Tommy whisper'd him (giving his Lordship a sly hit)

"I fear 'twill be hung-beef, my Lord, if you try it!"

And C-md-n was there, who, that morning, had gone

To fit his new Marquis's coronet on;

And the dish set before him- oh dish well-devis'd!

Was, what old Mother Glasse calls, "a calf's head surpris'd!"

The brains were near Sh-ry, and once had been fine,

But, of late, they had lain so long soaking in wine, That, though we, from courtesy, still chose to call These brains very fine, they were no brains at all.

LETTER IV.

FROM THE RIGHT HON. P-TR-CK D-GEN-N TO THE RIGHT HON. SIR J-HN N-CH-L.

Dublin.2

LAST week, dear N-ch-1, making merry At dinner with our Secretary, When all were drunk, or pretty near (The time for doing business here), Says he to me, "Sweet Bully Bottom! "These Papist dogs-hiccup-'od rot 'em!— "Deserve to be bespatter'd-hiccup"With all the dirt ev'n you can pick up.

66

66

But, as the Pr-ce (here's to him-fill

Hip, hip, hurra !)—is trying still

"To humbug them with kind professions,

Of Gr-tt-n's fire and C-nn-g's wit,
To hear ev'n noisy M-th-w gabble on,
Nor mention once the W-e of Babylon!
Oh! 'tis too much-who now will be
The Nightman of No-Popery?
What Courtier, Saint, or even Bishop,
Such learned filth will ever fish up?
If there among our ranks be one
To take my place, 'tis thou, Sir John;
Thou, who, like me, art dubb'd Right Hon.
Like me too, art a Lawyer Civil
That wishes Papists at the devil.

To whom then but to thee, my friend, Should Patrick 4 his Port-folio send ? Take it 'tis thine- his learn'd Port-folio, With all its theologic olio

Of Bulls, half Irish and half Roman

Of Doctrines, now believ'd by no man—

the "muzzle" has been taken off, and the Right Hon. Doctor again let loose!

4 A bad name for poetry; but D-gen-n is still worse.As Prudentius says upon a very different subject—

Torquetur Apollo

Nomine percussus.

Has been at such places (think, how the fit cools!) As old Mrs. V-gh-n's or Lord L-v-rp-l's.

stopschinzoudhoff

I saunter on, the admiration

smooth off:

So, get me a Russian - till death I'm your debtor
If he brings the whole Alphabet, so much the bet-

ter.

And-Lord! if he would but, in character, sup Off his fish-oil and candles, he'd quite set me up!

This sew'd up race-this button'd nation-
Who, while they boast their laws so free,
Leave not one limb at liberty,
But live, with all their lordly speeches,
The slaves of buttons and tight breeches.

haste

In some things they're a thinking nation;

POSTSCRIPT.

By the bye, have you found any friend that can

construe

That Latin account, t'other day, of a Monster? 1 If we can't get a Russian, and that thing in Latin Be not too improper, I think I'll bring that in.

LETTER VI.

FROM ABDALLAH, IN LONDON, TO MOHASSAN, IN ISPAHAN.

WHILST thou, Mohassan, (happy thou!)
Dost daily bend thy loyal brow
Before our King-our Asia's treasure!
Nutmeg of Comfort; Rose of Pleasure ! —
And bear'st as many kicks and bruises
As the said Rose and Nutmeg chooses;

I own I like their notions quite,
They are so Persian and so right!
You know our Sunnites +,-hateful dogs!
Whom every pious Shiite flogs
Or longs to flog 5-'tis true, they pray
To God, but in an ill-bred way;
With neither arms, nor legs, nor faces
Stuck in their right, canonic places.6
'Tis true, they worship Ali's name?—
Their Heav'n and ours are just the same-
(A Persian's Heav'n is easily made,
"Tis but black eyes and lemonade.)
Yet, though we've tried for centuries back-
We can't persuade this stubborn pack,
By bastinadoes, screws, or nippers,
To wear th' establish'd pea-green slippers.
Then, only think, the libertines!

