off part of the bark,) by following which he said we might easily come to Port Royal in five or six hours. We were four in all; one of whom intended to go to England with me; the other two to settle in Carolina. About eleven we came into a large swamp, where we wandered about till near two. We then found another blaze, and pursued it, till it divided into two: one of these we followed through an almost impassable thicket, a mile beyond which it ended. We made through the thicket again, and traced the other blaze till that ended too. It now grew toward sunset; so we sat down, faint and weary, having had no food all day, except a gingerbread cake, which I had taken in my pocket. A third of this we had divided among us at noon; another third we took now; the rest we reserved for the morning; but we had met with no water all the day. Thrusting a stick into the ground, and finding the end of it moist, two of our company fell a digging with their hands, and, at about three feet depth, found water. We thanked God, drank, and were refreshed. The night was sharp; however, there was no complaining among us; but after having commended ourselves to God, we lay down close together, and (I at least) slept till near six in the morning. Sun. 4.-God renewing our strength, we arose neither faint nor weary, and resolved to make one trial more, to find out a path to Port Royal. We steered due east; but finding neither path nor blaze, and the woods growing thicker and thicker, we judged it would be our best course to return, if we could, by the way we came. The day before, in the thickest part of the woods, I had broke many young trees, I knew not why, as we walked along these we found a great help in several places, where no path was to be seen; and between one and two God brought us safe to Benjamin Arieu's house, the old man we left the day before. In the evening I read French prayers to a numerous family, a mile from Arieu's; one of whom undertook to guide us to Port Royal. In the morning we set out. About sunset, we asked our guide, if he knew where he was; who frankly answered, No. However we pushed on till, about seven, we came to a plantation, and the next evening (after many difficulties and delays) we landed on Port Royal Island. Wed. 7.-We walked to Beaufort; where Mr. Jones, (the minister of Beaufort,) with whom I lodged during my short stay here, gave me a lively idea of the old English hospitality. On Thursday Mr. Delamotte came; with whom, on Friday, the 9th, I took boat for Charlestown. After a slow passage, by reason of contrary winds, and some conflict (our provisions falling short) with hunger as well as cold, we came thither early in the morning, on Tuesday, the 13th. Here I expected trials of a different kind, and far more dangerous. For contempt and want are easy to be borne: but who can bear respect and abundance? Wed. 14.-Being desired to read public prayers, I was much refreshed with those glorious promises, contained both in the seventy-second psalm, and in the First lesson, the fortieth chapter of Isaiah. Yea, "they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint." In the afternoon, visiting a dying man, we found him still full of the freshest advices; and busy in settling the affairs of the Czarina, Prince Thamas, and the Ottoman Porte. How natural then is the thought,— Quæ cura nitentes Pascere equos, eadem sequitur tellure repostos.* For if a soul quivering on the verge of life, has still leisure for these impertinencies, one might almost believe the same dreams would continue even in the sleep of death! Fri. 16.-I parted from the last of those friends who came with me into America, Mr. Charles Delamotte, from whom I had been but a few days separate, since Oct. 14, 1735. Sun. 18.-I was seized with a violent flux, which I felt came not before I wanted it. Yet I had strength enough given to preach once more to this careless people; and a few "believed our report." Thur. 22.-I took my leave of America, (though, if it please God, not for ever,) going on board the Samuel, Captain Percy, with a young gentleman who had been a few months in Carolina, one of my parishioners of Savannah, and a Frenchman, late of Purrysburg, who was escaped thence with the skin of his teeth. Sat. 24.-We sailed over Charlestown bar, and about noon lost sight of land. The next day the wind was fair, but high, as it was on Sunday, 25, when the sea affected me more than it had done in the sixteen weeks of our passage to America. I was obliged to lie down the greatest part of the day, being easy only in that posture. Mon. 26.-I began instructing a negro lad in the principles of Christianity. The next day I resolved to break off living delicately, and return to my old simplicity of diet; and after I did so, neither my stomach nor my head much complained of the motion of the ship. Wed. 28.