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And, lest a project, in its prime,
Should be destroy'd for want of time,
We'll soon refer the whole amount
To

your commissioners of account.
Thus having tortur'd our invention,
To frame a draught of our intention,
By the advice of Hunton,
Wise Ely, Fack, and Tom De
And of all ranks some fifty-one :
Who have adjusted for our coming,
All gimcracks fit for such a mumming:
And 'tis their business to persuade you,
We come to succour, not invade you.

But after this we think it nonsense ;
Besides it is against our conscience,
To trouble you with a relation
Of tyranny and violation,
Or burdens that oppress the nation.
Since you can make the best construction,
Of what may turn to your destruction.

But since our enemies wou'd fright you,
Telling our debt to France is mighty;
As positively we assure you,
As if we swore before a jury;
That he expects no compensation,
But what be gains in reputation
For helping in our restoration.
And all must own, that know his story,
How far bis interest stoops to glory :
Whose generosity is sucb,
We doubt not he'll out-do the Dutch.

We only add, that we are come
By trumpet's sound, and beat of drum,
For our just title's vindication,
And liberty's corroboration.
So may we ever find success,
As we design you nothing less,
Than what you owe ta old QUEEN BESS.

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THE
CHAPLAIN'S PETITION

TO THE

Honourable House for Redress of Grievances.

BY ONE OF THE CAMP CHAPLAINS, London: Printed for the use of the Petitioners ; and sold by Thomas Ranew, in Fleet-street, near Temple Bar. 1693. Quarto, containing four Pages.

1.
SINCE the ladies 'gainst men

Have to paper put pen,

By way of most humble petition,

In hope your good pleasure

Will once be at leisure
To mend their now scurvy condition,

2.
And since you allow

That impertinent crew, Your patience to weary and vex,

With a thing of no moment,

That has small weight, or none in't, But's as idle and light as their sex.

3.
We, humble famelicks,

Divinity's relicks,
In plain English, chaplains domestick;

To make known our grievance

For you to relieve once,
On your door do our earnest request stick.

Viz. Be it enacted,

That as we've contracted, Our salaries may be paid us,

That when we're dismiss'd ill,

We may not go whistle,
As an ord’nary footman or maid does.

5.
For as to the land all,

It will be a scandal
To see sons of Levi go thread-bare ;

Even so to be sure,

If the pastor is poor,
His flock will ne'er greet him with head bare.

6.
Next, when we've said grace,

Let's at table have place,
And not sculk among the waiters,

Or come in with the fruit

To give thanks, and sneak out,
To dine upon half empty platters,

7.
But besides store of dishes

(One part of our wishes) To fortify maw sacerdotal,

Eleemosynary funk,

And leave to be drunk,
We humbly desire you to vote all.

8.
Item, pray make us able
To command steed in stable,

When we are dispos'd ad ridendum ;

And, if we want boots,

Whips, spurs, or sartoots,
Oblige surly groom straight to lend them.

9.
Nor let our great patrons,

Or their ruling matrons,
Read the butlers a juniper lecture,

If sometimes they pass

To our hands a stol'n glass, Or some little orts of confecture.

10.
When long we have serv'd,

And preferment deserv'd,
Let's not miss of our just expectations,

By every fop's letter

For his friend, that's no better,
Or our patron's more blockhead relations.

11.
For 'tis cause of grieving

To see a good living,
Which our thoughts had long been fix'd on,

Be giv'n to a wigeon

With no more religion,
And learning much less than his sexton.

12.
Nor yet let matrimony,

The worst sort of simony, Be the price of our presentation;

Nor to wed a cast mistress

When she's in great distress, Our requisite qualification.

13.
And if't be our chance

To serve against France,
At sea, on the Rhine, or in Flanders ;

We earnestly sue t'ye,

That exempt from all duty, We may dine with our pious commanders.

14. Then brandy good store,

With several things more, Which we sons o'th' church bave a right in;

But chiefly w' intreat,

You'll never forget, To excuse us from preaching and fighting.

15. Let not a commission So change the condition,

Of him that just carried a halbert;

That a dunce of no letters

Should hector his betters,
For truly we cannot at all bear't.

16.
Nor when the war's done,

Let's be broke ev'ry one,
To languish in rags and lie idle,

Nor be so ill serv'd

To be left to be starv'd,
And kept by a bear and a fiddle.

17.
May it therefore you please,

For your own and our ease,
To relieve us without hesitation,

For the grievances told

Are as frequent and old, As any besides in the nation.

18.
Then on us take pity,

And chuse a committee,
Let no other business event ye;

Our request do not spurn,

Nor vote it to burnWith a nemine contradicente.

19. To this if you yield,

Our mouths shall be fill'd With encomiums of your piety;

Whose excellent fame

We will loudly proclaim,
And worship next that of the Deity.

20.
When thus

you remove What we disapprove, We all, down to Z from the letter A

By night and by day,

Will fervently pray, As in duty bound, &c. a.

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HONOURABLE HOUSE FOR HUSBANDS. London : Printed for Mary Want-man, the Fore-maid of the Petitioners; and sold by A. Roper, in Fleet-street, 1693. Quarto, containing four pages.

We know you are harrassed with petitions from all quarters of

the nation ; for to whom should the miserable subject apply himself for a redress of his just grievances, but to this awful assembly? At present you have no less than the safety of all Europe, and that of England in particular, depending upon your supplies and assistance; yet, you sometimes condescend to entertain yourselves with things of far less importance. Give us leave, therefore, to lay our lamentable condition before you, and to expect a relief from your generous appearing in our behalf. We demand nothing but what is highly reasonable and advantageous to the state, nothing but what the laws of God, nature, and the end of our creation plead for, and, next to what immediately employs your counsels at this juncture, we offer a matter of the highest consequence that ever came within your walls.

You need not be reminded with what scorn and contempt the holy state of matrimony has of late years been treated: every nasty scribbler of the town has pelted it in his wretched lampoons ; it has been persecuted in sonnet, ridiculed at court, exposed on the theatre, and that so often, that the subject is now exhausted and barren; so that, if no new efforts have been lately made against our sex's charter, we are not to ascribe it either to the good goodnature, or conversion of the men, but only to the want of fresh matter and argument. What amicts us most, is to find persons of good sense and gravity, considerable for their estates and fortunes, so shamefully laid aside from their duty by the feeble sophistry of these little unthinking rhiming creatures; and to see that a scurrilous song, to the tune of a Dog with a bottle,' shall make a greater impression upon them than all the wholesome precepts of the apostles put together.

One, forsooth, is mortally afraid lest his head should ach within a fortnight, or so, after marriage; and yet makes no conscience of filling his carcass every night with filthy stummed wine, which in all probability will sooner give him a fever, than a wife confer a pair of horns upon him. A second professes he has an invincible aver.

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