« ForrigeFortsæt »
house; but the rest of the lanes, as they call them, are absolutely common-sewers, which make the city look like a comb.
No wonder, then, if the Scots, who are not unfily resembled to a crepitus ventris, once Anglified, care not for returning to their native country; and yet, as the French refugees take all occasions to extol their monarch, his armies, palaces, &c. so these gentlemen, though in England, cannot forbear to magnify their own'gude land.' He is happy, that believes their report, without going thither to refute it.
If you call to have your sheets aired, forty to one, but the wench, in great civility, proffers to uncase, and come into bed to you. I was much surprised at my landlady's asking me one night, . If my cods lay right?' But I quickly cleared her from any ill meaning, when I understood, it is their name for the pillows.
You shall commonly hear a beggarly Scot, whose every meal is a stratagem, here in England, tell you of his felicities there, and how he used to walk about his father's perk, with a lacquey at his heels ; but you must not immediately conceive too extraordinary an opinion of his grandeur; for, upon inquiry how many deer bis father had in his perk, the truth will out, though to shame both Scot and Devil, That his father kept no deer in his perk, and that they call an inclosure a perk, in his country.' A Scotch laird, having got boosy, and mounted upon a mole bill to survey his large demeans, asked his man, “If he knew a greater lord than himself? He was told, 'Yes, viz. the Lord Jehovah.' Says he, Ise neer heard of that Lord, but get ye to him, and will bim immediately to surrender all to me, or Ise pull him out by the lugs.' The servant, to honour bis master's pride, seems to do so, and, upon his return, tells him he need not use such violent methods, it was but ask, and he might have his kingdom. Well, replies my gentleman, since he be so civil, deel take me, if ever I, or any of mine, set our foot where he's got to do.'
But, Sir, if you have the least regard to your own, or your country's reputation, you will never go thither to feed upon husks with swine, especially since you may have bread enough, and that of the finest sort, in our own universities. In a word, a Padua physician, a Salamanca doctor of divinity, and a Scotch master of arts, are three animals sunk below contempt, and not to be paralleled in the universe.
In the last place, for any advantage you are like to get, I dare be bold to say, you might hope for as much in one of those Lithuanian academies Dr. Crull speaks of, that are erected for the education of bears and other wild beasts.
Their colleges are neither, for learning, libraries, learned men, revenues, or structure, any more to be compared to ours, than a dancing-master's kit to a bass-viol, or a Welch vicarage to St. Paul's cathedral.
None but the principal and professors lodge within the walls at Edinburgh, to which you are going (I meddle not with St. An. drew's, Glascow, or Aberdeen, because I never saw them, and
hardly know how to believe the relations of those that have) so that you must undavoidably take up in the town with some fauce loon, who will stick to you as close as the ivy does to the oak, and for the same reason too, to draw away your sap from you. The scholars go like sword-men, and never can be called the gens togata, till they are laureated, i. e, take their degrees of masters of arts, which is constantly done at four years standing, and not unfrequentiy, especially if there be money in the case, sooner ; then they oblige you with a most ample diploma, written in an effeminate sort of Latin, and as fulsome as a mountebank's panegyrick on his own balsam, or wonder-working Panacea: The scope of it is to satisiy your friends, to whom returning, that you have spent much money, travelled many miles, endured great hardships, and taken extraordinary pains, to very little purpose.
This college is divided into five distinct classes : Each of these has a several regent, who, from nine till twelve in the morning, and from two till five in the afternoon, shall entertain you with a lecture as jejune as a homily, but as terrible for length, as an old parliament fast; and they, you know, were reckoned dreadful enough. The only degree they confer, is that of master of arts; Dr. Rule, the present principal, is doctor of medicine, though a divine. They have two pretty tolerable philosophers, one an Aristotelian, the other a disciple of Cartes; but not a good mathematician, or sound Grecian, in their whole college. For their divinity, it is so so. They are intirely of the presbyterian cut, and made more haste to throw out bishops, than the Israelites did of old to expel the Canaanites. Theft, as being one of their liberal sciences, is rather cherished than punished: But adulterers and fornicators are miserably persecuted by them. If they detect a lady of pleasure, they oblige her, publickly, in the time of divine wor hip, to mount a theatre of ignominy, called, forsooth, the stool of repentance, te the end all the geude brethren may know where to have a whore. They are professed foes to all copy-hold tenures in divinity, and will much rather preach extempore nonsense, than use notes In the time of King James I. soon after his coming into England, one of his own country thus accosted him, “Sir,' says he, ' I am sorry to see your Majesty so dealt with by your prelatical tantivies, as you are: Alas! they can neither preach, nor pray, but by a beuk; If your Majesty will please to hear me, Ise doe bath without. And so be did, till the King told him, “He preached and prayed, as if he had never leuked in a beuk in his whole life.'