-Finding the unaccountable apprehensions of I know not what danger, (the wind being small and the sea smooth,) which had been upon me several days, increase, I cried earnestly for help; and it pleased God, as in a moment to restore peace to my soul. Let me observe hereon, 1. That not one of these hours ought to pass out of my remembrance, till I attain another manner of spirit, a spirit equally willing to glorify God by life or by death. 2. That whoever is uneasy on any account (bodily pain alone excepted) carries in himself his own conviction, that he is so far an unbeliever. Is he uneasy at the apprehension of death? Then he believeth not, that "to die is gain.' At any of the events of life? Then he hath not a firm belief, that "all things work together for" his "good." And if he bring the matter more close, he will always find, beside the general want of faith, every particular uneasiness is evidently owing to the want of some particular Christian temper. Sun. Jan. 1, 1738.-All in the ship (except the captain and steersman) were present both at the Morning and Evening service, and appeared as deeply attentive, as even the poor people of Frederica did, while the word of God was new to their ears. And it may be, one or two among these likewise, may "bring forth fruit with patience." * The same desires which they cherished on earth, remain in the world of spirits. Mon. 2.-Being sorrowful and very heavy, (though I could give no particular reason for it,) and utterly unwilling to speak close to any of my little flock, (about twenty persons,) I was in doubt whether my neglect of them was not one cause of my own heaviness. In the evening, therefore, I began instructing the cabin boy; after which I was much easier. I went several times the following days, with a design to speak to the sailors, but could not. I mean, I was quite averse from speaking; I could not see how to make an occasion, and it seemed quite absurd to speak without. Is not this what men commonly mean by, "I could not speak?" And is this a sufficient cause of silence, or no? Is it a prohibition from the good Spirit? or a temptation from nature, or the evil one? Fri. 6.-I ended the " Abridgment of Mr. de Renty's Life." O that such a life should be related by such an historian! who, by inserting all, if not more than all, the weak things that holy men ever said or did, by his commendation of almost every action or word which either deserved or needed it not, and by his injudicious manner of relating many others which were indeed highly commendable, has cast the shade of superstition and folly over one of the brightest patterns of heavenly wisdom. Sat. 7.-I began to read and explain some passages of the Bible to the young negro. The next morning, another negro who was on board desired to be a hearer too. From them I went to the poor Frenchman, who, understanding no English, had none else in the ship with whom he could converse. And from this time, I read and explained to him a chapter in the Testament every morning. Sun. 8.-In the fulness of my heart, I wrote the following words :"By the most infallible of proofs, inward feeling, I am convinced, "1. Of unbelief; having no such faith in Christ as will prevent my heart from being troubled; which it could not be, if I believed in God, and rightly believed also in him: "2. Of pride, throughout my life past; inasmuch as I thought I had what I find I have not: "3. Of gross irrecollection; inasmuch as in a storm I cry to God every moment; in a calm, not: "4. Of levity and luxuriancy of spirit, recurring whenever the pressure is taken off, and appearing by my speaking words not tending to edify; but most, by my manner of speaking of my enemies. "Lord save, or I perish! Save me, "1. By such a faith as implies peace in life and in death: "2. By such humility, as may fill my heart from this hour for ever, with a piercing uninterrupted sense, Nihil est quod hactenus feci; (I have done nothing hitherto ;) having evidently built without a foundation: "3. By such a recollection as may cry to thee every moment, especially when all is calm: Give me faith or I die; give me a lowly spirit; otherwise, mihi non sit suave vivere: (let life be a burden to me :) "4. By steadiness, seriousness, deuvolns, sobriety of spirit; avoiding, as fire, every word that tendeth not to edifying; and never speak ing of any who oppose me, or sin against God, without all my own sins set in array before my face." This morning, after explaining these words of St. Paul, “I beseech you brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God," I exhorted my fellow travellers with all my might, to comply with the apostle's direction. But "leaving them afterward to themselves," the seriousness they showed at first, soon vanished away. On Monday, 9, and the following days, I reflected much on that vain desire, which had pursued me for so many years, of being in solitude, in order to be a Christian. I have now, thought I, solitude enough. But am I, therefore, the nearer being a Christian? Not if Jesus Christ be the model of Christianity. I doubt, indeed, I am much nearer that mystery of Satan, which some writers affect to call by that name. So near, that I had probably sunk wholly into it, had not the great mercy of God just now thrown me upon reading St. Cyprian's works. “Ŏ my soul, come not thou into their secret!" Stand thou in the good old paths. Fri. 13.