They wash their toes-they comb their chins,
With many more such deadly sins;

And what's the worst (though last I rank it), Believe the Chapter of the Blanket!

Yet, spite of tenets so flagitious, (Which must, at bottom, be seditious;

1 Alluding, I suppose, to the Latin Advertisement of a Lusus Naturæ in the Newspapers lately.

2 I have made many inquiries about this Persian gentleman, but cannot satisfactorily ascertain who he is. From his notions of Religious Liberty, however, I conclude that he is an importation of Ministers; and he has arrived just in time to assist the Pe and Mr. L-ck-e in their new Oriental Plan of Reform. See the second of these Letters. How Abdallah's epistle to Ispahan found its way into the Twopenny Post-Bag is more than I can pretend to account for.

3 "C'est un honnête homme," said a Turkish governor of De Ruyter; "c'est grand dommage qu'il soit Chrétien."

4 Sunnites and Shiites are the two leading sects into which the Mahometan world is divided; and they have gone on cursing and persecuting each other, without any intermission, for about eleven hundred years. The Sunni is the established sect in Turkey, and the Shia in Persia; and the differences

between them turn chiefly upon those important points, which our pious friend Abdallah, in the true spirit of Shiite Ascendency, reprobates in this Letter.

5 "Les Sunnites, qui étoient comme les Catholiques de Musulmanisme."-D'Herbelot.

6" In contradistinction to the Sounis, who in their prayers cross their hands on the lower part of their breast, the Schiahs drop their arms in straight lines; and as the Sounis, at certain periods of the prayer, press their foreheads on the ground or carpet, the Schiahs," &c. &c. - Forster's Voyage. 7" Les Turcs ne détestent pas Ali réciproquement; au contraire, ils le reconnoissent," &c. &c. - Chardin.

8 The Shiites wear green slippers, which the Sunnites consider as a great abomination."— Mariti.

9 For these points of difference, as well as for the Chapter of the Blanket, I must refer the reader (not having the book by me) to Picart's Account of the Mahometan Sects.

Since no man living would refuse

Green slippers, but from treasonous views;
Nor wash his toes, but with intent
To overturn the government,) —
Such is our mild and tolerant way,
We only curse them twice a day
(According to a Form that's set),
And, far from torturing, only let
All orthodox believers beat 'em,

And twitch their beards, where'er they meet 'em.

As to the rest, they're free to do
Whate'er their fancy prompts them to,
Provided they make nothing of it
Tow'rds rank or honour, power or profit;
Which things, we nat'rally expect,
Belong to us, the Establish'd sect,
Who disbelieve (the Lord be thanked!)
Th' aforesaid Chapter of the Blanket.
The same mild views of Toleration
Inspire, I find, this button'd nation,
Whose Papists (full as giv'n to rogue,
And only Sunnites with a brogue)
Fare just as well, with all their fuss,
As rascal Sunnites do with us.

The tender Gazel I enclose Is for my love, my Syrian RoseTake it when night begins to fall, And throw it o'er her mother's wall.

GAZEL.

REMEMBEREST thou the hour we past,
That hour the happiest and the last?
Oh! not so sweet the Siha thorn
To summer bees, at break of morn,

Not half so sweet, through dale and dell,
To Camels' ears the tinkling bell,

As is the soothing memory

Of that one precious hour to me.

How can we live, so far apart?

Oh! why not rather, heart to heart,
United live and die-

Like those sweet birds, that fly together,
With feather always touching feather,

Link'd by a hook and eye!!

LETTER VII.

FROM MESSRS. L-CK-GT-N AND CO. TO

-, ESQ. 2

PER Post, Sir, we send your MS.-look'd it thro'Very sorry- but can't undertake-'twouldn't do. Clever work, Sir!-would get up prodigiously well

Its only defect is-it never would sell.

And though Statesmen may glory in being unbought,

In an Author 'tis not so desirable thought.

