I was on the word, and of her belief of all the joys we received in Christ; but said she, still we cannot let you go, yet I see a needs-be for your remaining longer. I felt her words as powful as I ever felt the words of any creature, and I felt assured that she had prevailed, which made me weep. After they were gone, I went up into the bedroom, and fell on my face on the floor, wept before the Lord, ran over the things she had spoken, confesssed he had all power, and could heal me, and that what I had heard had really changed my views; and now I felt I was suspended between living and dying; between heaven and earth; between the enjoyment and company of the spirits of the just made perfect, and those of my family and friends in this wilderness. so distant and set apart from earthly things, and had my affections so gathered up in leaving this world, to be dissolved to be with Christ, that I grieved and wept at the thought of being again encumbered with the things of time and sense. I often and often cried out, Dear Saviour, cut the tie that holds me to the earth or that which draws me to heaven. Yet what Mrs Maddox had said was powerful to subject me, as was a letter I received from my mother, in which she said, she had been much distressed in hearing of my affliction, on account of my wife and children; she had frequently made it a matter of prayer, and was now come to this conclusion that this sickness is not unto death. From this I earnestly besought the Lord to satisfy my mind, and not suffer any circumstance to draw off my mind from that of soon passing into the heavenly world, unless it was his will to restore me. The case of Hezekiah, and the acts of our Lord in healing the sick, was read and prayed over, espe cially him mentioned in the 4th verse of the xivth chapter of St. Luke's gospel, And he took him, and healed him, and let him go." The 66 words seemed to be spoken to me. As soon as I had read the four first verses, I fell on the floor, and wept out an ejaculation, and talked with the Lord as David did, and said and confessed, that with him nothing is impossible; and when I rose up, I' felt an impression that he would remove the disorder, and that like Hezekiah it might be for fifteen years; yet this period was from my own mind, as I began to expect he would add to my years, therefore I often have said since, it might be like Hezekiah for fifteen years. It is but a few days since the fifteen years' have run out, and as I have been greatly afflicted since the 10th of March last, I have thought it might be so; but although I have passed through the days and am now alive," yet I have in my feeling and apprehension died. The disorder continued to threaten my death, and rage with power, which seemed to baffle the skill of the new doctor, for above a fortnight after this; therefore I became careful not to suffer my mind to run too much after health, until a circumstance occurred which was the first sign to me. I sat and saw the children eating damson pie, I craved for some of the syrup, which I took and drank half a tea-cup, and which remained on my stomach; I also ate some scarlet beans, which also remained; and for thirty-six hours the sickness did not return. wife got two quarts of damsons, which she stewed in a jar; I drank the juice without sugar, which I found had a better effect to keep down the sickness than physic, yet the fluid would rise up over me as before. One day the doctor left me three powders to be taken in six days; that was for the Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Before this time he had only sent one in two days. I took the two first as directed, but being extremely ill the Thursday, about 10 o'clock, I took the other powder, which towards My night brought a stupor over me; my pulse seemed to cease, my breath seemed spent, I was as one about to depart, and in my soul I looked for a most gracious manifestation of Jesus: but instead of which, during the night an evacuation of the fluid took place, which in a few days reduced me to a mere skeleton. I seemed to possess no more than bones, sinews, and skin; and then followed such weakness as can only be known by experience. I now saw I must return again to the things of this life, and earnestly desired the Lord to give me strength. In my illness a person brought me a book to read, which was written by a Mr. S. on the pre-existence of the soul of our Lord Jesus. Another brought me a book written by a Mr. H. on the divinity and perfection of man in this life. But after reading part of both these books, I told my friends the doctrine which those men taught was not profitable for this life, nor fit to die by. The Holy One showed me clearly that he was not the prompter nor inspirer of such things as these men taught. I told them I was as on the verge of eternity, and could protest as a dying man, that such doctrines were offensive to God and my soul. The Holy Spirit in his word