In the College library, they keep Buchanan's scull; however the lining be wanting, which had, methought, a pretty distich upon it:
The first line I have forgot, but the second was thus :
Et decus es tumulo jam, Buchanane, tuo. But I must correct myself. I intended only a letter, but have insensibly swelled it to the dimensions of a treatise. I will conclude my observations of the country witb one short, and true, story. The
famous Duke of Lauderdale, when first minister of state, was invited to dinner by the then Lord Chancellor, and as splendidly entertained as the poverty of the country would permit: At taking leave, says he, My Lord, Ise con you mickle thanks for your generous and noble treat, which puts me in mind of one proverb we have in use amongst us, viz. That feuls make feasts, and wise men eat them. The other, loth to be out-done in point of civility, replied, " Ye say vary right, my Lord; and it is as true, That wise men make proverbs, and feuls' repeat them. Well, lest I should surfeit you with my rugged prose, I will, for once and away, try to fall into the ainble of rhyme doggrel:
And what, dear Sir, then is it quid reale,
All these you are sure to meet, with many more,
PROPOSALS FOR CARRYING ON
EFFECTUAL WAR IN AMERICA,
AGAINST THE FRENCH AND SPANIARDS.
Bellum justum, quibus necessarium, 8. pia arma, quibus in armis spes est.
Humbly offered to the Consideration of the King's most Excellent
Majesty, the Right Honourable the Lords Spiritual and Temporal, and the Honourable the House of Commons.
From a Quarto Edition, printed at London, in the Year MDCCII.
LL Europe is justly alarmed at the succession of Spain so unex
pectedly falling to the house of Bourbon, already too great. The intire reconciliation, and, as may be said, union of these two formidable monarchies, cannot but with good reasons cause the utmost jealousies in all their neighbours, who may be in danger of becoming their prey. Insomuch that a general confederacy, and well-cemented league, is absolutely necessary to support a vigorous and sudden war.
If you give these two powers time, they will more firmly unite together, induced to it, by the apprehensions they have of other nations. The French will inspire the Spaniards with their active and martial temper,
Rursus ad arma viros. with their art of government and management of their revenues, with their methods of advancing and engrossing trarle ; and we must expect in a short time to see the riches of the West-Indies fall into hands of these two nations, and they exclude all others.
Of all their neighbours the English have the greatest interest to hinder this mischief, and England is the only power that can, and ought to do it; since its colonies are so vast, and populous, and
since America is the only place where England can well with honour and profit enlarge its dominions, and soon become the most potent nation in the world : And it looks as if Providence had pointed out that way, when we consider the vast increase of the English in the West-Indies.
The English may easily ruin all the French colonies in America, and drive all the Spaniards out of their vast, but ill-fortified plantations. They are effeminate, and would surrender to a general enemy, and many of them are willing to be transported to Spain, where they have estates in land or money.
The Spaniards have possessed the fountains of gold and silver long enough; it is high time, they should pass into the hands of the English, who have in the same part of the world so many populous colonies, and out of which young people may be drawn, and transported to better places, as swarms out of bee-bives, to the incredible advantage of the nation in general.
If twenty-four years experience in those parts, some employments not very inconsiderable in peace and war, which the writer of this paper has had among the English and the French; if having seen and been concerned in most, if not all the actions that have been in those countries ; if all these things can enable him to judge rightly of the matter, he thinks that he may, upon very good grounds, affirm, that a war in America may be very practicable, and, with God's assistance, very successful.
The miscarriages and ill success of most of the undertakings there in the late war, and the great mortality which fell among the forces sent thither, is, perhaps, an objection, but many things may be replied to it: The incapacity of most of the commanders, their little skill in military affairs, the disaffection in some, the want of discipline and order in general: And you may add to this, the ill practices about the plunder; such disorders will hinder the best troops from doing any thing, much more such people as those forces were composed of.
As to the mortality and the great loss of men, it could not well be otherwise with unruly, drunken, and dissolute people, who, falling sick, had no body to assist and look to them. Good discipline, good order, good provisions, good physick, and such like necessaries, would certainly remedy all these evils.
I do here, with all submission and respect, propose a method by which I am persuaded, that a war may be carried on in America with very little charge; I mean, by managing the plunder, and other things of that nature, in such a manner as the proposed war should feed and maintain itself; and there is no doubt, but that, making war in a rich country, if affairs are rightly and honestly carried, the conquered people may be made to defray the charges, and so consequently the war would be enabled to support and maintain itself.
I likewise propose to raise forces as soon as possible in all the colonies out of the young people, who could be more easily transported any where. I would order them all into independent com