And my slumber fled, and my dream was sped, And I found I was lying snug in bed,

With my nose in the Bishop of FERNS' book.

THE BRUNSWICK CLUB.

A letter having been addressed to a very distinguished personage, requesting him to become the Patron of this Orange

Club, a polite answer was forthwith returned, of which we have been fortunate enough to obtain a copy.

Brimstone-hall, September 1. 1828.

Private.-LORD Belzebub presents
To the Brunswick Club his compliments,
And much regrets to say that he
Cannot, at present, their Patron be.
In stating this, Lord Belzebub

Assures, on his honour, the Brunswick Club,

That 'tisn't from any lukewarm lack
Of zeal or fire he thus holds back-
As even Lord Coal1 himself is not
For the Orange party more red-hot :
But the truth is, till their Club affords
A somewhat decenter show of Lords,
And on its list of members gets
A few less rubbishy Baronets,
Lord Belzebub must beg to be
Excus'd from keeping such company.

Who the devil, he humbly begs to know,
Are Lord Gl-nd-ne, and Lord D-nlo?
Or who, with a grain of sense, would go
To sit and be bor'd by Lord M--yo?
What living creature-except his nurse—
For Lord M-ntc-sh-l cares a curse,
Or thinks 'twould matter if Lord M-sk-rry
Were t'other side of the Stygian ferry?
Breathes there a man in Dublin town,
Who'd give but half of half-a-crown

To save from drowning my Lord R―thd-ne,
Or who wouldn't also gladly hustle in

Lords R-d-n, B-nd-n, C-le, and J-c-l-n?
In short, though, from his tenderest years,
Accustom'd to all sorts of Peers,

Lord Belzebub much questions whether
He ever yet saw, mix'd together,

As 'twere in one capacious tub,
Such a mess of noble silly-bub

As the twenty Peers of the Brunswick Club.
'Tis therefore impossible that Lord B.
Could stoop to such society,

Usually written" Cole."

As Whig Reform has had its range,
And none of us are yet content,
Suppose, my friends, by way of change,
We try a Female Parliament;
And since, of late, with he M. P.'s
We've far'd so badly, take to she's —
Petticoat patriots, flounc'd John Russells,
Burdetts in blonde, and Broughams in bustles.
The plan is startling, I confess -
But 'tis but an affair of dress;
Nor see I much there is to choose
"Twixt Ladies (so they're thorough bred ones)
In ribands of all sorts of hues,

Or Lords in only blue or red ones.

At least, the fiddlers will be winners,
Whatever other trade advances;

As then, instead of Cabinet dinners,

We'll have, at Almack's, Cabinet dances; Nor let this world's important questions Depend on Ministers' digestions.

If Ude's receipts have done things ill,

To Weippert's band they may go better; There's Lady * *, in one quadrille,

Would settle Europe, if you'd let her: And who the deuce or asks, or cares, When Whigs or Tories have undone 'em, Whether they've danc'd through State affairs, Or simply, dully, din'd upon 'em?

As, once the thing's well set about, No doubt but we shall hunt him out.

His Lordship's mind, of late, they say,
Hath been in an uneasy way
Himself and colleagues not being let
To climb into the Cabinet,
To settle England's state affairs,
Hath much, it seems, unsettled theirs ;
And chief to this stray Plenipo
Hath been a most distressing blow.
Already,- certain to receive a
Well-paid mission to the Neva,
And be the bearer of kind words
To tyrant Nick from Tory Lords,-
To fit himself for free discussion,
His Lordship had been learning Russian;
And all so natural to him were

The accents of the Northern bear,

That, while his tones were in your ear, you
Might swear you were in sweet Siberia.
And still, poor Peer, to old and young,
He goes on raving in that tongue;
Tells you how much you would enjoy a
Trip to Dalnodoubrowskoya; 3
Talks of such places, by the score, on
As Oulisfflirmchinagoboron,4

And swears (for he at nothing sticks)

That Russia swarms with Raskol-niks,"

Though one such Nick, God knows, must be

A more than ample quantity.

Such are the marks by which to know

This stray'd or stolen Plenipo;

And whosoever brings or sends

The unhappy statesman to his friends, On Carlton Terrace, shall have thanks, And any paper but the Bank's.

P.S. Some think, the disappearance
Of this our diplomatic Peer hence
Is for the purpose of reviewing,
In person, what dear Mig is doing
So as to 'scape all tell-tale letters
'Bout B-s-d, and such abettors,-
The only "wretches" for whose aid3
Letters seem not to have been made.

Written at that memorable crisis when a distinguished Duke, then Prime Minister, acting under the inspirations of Sir Cl-ds H-nt-r and other City worthies, advised his Majesty to give up his announced intention of dining with the Lord Mayor.

2 Among other remarkable attributes by which Sir Cl-d-s distinguished himself, the dazzling whiteness of his favourite steed was not the least conspicuous.

3 In the Government of Perm.

4 Territory belonging to the mines of Kolivano-Kosskres

sense.

5 The name of a religious sect in Russia. "Il existe en Russie plusieurs sectes; la plus nombreuse est celle des Raskol-niks, ou vrai-croyants."-GAMBA, Voyage dans la Russie Méridionale.

"Heav'n first taught letters for some wretch's aid."

POPE.

