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Tommy whisper'd him (giving his Lordship a sly
hit) “ I fear 'twill be hung-beef, my Lord, if you try
FROM THE RIGHT HON. P-TR-CK D-GEN-N
TO THE RIGHT HON. SIR J-HN N-CH-L.
And C-md-2 was there, who, that morning,
Last week, dear N-ch-1, making merry At dinner with our Secretary, When all were drunk, or pretty near (The time for doing business here), Says he to me, “ Sweet Bully Bottom! “ These Papist dogs - hiccup-od rot 'em! “ Deserve to be bespatter'd— hiccup“ With all the dirt ev’n you can pick up. “ But, as the Pr-ce (here's to him — fill * Hip, hip, hurra !)— is trying still “ To humbug them with kind professions,
And, as you deal in strong expressions — “ Rogue” — “ traitor" hiccup- and all that
You must be muzzled, Doctor Pat!“ You must indeed - hiccup- that's flat.” —
When the dinner was over, we drank every one In a bumper, “ the venial delights of Crim. Con.;" At which H-df-t with warm reminiscences
gloated, And E-b'r—h chuckled to hear himself quoted.
Our next round of toasts was a fancy quite new, For we drank — and you'll own 'twas benevolent
To those well-meaning husbands, cits, parsons, or
peers, Whom we've, any time, honour'd by courting
their dears : This museum of wittols was comical rather; Old H-df-t gave M-ss-y, and I gave your
Yes—“muzzled” was the word, Sir John-
that they, who damn'd us then,
To whom then but to thee, my friend,
I Colonel M Mahon.
the"muzzle" has been taken off, and the Right Hon. Doctor This letter, which contained some very heavy enclosures, again let loose ! seems to have been sent to London by a private hand, and 4 A bad name for poetry; but D-gen-n is still worse. then put into the Twopenny Post-Office, to save trouble. See As Prudentius says upon a very different subject the Appendix.
Torquetur Apollo 3 In sending this sheet to the Press, however, I learn that
Of Councils, held for men's salvation,
But I can't conceive how, in this very cold weather, Yet always ending in damnation
I'm ever to bring my five hundred together ; (Which shows that, since the world's creation, As, unless the thermometer's near boiling heat, Your Priests, whate'er their gentle shamming, One can never get half of one's hundreds to meet. Have always had a taste for damning,)
(Apropos — you'd have laugh'd to see Townsend And many more such pious scraps,
last night, To prove (what we've long prov'd, perhaps,) Escort to their chairs, with his staff, so polite, That, mad as Christians us'd to be
The “ three maiden Miseries," all in a fright; About the Thirteenth Century,
Poor Townsend, like Mercury, filling two posts, There still are Christians to be had
Supervisor of thieves, and chief-usher of ghosts !) In this, the Nineteenth, just as mad!
But, my dear Lady- can't you hit on Farewell — I send with this, dear N-ch—1,
some notion, A rod or two I've had in pickle
At least for one night to set London in motion? — Wherewith to trim old Gr—tt-n's jacket.
As to having the R-8-nt, that show is gone by — The rest shall go by Monday's packet.
Besides, I've remark'd that (between you and I)
The Marchesa and he, inconvenient in more ways,
Have taken much lately to whispering indoorways;
the twoAmong the Enclosures in the foregoing Letter was
Makes a block that one's company cannot get the following “ Unanswerable Argument against
through ; the Papists."
And a house such as mine is, with doorways so
small, WE'RE told the ancient Roman nation
Has no room for such cumbersome love-work at Made use of spittle in lustration ;!
all.(Vide Lactantium ap. Gallæum
(Apropos, though, of love-work — you've heard it, i. e. you need not read but see 'em ;)
I hope, Now, Irish Papists, fact surprising,
That Napoleon's old mother's to marry the Pope,Make use of spittle in baptizing ;
What a comical pair !)—but, to stick to my Rout, Which proves them all, O'Finns, O'Fagans, 'Twill be hard if some novelty can't be struck out. Connors, and Tooles, all downright Pagans. Is there no Algerine, no Kamchatkan arriv'd? This fact's enough ;- let no one tell us No Plenipo Pacha, three-tail'd and ten-wiv'd ? To free such sad, salivous fellows. —
No Russian, whose dissonant consonant name No, no—the man, baptiz’d with spittle, Almost rattles to fragments the trumpet of fame? Hath no truth in him— not a tittle !
