have some evidence, that, however small my measure of labour, it is nearly as much as my frame is equal to; yet the Lord makes up all.

1827, Tenth Month 7th.

First day, I attended the meetings at Devonshire House; was silent in both: glory be to the great name!

First day, the 14th.

Attended the meetings at Uxbridge; on the 17th, the Monthly Meeting, and on Second day following, I reached our comfortable home at Alton, through the matchless condescension, goodness, and forbearance of my Maker, Preserver, and Redeemer!

To

Alton, 15th of Twelfth Month, 1827.

Be assured thou hast my very tender sympathy under the important circumstances thy letter unfolds; and that my best, though feeble desires are, and will be for thy best welfare. I cannot doubt but preservation and sufficient help will be extended, while a simple, upright, unreserved surrender of the will is sought after and abode in. I have thought, in a case of this kind, there is always abundant condescension, gentleness, forbearance, and long-suffering, manifested towards us poor fallible creatures. He that putteth forth and goeth before us, knoweth our frame, and himself took our infirmities when we take a step a little awkwardly, or with too much forwardness, or mistakingly, mercy is near to hold us up and restore us, so long as we are not wilful, but singly desire to be right in our movements. We may be, and some of us know we have been, long borne with, in much that borders on, and indeed proves to be

little better than thorough unbelief and disobedience. We read that "rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft: we may have held back on different grounds, very reasonable as we have thought; but we have been chastised for this,-leanness and feebleness have come over us, so that when we would afterwards have given up, the Divine sense, strength, and blessing has receded; -neither have we enjoyed the answer of, "Well done." Our situation perhaps has somewhat resembled that of the Israelites, who after refusing, attempted to enter the promised land: there is, nevertheless, forgiveness with Him, that he may be rightly feared, and also plenteous redemption. I believe we are safe in resting under a holy simple fear and caution, as to so awful a proceeding as the first exercise of the ministry; but how far this should be carried, cannot well be defined for another; vessels are variously moulded, and variously dealt with or used; there may be too much of this as well as too little, for our snares and our tendencies differ. Even though we wait for what we may suppose only adequate strength and clearness for the occasion, this may stand in the way of our having that degree of it, which was intended for us, had we used more self-renunciation, or been more disinterested in our service. It is plain, we are not to expect to have just what evidence would please or satisfy our own feelings, which may have become somewhat morbid by dwelling on things too much. Ah! the simplicity of a true babe in Christ is what we want most, far more than that kind of assurance we covet thus greatly: a little of this goes a great way; it is the faith which pleases God, and removes the mountains; and by which we are to walk, rather than by sight it leads to look not at self with anxiety, how we shall be provided either with discernment, courage, or what else is needed; but to rest in the Lord, and cast

:

our burden on him, knowing he is ready to sustain such, so that they shall lack nothing; nor are they much moved by what arises to perplex, discourage or prove them, trusting over all in never-failing goodness.

I hope if what is now handed, should feel to thee to be as a word in season, and in any wise coming from the right source, thou wilt not hesitate to accept it through the fear of leaning on man. I consider that when instruments are rightly engaged for the help of others, they act not in their own name: such are ordained and needful in the church; and if our eye be single to the great Head, the giver of every good and perfect gift, and to his inward appearing and sense as to what comes through others, we shall not be in danger of hurt,―bearing always in mind his injunction, "Take heed how ye hear."

CHAPTER XIII.

1828, Second Month 9th, (Alton.)

-Thus far brought on my way, through the gracious condescending care and preservation of my God. Since I last wrote in this rough Memorial, how much do I owe for all the mercies poured upon me every day! Disease has prevailed all around; some of our acquaintance cut down in the midst of youth and health; why are we so dealt with, even in this one respect; and why in all others so blessed? O! is it that we walk more acceptably before the Lord, than those that may have been less privileged than ourselves? No, far from it! who so worthless, so graceless, in proportion to the talent bestowed as myself,-in dedication either in my family or in the church! O! how the enemy wounds and smites my life down to the ground! so that my faith is ready to fail, and mine eye in looking upward. To whom shall I go, to whom flee in every conflict, if not to the only resource and refuge? O! that my poor cry may be regarded, Let not the enemy vaunt and triumph over me;-let not that which thou hast begun in me, O Lord! the author and giver of all good, be evil spoken of; and they that hate me rejoice when I am moved.' O God! the strength, the power, the victory are thine; let me at this time return thee thanks out of an humbled and honest heart, for what thou hast hitherto effected, in drawing me out of darkness into thy marvellous light. O! let me hope, that thou wilt henceforth preserve, guide, and uphold my poor soul, amidst the sea of temptation

and conflict, in which thou mayst permit me again and again to be plunged. Let me trust thee for mercy, renewed pardon, and plenteous redemption, yea, for victory over all my besetments and weaknesses; so that I may put on strength in thy invincible name, and under thy holy banner make war in righteousness, against the world, the flesh, and the devil. O Lord! thus undertake and overcome for me, who cannot do anything without thee. Thou hast been my help; leave me not, neither forsake me, O! God of my salvation. Break my bonds, I beseech thee, and loose my captive spirit, which through thy grace longs for deliverance more and more;-nothing can satisfy my cravings, but thy unbounded goodness.

1828, Fifth Month 18th.

First day, during the Yearly Meeting:—every meeting day, yea, every day, every hour of my life do I'stand in the presence of Him, who is the God of the spirits of all flesh, the Master of the assemblies of the faithful, King of saints, the Judge of all the earth! "Fear ye not me? saith the Lord!"

Το

Alton, 29th of Fifth Month, 1829.

Our Quarterly and Monthly Meetings were seasons of sadness and depression, as thou mayst suppose but some of us were given, through and over all dismay and affliction, to trust and to cling to that, which yet remains an immovable rock and refuge; and therein to rejoice and be thankful on many accounts, though in tribulation. Surely, the effect of such shakings and provings of the foundation, whether it be the true one, and whether we be rightly established and preserved on it, must be ultimately