Our Exeter stood forth to caper,
As high on the floor as he doth on paper-
Much like a dapper Dancing Dervise,
Who pirouettes his whole church-service-
Performing, 'midst those reverend souls,
Such entrechats, such cabrioles,
Such balonnés, such-rigmaroles,
Now high, now low, now this, now that,
That none could guess, what the devil he'd be at:
Though, watching his various steps, some thought
That a step in the Church was all he sought.

But alas, alas! while thus so gay,
These reverend dancers frisk'd away,
Nor Paul himself (not the saint, but he
Of the Opera-house) could brisker be,
There gather'd a gloom around their glee-
A shadow, which came and went so fast,
That ere one could say, ""Tis there," 'twas past-
And, lo, when the scene again was clear'd,
Ten of the dancers had disappear'd!

Ten able-bodied quadrillers swept

From the hallow'd floor where late they stept,
While twelve was all that footed it still,
On the Irish side of that grand Quadrille !

Nor this the worst:- - still danc'd they on,
But the pomp was sadden'd, the smile was gone;
And again, from time to time, the same
Ill-omen'd darkness round them came-
While still, as the light broke out anew,
Their ranks look'd less by a dozen or two;
Till ah! at last there were only found
Just Bishops enough for a four-hands-round;
And when I awoke, impatient getting,
I left the last holy pair poussetting!

N. B. As ladies in years, it seems,
Have the happiest knack at solving dreams,
I shall leave to my ancient feminine friends
Of the Standard to say what this portends.

Dick's mind was like a patchwork quilt,

Made up of new, old, motley bits-
Where, if the Co. call'd in their shares,
If petticoats their quota got,
And gowns were all refunded theirs,

The quilt would look but shy, God wot.

And thus he still, new plagiaries seeking,
Revers'd ventriloquism's trick,

For, 'stead of Dick through others speaking,
'Twas others we heard speak through Dick.

A Tory now, all bounds exceeding,

Now best of Whigs, now worst of rats; One day, with Malthus, foe to breeding, The next, with Sadler, all for brats.

Poor Dick!-and how else could it be?
With notions all at random caught,
A sort of mental fricassee,

Made up of legs and wings of thoughtThe leavings of the last Debate, or

A dinner, yesterday, of wits,
Where Dick sat by, and, like a waiter,
Had the scraps for perquisites.

A CORRECTED REPORT OF SOME LATE SPEECHES.

"Then I heard one saint speaking, and another saint said unto that saint."

1834.

ST. S-NCL-R rose and declar'd in sooth,
That he wouldn't give sixpence to Maynooth.
He had hated priests the whole of his life,
For a priest was a man who had no wife,
And, having no wife, the Church was his mother,
The Church was his father, sister, and brother.
This being the case, he was sorry to say,
That a gulf 'twixt Papist and Protestant lay, 2
So deep and wide, scarce possible was it
To say even "how d'ye do?" across it:

1 "He objected to the maintenance and education of a clergy bound by the particular vows of celibacy, which, as it were, gave them the church as their only family, making it fill the places of father and mother and brother."-Debate on the Grant to Maynooth College, The Times, April 19.

2 "It had always appeared to him that between the Catholic and Protestant a great gulf intervened, which rendered it impossible," &c.

3 "The Baptist might acceptably extend the offices of religion to the Presbyterian and the Independent, or the

And though your Liberals, nimble as fleas,
Could clear such gulfs with perfect ease,
'Twas a jump that nought on earth could make
Your proper, heavy-built Christian take.
No, no,-if a Dance of Sects must be,
He would set to the Baptist willingly,
At the Independent deign to smirk,
And rigadoon with old Mother Kirk;
Nay even, for once, if needs must be,
He'd take hands round with all the three
;
But, as to a jig with Popery, no,
To the Harlot ne'er would he point his toe.

St. M-n-d-v-le was the next that rose,—
A Saint who round, as pedlar, goes,
With his pack of piety and prose,
Heavy and hot enough, God knows,
And he said that Papists were much inclin'd
To extirpate all of Protestant kind,
Which he couldn't, in truth, so much condemn,
Having rather a wish to extirpate them;
That is, to guard against mistake, -

To extirpate them for their doctrine's sake;
A distinction Churchmen always make,—
Insomuch that, when they've prime control,
Though sometimes roasting heretics whole,
They but cook the body for sake of the soul.

Next jump'd St. J-hnst-n jollily forth,
The spiritual Dogberry of the North,4
A right" wise fellow, and, what's more,
An officer," like his type of yore;
And he ask'd, if we grant such toleration,
Pray, what's the use of our Reformation? 6
What is the use of our Church and State?
Our Bishops, Articles, Tithe, and Rate?
And, still as he yell'd out "what's the use?"
Old Echoes, from their cells recluse
Where they'd for centuries slept, broke loose,
Yelling responsive. "What's the use?

member of the Church of England to any of the other three; but the Catholic," &c.

4 "Could he then, holding as he did a spiritual office in the Church of Scotland, (cries of hear, and laughter,) with any consistency give his consent to a grant of money?" &c. 5 "I am a wise fellow, and, which is more, an officer." Much Ado about Nothing.

6"What, he asked, was the use of the Reformation? What was the use of the Articles of the Church of England, or of the Church of Scotland?" &c.