THE FUDGE FAMILY IN PARIS. Le Leggi della Maschera richiedono che una persona mascherata non sia salutata per nome da uno che la conosce malgrado il suo travestimento. - CASTIGLIONE. PREFACE. In what manner the following Epistles came into my hands, it is not necessary for the public to know. It will be seen by Mr. FUDGE's Second Letter, that he is one of those gentlemen whose Secret Services in Ireland, under the mild ministry of my Lord C-GH, have been so amply and gratefully remunerated. Like his friend and associate, THOMAS REYNOLDS, Esq., he had retired upon the reward of his honest industry; but has lately been induced to appear again in active life, and superintend the training of that Delatorian Cohort, which Lord S-DM-TH, in his wisdom and benevolence, has organized. Whether Mr. FUDGE, himself, has yet made any discoveries, does not appear from the following pages. But much may be expected from a person of his zeal and sagacity, and, indeed, to him, Lord S-DM-TH, and the Greenland-bound ships, the eyes of all lovers of discoveries are now most anxiously directed. doubtfully over various persons, has at last settled upon the head of a certain little gentleman, who wears it, I understand, as complacently as if it actually belonged to him; without even the honesty of avowing, with his own favourite author, (he will excuse the pun) Εγω δ' 'Ο ΜΩΡΟΣ αρας I can only add, that if any lady or gentleman, curious in such matters, will take the trouble of calling at my lodgings, 245. Piccadilly, I shall have the honour of assuring them, in propriâ personâ, that I am — his, or her, Very obedient And very humble Servant, THOMAS BROWN, THE YOUNGER. April 17. 1818. I regret much that I have been obliged to omit THE FUDGE FAMILY IN PARIS. Mr. BOB FUDGE's Third Letter, concluding the DEAR DOLL, while the tails of our horses are plaiting, The trunks tying on, and Papa, at the door, Into very bad French is, as usual, translating It will not, I hope, be thought presumptuous, if I take this opportunity of complaining of a very serious injustice I have suffered from the public. Dr. KING wrote a treatise to prove that BENTLEY "was not the author of his own book," and a similar absurdity has been asserted of me, in almost all the best-informed literary circles. With the name of the real author staring them in the face, they have yet persisted in attributing my works to other people; and the fame of the Twopenny Post-Bag-such as it is having hovered I have seen nothing yet very wonderful here; His English resolve not to give a sou more, How delightful! though, would you believe it, my No adventure, no sentiment, far as we've come, In vain did I think of his charming Dead Ass, By the by, though, at Calais, Papa had a touch HUIT Set the first of his own dear legitimate feet, 1 Stood to gaze on the spot - while some Jacobin, A thing, you know, whisker'd, great-coated, and lac'd, Like an hour-glass, exceedingly small in the waist: Quite a new sort of creatures, unknown yet to scholars, With heads, so immovably stuck in shirt-collars, That seats, like our music-stools, soon must be found them, To twirl, when the creatures may wish to look In short, dear, "a Dandy" describes what I mean, And goes now to Paris to study French dishes, A la braise, petits pâtés, and — what d'ye call that As dear Pa knows the titles of authors and books. As to Pa, what d'ye think ?-mind, it's all entre nous, Mutter'd out with a shrug, (what an insolent thing!) This is all that's occurr'd sentimental as yet; mance? France; At the special desire (he let out t'other day) exact words, And some picturesque beggars, whose multitudes To expound to the world the new-thingummie seem To recall the good days of the ancien régime, All as ragged and brisk, you'll be happy to learn, Our party consists (in a neat Calais job) science, Found out by the-what's-its-name-Holy Al liance, And prove to mankind that their rights are but folly, "There's none," said his Lordship, "if I may be judge, Half so fit for this great undertaking as FUDGE!" Pa flies to the Row (The first stage your tourists now usually go), But, Lord! he's quite alter'd - they've made him The matter's soon settled a Dandy; 1 To commemorate the landing of Louis le Désiré from England, the impression of his foot is marked out on the pier at Calais, and a pillar with an inscription raised opposite to Settles all for his quarto-advertisements, praises— Starts post from the door, with his tablets-French phrases LETTER II. "SCOTT's Visit," of course in short, ev'ry thing FROM PHIL. Fudge, Esq. to the lord VISCOUNT he has An author can want, except words and ideas : — And, lo! the first thing, in the spring of the year, IS PHIL. FUDGE at the front of a Quarto, my dear! But, bless me, my paper's near out, so I'd better Draw fast to a close: - this exceeding long letter You owe to a déjeûner à la fourchette, Which BOBBY would have, and is hard at it yet. What's next? oh, the tutor, the last of the party, Young CONNOR :-they say he's so like BONAPARTE, His nose and his chin - which Papa rather dreads, As the Bourbons, you know, are suppressing all heads That resemble old NAP's, and who knows but their honours May think, in their fright, of suppressing poor CONNOR'S ? Au reste (as we say), the young lad's well enough, Only talks much of Athens, Rome, virtue, and stuff; A third cousin of ours, by the way-poor as Job (Though of royal descent by the side of Mamma), And for charity made private tutor to BOB; Entre nous, too, a Papist-how lib'ral of Pa! This is all, dear,-forgive me for breaking off thus, P. S. Roi !! 1A celebrated mantua-maker in Paris. 