had revealed the truth in Jesus, and confirmed my soul in that truth, and that with Melancthon on his death bed I could say, When the Lord first shewed me that I was a sinner by nature and practice, and lost to all hope in and of myself, my cry was God be merciful to me a sinner; and now I am drawing near to my end, this is still my cry, God be merciful to me a sin ner. Nature is nature still. My body is all corruption, and is under the sentence of death, it is of the earth, and must return to the earth. from which it will be restored by the power of Christ. My soul which hath been forty eight years an inhabitant of this sinful body was dead to God until it pleased the Lord to quicken it, and infuse strength in it, to resist the world the flesh and the devil, to give an appetite for things spiritual, to possess every faculty, as the will, the mind, the desire, the eyes, the ears, &c. to worship, adore, love and serve him in Christ Jesus. I am now waiting for the minute that will finish the work he hath long since begun, and hath carried on; then he will make me perfect and complete in himself. and make me meet to be a partaker of bliss with saints in glory. Thus I am convinced that H. is deceived, and as to Mr. S. he appeared to me as one too speculative. I could not but think if he had been occupied in those things that respect his own state and condition. as death, judg, ment and hell, which awful things are hanging over the wicked; and of love, mercy, pardon, a good hope, regeneration, repentance towards God and faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, which is clearly revealed, and had been cal led to suffer more of the afflictions of the people of God, he would not have had any relish for speculating,in the things which can yield no comfort or profit to the church, or unction to his own soul. This unprofitable speculating reminds me of a minister who preached with acceptance, some time ago now, for many years at my native place: some time before his death he became infatuated with the idea that he could find out perpetual motion. To accomplish this he spent his time and his money; to study this be neglected the study of God's most holy word: by this he became in debt, and was barren and lifeless in the pulpit and in his own soul, so that at last the church was compelled to dispense with his services. He came to London in 1815, and brought his many years' work with him, but which was utterly despised by the wise men of the world. He then threw himself on the clemency of some dissenting ministers. A friend of mine took a paper, expressing his case, to a few, and he waited upon them afterwards. Mr. G. C.'s family took pity on him, and providing him with clothes, linen and money, sent him back to the place from whence he came, where he soon after died. This shows in a forcible manner that those men who are engaged to preach the gospel of our salvation, and having preached it turn aside to vain jangling, or to a speculation of divine things, or of worldly things, is sure to wither and become feeble. I was at that time expecting soon to be dissolved, and to be filled with the fulness of God, so that when I read books that were only calculated to draw away the mind from the simplicity of Christ's gospel, I could not but pray to Him that seeth in secret, to be kept from all error. When I felt returning strength, the doctor recommended me to remove into the country, and though weak as a child I felt I must go. I was taken, at my desire, to a place about thirty-seven miles from town, as I had a desire to see the man who was first made useful to me. He was still alive, and I heard him preach twice, after which I called on him, and the time I spent with him was so sweet, that it was more like being with a disembodied spirit, than a man in a body of clay. I can never forget the heavenly and blessed conversation that passed between us of the things of God, the Father, Son and Spirit; of the battles we had been engaged in, and of the victories we had obtained through Christ Jesus. When I parted from him he blessed me in the name of the Lord. I said, Sir, you are a blessed, happy soul. During my stay in that place, I spent every evening in speaking of spiritual things with the person in whose house I lodged, and it was received with affection, and the conversations took such effect on the eldest son, that he could get no sleep the last night I was there. My first attempt to walk was ten I ing suddenly on a party of gypsies at the turn of a road which opened to a common, and once when I was surrounded by a vast drove of oxen. had not the least fear of want, nor of any thing else beside, it was a time of such love and remarkable indulgence, as I never before or since have enjoyed. I appeared to be filled with the fulness of the gospel of peace. But at last the day drew dear when I must again return to the situation I had filled for fifteen years, the very thought