles; By my advice therefore abide, And leave the pursuit to those princes and nobles OCCASIONAL ADDRESS. FOR THE OPENING OF THE NEW THEATRE OF ST. ST-PH-N, INTENDed to HAVE BEEN SPOKEN BY THE PROPRIETOR IN FULL COSTUME, ON THE 24TH OF NOVEMBER. THIS day a New House, for your edification, We open, most thinking and right-headed nation! Excuse the materials-though rotten and bad, They're the best that for money just now could be had; And, if echo the charm of such houses should be, You will find it shall echo my speech to a T. As for actors, we've got the old Company yet, The same motley, odd, tragi-comical set: And considering they all were but clerks t'other day, You remember last season, when things went perverse on, One Mr. V-ns-tt t, a good sort of person, Who's also employ'd for this season to play, In Raising the Wind,' and 'The Devil to Pay.' We expect too-at least we've been plotting and planning- Who knows but we'll have to announce in the papers, And the widows of Walcheren weep o'er them yet. So much for the actors-for secret machinery, In taking my leave now, I've only to say A few Seats in the House not as yet sold away, THE SALE OF THE TOOLS. Instrumenta regni.-Tacitus. HERE'S a choice set of Tools for you, gemmen and ladies, In that delicate service they're rather worn out; Though their owner, bright youth! if he'd had his own will, And their temper, like E- -nb'r- -h's none of the best, The first Tool I'll put up (they call it a Chancellor) 'Tis ready to melt at a half minute's notice. Who bids? Gentle buyer! 'twill turn as thou shapest- Of some church that old women are fearful will fall; Or better, perhaps (for I'm guessing at random), A heavy drag-chain for some lawyer's old Tandem. Will nobody bid? It is cheap, I am sure, sir— Come, where's the next Tool?-Oh! 'tis here in a trice- The next Tool I'll set up has hardly had handsel or Such dull things as these should be sold by the gross ; This blade first began by a flourish on leather! You shall have it for nothing-then marvel with me At the terrible tinkering work there must be, Where a tool such as this is (I'll leave you to judge it) LITTLE MAN AND LITTLE SOUL. A BALLAD TO THE TUNE OF " THERE WAS A LITTLE MAN, AND HE WOOET A LITTLE MAID,' DEDICATED TO THE RIGHT HON. CH-RL-S ABB-T. 'Arcades ambo Et cant-are pares.' THERE was a little Man, and he had a little Soul, To make up a little Speech, Just between little you and little I, I, I, Then said his little Soul, 'I protest, little Man, you are stout, stout, stout, Pray tell me what the devil Must our little, little speech be about, bout, bout, The little Man look'd big, With th' assistance of his wig, 1813. And he call'd his little Soul to order, order, order, Till she fear'd he'd make her jog in To jail like Thomas Croggan (As she wasn't Duke or Earl), to reward her, ward her, ward her, As she wasn't Duke or Earl, to reward her. The little Man then spoke, 'Little Soul, it is no joke, For as sure as J-cky F-ull-r loves a sup, sup, sup, I will tell the Prince and People What I think of Church and Steeple, And my little patent plan to prop them up, up, up, Away then, cheek by jowl, Little Man and little Soul Went and spoke their little speech to a tittle, tittle, tittle, That this priggish little pair Never yet in all their lives look'd so little, little, little, REINFORCEMENTS FOR LORD WELLINGTON. suosque tibi commendat Troja PENATES Hos cape fatorum comites.-Virgil. As recruits in these times are not easily got, 1813. And the Marshal must have them-pray, why should we not, Ship off the Ministry, body and bones to him? There's not in all England, I'd venture to swear, Any men we could half so conveniently spare, And, though they've been helping the French for years past, C-stl-r-gh in our sieges might save some disgraces, Nay, I do not see why the great R-g-t himself Should, in times such as these, stay at home on the shelf;- |