I remember the time, three or four winters back, When - provided their wigs were but decently
black A few Patriot monsters, from Spain, were a sight
That would people one's house for one, night after LETTER V.
But - whether the Ministers paw'd them too FROM THE COUNTESS DOWAGER OF C-RK
much (And you know how they spoil whatsoever they
touch) My dear Lady! I've been just sending out Or, whether Lord G-rge (the young man about About five hundred cards for a snug little Rout
town) (By the bye, you've seen Rokeby 2 —this moment Has, by dint of bad poetry, written them down, got mine
One has certainly lost one's peninsular rage ; The Mail-Coach Edition 3- prodigiously fine ;) And the only stray Patriot seen for an age
Lustralibus ante salivis
non veremur sacrum baptismum a Papistis profanari, et sputi Expiat.
PERS. sat. 2.
usum in peccatorum expiatione a Paganis non a Christianis 2 I have taken the trouble of examining the Doctor's re- manasse.” ference here, and find him, for once, correct. The following 3 See Mr. Murray's Advertisement about the Mail-Coach are the words of his indignant referee, Gallæus:-“ Asserere copies of Rokeby.
Has been at such places (think, how the fit cools!) Thy head still near the bowstring's borders, As old Mrs. V-gh-n's or Lord L-V-rp-l’s. And but left on till further orders —
Through London streets with turban fair, But, in short, my dear, names like Wintztschit- | And caftan, floating to the air, stopschinzoudhoff
I saunter on, the admiration Are the only things now make an ev’ning go Of this short-coated population smooth off :
This sew'd up race - this button'd nation So, get me a Russian - till death I'm your debtor - Who, while they boast their laws so free, If he brings the whole Alphabet, so much the bet- Leave not one limb at liberty, ter.
But live, with all their lordly speeches, And - Lord! if he would but, in character, sup The slaves of buttons and tight breeches. Off his fish-oil and candles, he'd quite set me up!
Yet, though they thus their knee-pans fetter Au revoir, my sweet girl — I must leave you in (They're Christians, and they know no better) haste
In some things they're a thinking nation ; Little Gunter has brought me the Liqueurs to taste. And, on Religious Toleration,
I own I like their notions quite,
They are so Persian and so right!
You know our Sunnites +, -hateful dogs !
Whom every pious Shiite flogs By the bye, have you found any friend that can
Or longs to flog 5 — 'tis true, they pray
To God, but in an ill-bred way; construe
With neither arms, nor legs, nor faces
Stuck in their right, canonic places.6
'Tis true, they worship Ali's name?
Yet, though we've tried for centuries back —
We can't persuade this stubborn pack,
By bastinadoes, screws, or nippers, FROM ABDALLAH, IN LONDON, TO MOHASSAN, To wear th' establish'd pea-green slippers.
Then, only think, the libertines !
They wash their toes-- they comb their chins?, Whilst thou, Mohassan, (happy thou!) With many more such deadly sins ; Dost daily bend thy loyal brow
And what's the worst (though last I rank it), Before our King -our Asia's treasure !
Believe the Chapter of the Blanket!
Yet, spite of tenets so flagitious,
(Which must, at bottom, be seditious;
1 Alluding, I suppose, to the Latin Advertisement of a between them turn chiefly upon those important points, Lusus Naturæ in the Newspapers lately.
which our pious friend Abdallah, in the true spirit of Shiite ? I have made many inquiries about this Persian gentle- Ascendency, reprobates in this Letter. man, but cannot satisfactorily ascertain who he is. From 5 “Les Sunnites, qui étoient comme les Catholiques de his notions of Religious Liberty, however, I conclude that he Musulmanisme." - D'Herbelot. is an importation of Ministers; and he has arrived just in 6 " In contradistinction to the Sounis, who in their prayers time to assist the Pe and Mr. L-cke in their new cross their hands on the lower part of their breast, the SchiOriental Plan of Reform. - See the second of these Letters. ahs drop their arms in straight lines; and as the Sounis, at How Abdallah's epistle to Ispahan found its way into the certain periods of the prayer, press their foreheads on the Twopenny Post-Bag is more than I can pretend to account ground or carpet, the Schiahs," &c. &c. - Forster's Voyage. for.
