BALLOU'S MONTHLY MAGAZINE VOL. XXXIII.-No. 1. JANUARY, 1871... .. WHOLE NO. 193. THE ORO-SLUMGULLION MARRIAGE. The following announcement came to the busy town of Humville, and appeared in the Humville Chronicle, causing an immense flutter of excitement in all the circles and squares and rhomboids into which society at Humville was divided: because Col. Oro would never see sixty again, and there had been previous gossip that he was designing to marry his former housekeeper, who had left him and gone to Frothboro' some months before. They concluded she must be old, not handsome certainly, even if it was not the housekeeper-they couldn't MARRIED.-In Frothboro', at the residence of the bride's father, by the Rev. Dr. Scoote, judge that it was her from the announcement assisted by the Revs. Messrs. Spoon and Lath--and they definitely determined that the er, Col. Jethro Oro, of Humville, agent of the bride was both old and ugly, even if her father Universal Patent Toothpick Manuf. Co., to Miss Hero Slumgullion, daughter of Simeon Slumgullion, Esq., of F. A large party attended the reception at the residence of Mr. Slumgullion, which was both recherche and distingue, the bride appearing very charming in her elaborate bridal toilet, imported for the occasion, supported by twenty-five bridesmaids, elegantly dressed. The ushers were from the principal Frothboro' families, and sustained their parts with great affability. There were five thousand tickets sent out, nearly all of which were returned. The hapPy pair immediately left on their bridal tour, previous to their final settlement in the charming village of Humville. The young people were greatly agitated by it. What was the bride like? Old, doubtless, was rich, and they didn't envy her at all; not they to be sure. Graver people, who knew Col. Oro very well, wondered what he could want to make himself such a fool for, and, in reply to the question as to why he had not participated in the service, the Rev. Mr. Smellers-whose likeness may be seen on the seventh page, adorned with those clerical and personal graces that denote position and eminent respectability-gravely informed his querist that they were not of his parish-attended, indeed, at some conventicle down town, of no great pretension, and in short, he had not been invited, which reason seemed to comprehend all the rest. He need not have con tinued, for his nose and mouth in their mute expression said more than words could utter, and he did not. What a difference it makes in interest where the invitation has not been tendered. What heart-burning, what invidious remark, what depreciation of quality! even among ministers. But the occasion must not be lost for Humville to distinguish itself. So a public reception was resolved upon, involving a procession from the depot, a free lunch in the town hall -a spontaneous affair, suggested by the town clerk, though it was afterwards learned that the bridegroom himself had hinted it, for a profound secret, and footed the bills-and fireworks and a serenade in the evening. The appropriate committee were drilled in the work to be done, and when the cars arrived in Humville, bearing those to be honored, the cheers came in at the proper time, and the demonstration, as was said next day in the Humville Chronicle, 66 was of that hearty and unequivocal character which denoted spontaneity of feeling, and was quite as honorable to those extending it as those receiving it." Curiosity to see the bride was on the qui vive, and every available spot at the depot was occupied by eager expectants as the train approached. Such shouts as then pierced the air! A car window was opened and the bald head of Col. Oro was thrust out. He smiled upon the crowd, waved his hand in response to the cheering, and then drew it in suddenly, as a turtle draws within his shell at a sudden touch, or as if some one had stung him behind somewhere with a pin. As he drew back there appeared a forbidding looking female at the window whom most of the people present remembered as the old housekeeper, and then there was a great laugh, as though a big joke had exploded among them. A moment thereafter, however, Col. Oro appeared at the rear door of the car, with a beautiful creature leaning upon his arm in a very wifely way, and a murmur of admiration stirred the multitude. A cheer followed, very heartily given, for the bride, and the old rat by her side looked down at her as proudly as you please. It is impossible to create a simile for it. "There is no fool so bad as an old fool" is an old saying, and whether true or not, the folly of old Col. Oro took a charming direction when it achieved the beautiful and accomplished bride that hung upon his arm, meeting the gaze of the attendant populace, and hearing the comments made upon her and her husband without showing any emotion. "Old enough to be her father," said one. "How could she marry him?" said another. "Guess husbands must be hard to catch in Frothboro'," said a third. "But aint she pretty, though ?" remarked a young man to a piece of roseate dimity upon his arm. The roseate deepened, as the reply was tartly jerked out, "Nothing alarmin'. I shouldn't think these people had ever seen a woman before!" A sentimental young man, with a high forehead and a paper collar, recited, so that those around him could hear, the following lines from Shakspeare: Everything transpired as per programme. The bells in the steeples, including those of the factory and engine-house, rang a merry peal "O the music of the bells, marriage bells!"—and every piano in town, of which there were several, played Mendelssohn's Wedding March. The fireworks were brilliant, the music charming, and the people employed in the Toothpick Factory came up in a body, one of their number making the colonel a speech, invoking happiness upon the twain, and begging for an increase of wages. The colonel thanked them, but said he couldn't think of business at such a time, assuring them, however, of his warm interest, and that of his wife, in all their affairs, and inquired particularly after those children who were suffering from the measles and whooping cough. His face beamed with benevolence as he spoke and his nose wore the hue of a Triomphe de Gande strawberry. The telegraph sent the news to all parts of the earth about the great Oro-Slumgullion marriage. It was discussed in the Queen's Drawing-Room at Windsor Castle, crossed the Channel to the Tuilleries where Eugenie, before the fall, took it up; thence it went through all the courts of Europe, passing into Egypt, appearing as an item in the morning papers of Alexandria and Cairo. It was really a great affair, and Humville was all alive with it for the customary nine days, but after that time the excitement died away, and there were no points about it that were not to be seen about any other marriage, except—the fact of disparity of years, and this— |