2 This excellent imitation of the noble Lord's style shows how deeply Mr. Fudge must have studied his great original. Irish oratory, indeed, abounds with such startling peculiarities. Thus the eloquent Counsellor B, in describing some hypocritical pretender to charity, said, "He put his hand in his breeches-pocket, like a crocodile, and," &c. &c. C-ST-R-GH. Ar length, my Lord, I have the bliss While BONEY's borne on shoulders in :- The Ministers still keep their places. How oft, dear Viscount C—————GH, And spread, beyond man's usual share, At home, abroad, till thou art known, Like Major SEMPLE, every where! And marv'lling with what powers of breath Your Lordship, having speech'd to death Some hundreds of your fellow-men, Paris. Next speech'd to Sov'reigns' ears, and when All Sov'reigns else were doz'd, at last 3 The title of the chief magistrate of Belfast, before whom his Lordship (with the "studium immane loquendi " attributed by Ovid to that chattering and rapacious class of birds, the pies) delivered sundry long and self-gratulatory orations, on his return from the Continent. It was at one of these Irish dinners that his gallant brother, Lord S., proposed the health of "The best cavalry officer in Europe - the Regent !" Mid all the tributes to thy fame, So time is left to Emperor SANDY There's one thou should'st be chiefly pleas'd at- To be half Cæsar and half Dandy; That Ireland gives her snuff thy name, -GH's the thing now sneez'd at! And C But hold, my pen!-a truce to praising- But time and ink run short, and now, I must embark into the feature On which this letter chiefly hinges ;) — 1 And bay'nets, and the Duke commandingEnjoys a peace which, like the Lord's, Passeth all human understanding: Should fall, if left there loney-poney;— Remember when by thee reign'd over, Upon the side-board, snug reposes: 66 Transferr'd by contract, bless the clods! If half were strangled-Spaniards, Poles, And G GE the R-G-T (who'd forget For dragons, after Chinese models, And chambers where Duke Ho and Soo, Might come and nine times knock their And Frenchmen - 'twouldn't make much odds, And proves exactly Q. E. D. So Europe's goodly Royal ones, Sit easy on their sacred thrones ; So FERDINAND embroiders gaily, 3 And Louis eats his sulmi 4, daily; 1 Verbatim from one of the noble Viscount's Speeches "And now, Sir, I must embark into the feature on which this question chiefly hinges." 2 See her Letters. 3 It would be an edifying thing to write a history of the private amusements of sovereigns, tracing them down from the fly-sticking of Domitian, the mole-catching of Artabanus, the hog-mimicking of Parmenides, the horse-currying of Aretas, to the petticoat-embroidering of Ferdinand, and the patience-playing of the Pe R—t So now, with duty to the R-G-T, I am, dear Lord, Your most obedient, After dreaming some hours of the land of Cocaigne, 4 That Elysium of all that is friand and nice, Where for hail they have bon-bons, and claret for rain, And the skaiters in winter show off on creamice; Where so ready all nature its cookery yields, Your Logic and Greek, but there's nothing like Macaroni au parmesan grows in the fields; feeding; And this is the place for it, DICKY, you dog, A humbug, a flam, to the Carte 2 at old VERY'S; 'em A Jury of Tasters 3, with woodcocks before 'em? Give CARTWRIGHT his Parliaments, fresh every year; But those friends of short Commons would never do here; And, let ROMILLY speak as he will on the question, No Digest of Law's like the laws of digestion ! By the by, DICK, I fatten—but n'importe for that, "Tis the mode- your Legitimates always get fat. There's the R—G—T, there's LOUIS-and BONEY tried too, Little birds fly about with the true pheasant taint, And the geese are all born with a liver complaint! 5 I rise-put on neck-cloth-stiff, tight, as can be For a lad who goes into the world, DICK, like me, Should have his neck tied up, you know-there's no doubt of it Almost as tight as some lads who go out of it. With whiskers well oil'd, and with boots that "hold up "The mirror to nature" '—so bright you could sup Off the leather like china; with coat, too, that draws On the tailor, who suffers, a martyr's applause! I strut to the old Café Hardy, which yet But, though somewhat imperial in paunch, Of a breakfast in England, your curst tea and 'twouldn't do: See the Quarterly Review for May, 1816, where Mr. Hobhouse is accused of having written his book “in a back street of the French capital." 2 The Bill of Fare. Véry, a well-known Restaurateur. 3 Mr. Bob alludes particularly, I presume, to the famous Jury Dégustateur, which used to assemble at the Hôtel of M. Grimod de la Reynière, and of which this modern Archestratus has given an account in his Almanach des Gourmands, cinquième année, p. 78. 4 The fairy-land of cookery and gourmandise: “Pays, où le ciel offre les viandes toutes cuites, et où, comme on parle, les alouettes tombent toutes roties. Du Latin, coquère."Duchat. The process by which the liver of the unfortunate goose is enlarged, in order to produce that richest of all dainties, toast; 6 the foie gras, of which such renowned pâtés are made at Strasbourg and Toulouse, is thus described in the Cours Gastronomique: " On déplume l'estomac des oies; on attache ensuite ces animaux aux chenets d'une cheminée, et on les nourrit devant le feu. La captivité et la chaleur donnent à ces volatiles une maladie hépatique, qui fait gonfler leur foie," &c. p. 206. 6 Is Mr. Bob aware that his contempt for tea renders him liable to a charge of atheism? Such, at least, is the opinion cited in Christian. Falster. Amanitat. Philog, "Atheum interpretabatur hominem ad herba The aversum." He would not, I think, have been so irreverent to this beverage of scholars, if he had read Peter Petit's Poem in praise of Tea, addressed to the learned Huet-or the Epigraphe which Pechlinus wrote for an altar he meant to dedicate to this herb |