Hard times, Sir,-most books are too dear to

be read

Though the gold of Good-sense and Wit's smallchange are fled,

Yet the paper we Publishers pass, in their stead, Rises higher each day, and ('tis frightful to think

it)

Not even such names as F-tzg-r-d's can sink it!

However, Sir-if you're for trying again, And at somewhat that's vendible-we are your

men.

Since the Chevalier C-rr3 took to marrying lately,

The Trade is in want of a Traveller greatly—
No job, Sir, more easy - your Country once
plann'd,

A month aboard ship and a fortnight on land
Puts your Quarto of Travels, Sir, clean out of hand.

An East-India pamphlet's a thing that would

tell

And a lick at the Papists is sure to sell well.
Or-supposing you've nothing original in you—
Write Parodies, Sir, and such fame it will win you,
You'll get to the Blue-stocking Routs of Albinia! +
(Mind-not to her dinners-a second-hand Muse
Must'nt think of aspiring to mess with the Blues.)
Or-in case nothing else in this world you can
do-

The deuce is in't, Sir, if you cannot review!

This will appear strange to an English reader, but it is literally translated from Abdallah's Persian, and the curious bird to which he alludes is the Juftak, of which I find the following account in Richardson:-" A sort of bird, that is said to have but one wing; on the opposite side to which the male bas a hook and the female a ring, so that, when they fly, they are fastened together."

I suppress the name of the Author, whose rejected manuscript was inclosed in this letter.- See the Appendix. 3 Sir John Carr, the author of " Tours in Ireland, Holland, Sweden," &c. &c.

4 This alludes, I believe, to a curious correspondence, which is said to have passed lately between Alb-n-a, Countess of B-ck-gh-ms-e, and a certain ingenious

Should you feel any touch of poetical glow, We've a Scheme to suggest- Mr. Sc-tt, you must know,

(Who, we're sorry to say it, now works for the Row',)

Having quitted the Borders, to seek new renown,
Is coming, by long Quarto stages, to Town;
And beginning with Rokeby (the job's sure to pay)
Means to do all the Gentlemen's Seats on the way.
Now, the Scheme is (though none of our hackneys
can beat him)

To start a fresh Poet through Highgate to meet him;

Who, by means of quick proofs no revises

1 Paternoster Row.

Bring thy best lace, thou gay Philander, (That lace, like H-rry Al-x—nd—r, Too precious to be wash'd,)—thy rings, Thy seals-in short, thy prettiest things! Put all thy wardrobe's glories on, And yield in frogs and fringe, to none But the great R-g-t's self alone; Who-by particular desire

For that night only, means to hire

A dress from Romeo C-tes, Esquire.3
Hail, first of Actors! best of R-g-t's!
Born for each other's fond allegiance!
Both gay Lotharios- both good dressers—
Of serious Farce both learn'd Professors -
Both circled round, for use or show,
With cock's combs, wheresoe'er they go!5

Thou know'st the time, thou man of lore!
It takes to chalk a ball-room floor-
Thou know'st the time, too, well-a-day!
It takes to dance that chalk away.6
The Ball-room opens-far and nigh
Comets and suns beneath us lie;

O'er snow-white moons and stars we walk,
And the floor seems one sky of chalk!
But soon shall fade that bright deceit,
When many a maid, with busy feet
That sparkle in the lustre's ray,
O'er the white path shall bound and play
Like Nymphs along the Milky Way:-
With every step a star hath fled,

And suns grow dim beneath their tread!
So passeth life-(thus Sc-tt would write,
And spinsters read him with delight,)—
Hours are not feet, yet hours trip on,
Time is not chalk, yet time's soon gone!7

But, hang this long digressive flight!I meant to say, thou'lt see, that night,

3 An amateur actor of much risible renown.

6 To those, who neither go to balls nor read the Morning Post, it may be necessary to mention, that the floors of Ballrooms, in general, are chalked, for safety and for ornament, with various fanciful devices.

7

Hearts are not flint, yet flints are rent,
Hearts are not steel, yet steel is bent.

After all, however, Mr. Sc-tt may well say to the Colonel, (and, indeed, to much better wags than the Colonel,) pan