7 " Les Turcs ne détestent pas Ali réciproquement; au 3 " C'est un honnête homme," said a Turkish governor of contraire, ils le reconnoissent," &c. &c. - Chardin. De Ruyter; "c'est grand dommage qu'il soit Chrétien."
• The Shiites wear green slippers, which the Sunnites 4 Sunnites and Shiites are the two leading sects into which consider as a great abomination." -Mariti. the Mahometan world is divided ; and they have gone on 9 For these points of difference, as well as for the Chapter cursing and persecutin a each other, without any intermission, of the Blanket, I must refer the reader (not having the book for about eleven hundred years. The Sunni is the established by me) to Picart's Account of the Mahometan Sects. sect in Turkey, and the Shia in Persia; and the differences
FROM MESSRS. CK-GTN AND CO. TO
Since no man living would refuse
As to the rest, they're free to do
PER Post, Sir, we send your MS.— look'd it thro'-
Hard times, Sir, - most books are too dear to
be read Though the gold of Good-sense and Wit's small
change are fled, Yet the paper we Publishers pass, in their stead, Rises higher each day, and ('tis frightful to think
it) Not even such names as F—tzg—r—d's can sink
However, Sir— if you're for trying again,
The tender Gazel I enclose
Since the Chevalier C-rr3 took to marrying
lately, The Trade is in want of a Traveller greatly No job, Sir, more easy — your Country once
plann'd, A month aboard ship and a fortnight on land Puts your Quarto of Travels, Sir, clean out of hand.
REMEMBEREST thou the hour we past, -
United live and die-
Link'd by a hook and eye!!
An East-India pamphlet's a thing that would
| This will appear strange to an English reader, but it is I suppress the name of the Author, whose rejected manuliterally translated from Abdallah's Persian, and the curious script was inclosed in this letter.- See the Appendix. bird to wbich he alludes is the Juftak, of which I find the fol- 3 Sir John Carr, the author of " Tours in Ireland, Holland, loring account in Richardson :--"A sort of bird, that is said Sweden," &c. &c. to have but one wing : on the opposite side to which the male 4 This alludes, I believe, to a curious correspondence, bas a hook and the female a ring, so that, when they fly, they which is said to have passed lately between Alb-n-a, are fastened together."
Countess of B-ck-gh-ms-e, and a certain ingenious * From motives of delicacy, and, indeed, of fellow-feeling, Parodist.
any touch of poetical glow, We've a Scheme to suggest — Mr. Sc-tt, you must
can beat him)
long coaches -
week. At present, no more — in reply to this Letter, a Line will oblige very much
Yours, et cetera. Temple of the Muses.
Bring thy best lace, thou gay Philander,
gay Lotharios — both good dressers -
FROM COLONEL TH-M-S TO
Thou know'st the time, thou man of lore!
COME to our Fête ?, and bring with thee
Oh! come, (if haply 'tis thy week For looking pale,) with paly cheek;
But, hang this long digressive flight !
1 Paternoster Row,
gedian bere alluded to, was a cock; and most profusely were ? This Letter enclosed a Card for the Grand Féte on the his liveries, harness, &c. covered with this ornament. 5th of February.
6 To those, who neither go to balls por read the Morning 3 An amateur actor of much risible renown.
Post, it may be necessary to mention, that the floors of Ball4 Quem tu, Melpomene, semel
rooms, in general, are chalked, for safety and for ornament, Nascentem placido lumine, videris, &c. Horat. with various fanciful devices. The Man, upon whom thou hast deign'd to look funny,
Hearts are not Aint, yet Aints are rent, Oh Tragedy's Muse! at the hour of his birth —
Hearts are not steel, yet steel is bent. Let them say what they will, that's the Man for my money, After all, however, Mr. Sc-tt may well say to the Colonel, Give others thy tears, but let me have thy mirth!
(and, indeed, to much better wags than the Colonel,) isa 5 The crest of Mr. C-tes, the very amusing amateur tra. Hauksuotas n Milcles.