of which did at times distress me. The 20th of November, and most part of that night, was spent in prayer on that account, but more especially the morning of the 21st, when on my way to my work from which I had been absent seventeen weeks. I was very soon amid all the hurry and confusion of the place, yet the often repeating and singing this choice hymn of Dr. Watts much helped me : "He that hath made his refuge God, Shall find a most secure abode; It was with much sorrow and ex. treme reluctance that I again entered into the affairs of life, and mixed again with those that had no knowledge of God. The greetings and congratulations which I received on my return, did not at all correspond with my feelings and sorrow that I felt because I was again called to partake of the trials of my situation, to be occupied in hard labour, and in pounds, shillings and pence from the first thing on Monday morning till the last thing on Saturday night. I engaged to part of my duty only at first, as my legs were too weak to hold out sixteen hours every day. I found, as soon as I could make up my accounts, that notwithstanding the gifts I had received, that I was forty pounds deficient through this affliction, which began the 3rd of December, 1825. This I laid before the Lord, and earnestly prayed for him to strengthen me, and for his goodness to pass before me. I had, before my illness, attended the ministry of Mr. Isaac for a short time, but was unknown to him or to any of his church, but after my return to work, I attended constantly, and have never forsook the minister or people to this day. Neither have I ever felt any desire to ramble after others, however they may have been cried up. It was not long before I joined the church, which happened as I wished it to be, the ordering of the Lord, and in answer to prayer. I much question if the Lord has in the world a church, according to its unmbers, so poor and needy, or that hath with its minister passed through so many trials; yet, contrary to the belief of ourselves, lukewarm friends and enemies, we have continued to this day. I heard Mr. Isaac expound the ixth chapter of Romans much to the profit of my soul, which did unite me to him a second time, and I have found his ministry, during the afflictions I have since been carried through of great help. But though I was enabled to perform part of my work, and my friends had great hope of my soon being blessed with my wonted health and strength; yet I was not wholly weaned from the desires of leaving a time-state. The remembrance of all that I enjoyed in my illness, of the nearness of my soul to the Lord, together with the liberty I felt and the happiness I experienced in speaking of those things, was often very powerful, so that my affections ran after them, as they were to be prized, I felt in a measure still suspended between earth and heaven, and have often said, Pray Lord cut the strings that hold me to the earth, or those that draw me to heaven. This continued until one day on my going home I found my wife very ill; I was told that she was at the back of the house, through the window she saw much steam in the back room, and knowing that two of the children were in the room she put up her hand to draw down the top sash, her fingers being soapy, and had uot a proper hold fast for her nails, as she gave a sudden and hard pull, her fingers slipt off, her right hand bounced through the pane of glass below, when the broken glass cut through the veins and leaders of her right hand. She alarmed the next neighbour, who ran in and partially bound it up, whilst her daughter ran for the doetor, who as the Lord would have it was at home, and hurried to her assistance; yet it was twenty minutes before the blood could be stayed. The doctor said, had he been out, and had the girl been necesitated to go farther, she must have bled to death. As soon as I heard this, I considered she would be a cripple for life, and therefore the help she had afforded by her work was lost to her family for ever, which hath been truly so. LITERARY NOTICE. Mr. William Allen's, of Stepney, Letter to Rev. Andrew Reed, D. D. on the Un scriptural Tendency of his "Personal Efforts," is published this day. Also, Edmund Greenfield's Reply to Rev. W. Thorn's "Antinomianism: its Errors, Evils and Absurdities." POETRY. STANZAS. OH! do not ask a song from me, The anthems Zion's children raise As captive Israel pensive sighed, How shall we sing, they sorrowing said, How shall we swell the chorus high They could not glad hosannas raise DELTA. A QUESTION FOR ANGELS. YE angels, great in might, Go quickly through the realms of light, And sound them as you go: The heavenly host invite From all their various spheres, Their brightest, noblest powers excite, Your azure thrones ascend, E'en then my question may transcend Should any wish to know From whence the message came, 'T is sent from earth, the orb below, By one of mortal frame. |