Dick's mind was like a patchwork quilt,

Made up of new, old, motley bits-
Where, if the Co. call'd in their shares,
If petticoats their quota got,
And gowns were all refunded theirs,

The quilt would look but shy, God wot.

And thus he still, new plagiaries seeking,
Revers'd ventriloquism's trick,

For, 'stead of Dick through others speaking,
"Twas others we heard speak through Dick.
A Tory now, all bounds exceeding,

Now best of Whigs, now worst of rats; One day, with Malthus, foe to breeding, The next, with Sadler, all for brats.

Poor Dick!-and how else could it be?
With notions all at random caught,
A sort of mental fricassee,

Made up of legs and wings of thought— The leavings of the last Debate, or

A dinner, yesterday, of wits,
Where Dick sat by, and, like a waiter,
Had the scraps for perquisites.

A CORRECTED REPORT OF SOME LATE SPEECHES.

"Then I heard one saint speaking, and another saint said unto that saint."

1834.

ST. S-NCL-R rose and declar'd in sooth,
That he wouldn't give sixpence to Maynooth.
He had hated priests the whole of his life,
For a priest was a man who had no wife,
And, having no wife, the Church was his mother,
The Church was his father, sister, and brother.
This being the case, he was sorry to say,
That a gulf 'twixt Papist and Protestant lay, 2
So deep and wide, scarce possible was it
To say even "how d'ye do?" across it :

1 "He objected to the maintenance and education of a clergy bound by the particular vows of celibacy, which, as it were, gave them the church as their only family, making it fill the places of father and mother and brother."-Debate on the Grant to Maynooth College, The Times, April 19.

"It had always appeared to him that between the Catholic and Protestant a great gulf intervened, which rendered it impossible," &c.

3 The Baptist might acceptably extend the offices of religion to the Presbyterian and the Independent, or the

And though your Liberals, nimble as fleas,
Could clear such gulfs with perfect ease,
'Twas a jump that nought on earth could make
Your proper, heavy-built Christian take.
No, no,-if a Dance of Sects must be,
He would set to the Baptist willingly, 3
At the Independent deign to smirk,
And rigadoon with old Mother Kirk ;
Nay even, for once, if needs must be,
He'd take hands round with all the three;
But, as to a jig with Popery, no,
To the Harlot ne'er would he point his toe.

St. M-n-d-v-le was the next that rose,-
A Saint who round, as pedlar, goes,
With his pack of piety and prose,
Heavy and hot enough, God knows,
And he said that Papists were much inclin'd
To extirpate all of Protestant kind,
Which he couldn't, in truth, so much condemn,
Having rather a wish to extirpate them;
That is, to guard against mistake, —

To extirpate them for their doctrine's sake;
A distinction Churchmen always make, —
Insomuch that, when they've prime control,
Though sometimes roasting heretics whole,
They but cook the body for sake of the soul.
Next jump'd St. J-hnst-n jollily forth,
The spiritual Dogberry of the North,+
A right" wise fellow, and, what's more,
An officer," like his type of yore;
And he ask'd, if we grant such toleration,
Pray, what's the use of our Reformation? 6
What is the use of our Church and State?
Our Bishops, Articles, Tithe, and Rate?
And, still as he yell'd out "what's the use?"
Old Echoes, from their cells recluse
Where they'd for centuries slept, broke loose,
Yelling responsive.
"What's the use?"

member of the Church of England to any of the other three; but the Catholic," &c.

4"Could he then, holding as he did a spiritual office in the Church of Scotland, (cries of hear, and laughter,) with any consistency give his consent to a grant of money?" &c. "I am a wise fellow, and, which is more, an officer." Much Ado about Nothing.

6"What, he asked, was the use of the Reformation? What was the use of the Articles of the Church of England, or of the Church of Scotland?" &c.

Nothing on earth being half such a bore as
Not knowing the difference 'twixt Virgins and

Floras.

Once more, love, farewell, best regards to the girls, And mind you beware of damp feet and new Earls. HENRY.

By breaking thus young donkies in
To draw M. P.s, amid the brays
Alike of donkies and M. A.s ;-
Defying Oxford to surpass 'em
In this new "Gradus ad Parnassum."

TRIUMPH OF BIGOTRY.

"COLLEGE.- -We announced, in our last, that Lefroy and Shaw were returned. They were chaired yesterday; the Students of the College determined, it would seem, to imitate the mob in all things, harnessing themselves to the car, and the Masters of Arts bearing Orange flags and bludgeons before, beside, and behind the car."

Dublin Evening Post, Dec. 20. 1832.

Ay, yoke ye to the bigots' car,
Ye chosen of Alma Mater's scions;-
Fleet chargers drew the God of War,
Great Cybele was drawn by lions,
And Sylvan Pan, as Poets dream,
Drove four young panthers in his team.
Thus classical L-fr-y, for once, is,
Thus, studious of a like turn-out,
He harnesses young sucking dunces,
To draw him, as their Chief, about,
And let the world a picture see
Of Dulness yok'd to Bigotry :
Showing us how young College hacks
Can pace with bigots at their backs,
As though the cubs were born to draw
Such luggage as L-fr-y and Sh-w.

Oh shade of Goldsmith, shade of Swift,
Bright spirits whom, in days of yore,
This Queen of Dulness sent adrift,

As aliens to her foggy shore; - 1
Shade of our glorious Grattan, too,

Whose very name her shame recalls; Whose effigy her bigot crew

Revers'd upon their monkish walls,-2 Bear witness (lest the world should doubt) To your mute Mother's dull renown, Then famous but for Wit turn'd out,

And Eloquence turn'd upside down; But now ordain'd new wreaths to win, Beyond all fame of former days,

TRANSLATION FROM THE GULL

LANGUAGE.

Scripta manet.

3

1833.

"Twas grav'd on the Stone of Destiny, 9 In letters four, and letters three; And ne'er did the King of the Gulls go by But those awful letters scar'd his eye; For he knew that a Prophet Voice had said, "As long as those words by man were read, "The ancient race of the Gulls should ne'er "One hour of peace or plenty share." But years on years successive flew, And the letters still more legible grew,— At top, a T, an H, an E,

And underneath, D. E. B. T.

See the lives of these two poets for the circumstances under which they left Dublin College.

2 In the year 1799, the Board of Trinity College, Dublin, thought proper, as a mode of expressing their disapprobation of Mr. Grattan's public conduct, to order his portrait, in the

Great Hall of the University, to be turned upside down, and in this position it remained for some time.

3 Liafail, or the Stone of Destiny, for which, see Westminster Abbey.