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And, lest a project, in its prime,
your commissioners of account.
But after this we think it nonsense ;
But since our enemies wou'd fright you,
We only add, that we are come
Honourable House for Redress of Grievances.
BY ONE OF THE CAMP CHAPLAINS, London: Printed for the use of the Petitioners ; and sold by Thomas Ranew, in Fleet-street, near Temple Bar. 1693. Quarto, containing four Pages.
Have to paper put pen,
By way of most humble petition,
In hope your good pleasure
Will once be at leisure
That impertinent crew, Your patience to weary and vex,
With a thing of no moment,
That has small weight, or none in't, But's as idle and light as their sex.
To make known our grievance
For you to relieve once,
Viz. Be it enacted,
That as we've contracted, Our salaries may be paid us,
That when we're dismiss'd ill,
We may not go whistle,
It will be a scandal
Even so to be sure,
If the pastor is poor,
Let's at table have place,
Or come in with the fruit
To give thanks, and sneak out,
(One part of our wishes) To fortify maw sacerdotal,
And leave to be drunk,
When we are dispos'd ad ridendum ;
And, if we want boots,
Whips, spurs, or sartoots,
Or their ruling matrons,
If sometimes they pass
To our hands a stol'n glass, Or some little orts of confecture.
And preferment deserv'd,
By every fop's letter
For his friend, that's no better,
To see a good living,
Be giv'n to a wigeon
With no more religion,
The worst sort of simony, Be the price of our presentation;
Nor to wed a cast mistress
When she's in great distress, Our requisite qualification.
To serve against France,
We earnestly sue t'ye,
That exempt from all duty, We may dine with our pious commanders.
14. Then brandy good store,
With several things more, Which we sons o'th' church bave a right in;
But chiefly w' intreat,
You'll never forget, To excuse us from preaching and fighting.
15. Let not a commission So change the condition,
Of him that just carried a halbert;
That a dunce of no letters
Should hector his betters,
Let's be broke ev'ry one,
Nor be so ill serv'd
To be left to be starv'd,
For your own and our ease,
For the grievances told
Are as frequent and old, As any besides in the nation.
And chuse a committee,
Our request do not spurn,
Nor vote it to burnWith a nemine contradicente.
19. To this if you yield,
Our mouths shall be fill'd With encomiums of your piety;
Whose excellent fame
We will loudly proclaim,
you remove What we disapprove, We all, down to Z from the letter A
By night and by day,
Will fervently pray, As in duty bound, &c. a.
HONOURABLE HOUSE FOR HUSBANDS. London : Printed for Mary Want-man, the Fore-maid of the Petitioners; and sold by A. Roper, in Fleet-street, 1693. Quarto, containing four pages.
We know you are harrassed with petitions from all quarters of
the nation ; for to whom should the miserable subject apply himself for a redress of his just grievances, but to this awful assembly? At present you have no less than the safety of all Europe, and that of England in particular, depending upon your supplies and assistance; yet, you sometimes condescend to entertain yourselves with things of far less importance. Give us leave, therefore, to lay our lamentable condition before you, and to expect a relief from your generous appearing in our behalf. We demand nothing but what is highly reasonable and advantageous to the state, nothing but what the laws of God, nature, and the end of our creation plead for, and, next to what immediately employs your counsels at this juncture, we offer a matter of the highest consequence that ever came within your walls.
You need not be reminded with what scorn and contempt the holy state of matrimony has of late years been treated: every nasty scribbler of the town has pelted it in his wretched lampoons ; it has been persecuted in sonnet, ridiculed at court, exposed on the theatre, and that so often, that the subject is now exhausted and barren; so that, if no new efforts have been lately made against our sex's charter, we are not to ascribe it either to the good goodnature, or conversion of the men, but only to the want of fresh matter and argument. What amicts us most, is to find persons of good sense and gravity, considerable for their estates and fortunes, so shamefully laid aside from their duty by the feeble sophistry of these little unthinking rhiming creatures; and to see that a scurrilous song, to the tune of a Dog with a bottle,' shall make a greater impression upon them than all the wholesome precepts of the apostles put together.
One, forsooth, is mortally afraid lest his head should ach within a fortnight, or so, after marriage; and yet makes no conscience of filling his carcass every night with filthy stummed wine, which in all probability will sooner give him a fever, than a wife confer a pair of horns upon him. A second professes he has an invincible aver.