-We had a thorough storm, which obliged us to shut all close; the sea breaking over the ship continually. I was at first afraid; but cried to God and was strengthened. Before ten, I lay down: I bless God, without fear. About midnight we were awaked by a confused noise of seas and wind and men's voices, the like.to which I had never heard before. The sound of the sea breaking over and against the sides of the ship, I could compare to nothing but large cannon, or American thunder. The rebounding, starting, quivering motion of the ship much resembled what is said of earthquakes. The captain was upon deck in an instant. But his men could not hear what he said. It blew a proper hurricane; which beginning at southwest, then went west, northwest, north, and, in a quarter of an hour, round by the east to the southwest point again. At the same time the sea running (as they term it) mountain high, and that from many different points at once, the ship would not obey the helm; nor indeed could the steersman, through the violent rain, see the compass. So he was forced to let her run before the wind, and in half an hour the stress of the storm was over. About noon the next day it ceased. But first I had resolved, God being my helper, not only to preach it to all, but to apply the word of God to every single soul in the ship; and if but one, yea, if not one of them will hear, I know "my labour is not in vain.” I no sooner executed this resolution, than my spirit revived; so that from this day I had no more of that fearfulness and heaviness, which before almost continually weighed me down. I am sensible one who thinks the being in orco, as they phrase it, an indispensable preparative for being a Christian, would say, I had better have continued in that state; and that this unseasonable relief was a curse, not a blessing. Nay, but who art thou, O man, who, in favour of a wretched hypothesis, thus blasphemest the good gift of God? Hath not He himself said, "This also is the gift of God, if a man have power to rejoice in his labour?" Yea, God setteth his own seal to his weak endeavours while he thus "answereth him in the joy of his heart." Tues. 24.-We spoke with two ships, outward bound, from whom we had the welcome news, of our wanting but one hundred and sixty leagues of the Land's end. My mind was now full of thought; part of which I writ down as follows: "I went to America, to convert the Indians; but O! who shall convert me? who, what is he that will deliver me from this evil heart of unbelief? I have a fair summer religion. I can talk well; nay, and believe myself, while no danger is near: but let death look me in the face, and my spirit is troubled. Nor can I say, To die is gain !' 66 I have a sin of fear, that when I've spun I think, verily, if the Gospel be true, I am safe: for I not only have given, and do give, all my goods to feed the poor; I not only give my body to be burned, drowned, or whatever God shall appoint for me; but I follow after charity, (though not as I ought, yet as I can,) if haply I may attain it. I now believe the Gospel is true. I show my faith by my works,' by staking my all upon it. I would do so again and again a thousand times, if the choice were still to make. Whoever sees me, sees I would be a Christian. Therefore are my ways not like other men's ways.' Therefore I have been, I am, I am content to be, a by-word, a proverb of reproach.' But in a storm I think, What if the Gospel be not true? Then thou art of all men most foolish. For what hast thou given thy goods, thy ease, thy friends, thy reputation, thy country, thy life? For what art thou wandering over the face of the earth ?—A dream, "a cunningly devised fable!"' O! who will deliver me from this fear of death? What shall I do? Where shall I fly from it? Should I fight against it by thinking, or by not thinking of it? A wise man advised me some time since, Be still and go on.' Perhaps this is best, to look upon it as my cross; when it comes, to let it humble me, and quicken all my good resolutions, especially that of praying without ceasing; and at other times, to take no thought about it, but quietly to go on in the work of the Lord."" We went on with a small, fair wind, till Thursday in the afternoon; and then sounding, found a whitish sand at seventy-five fathom: but having had no observation for several days, the captain began to be uneasy, fearing we might either get unawares into the Bristol Channel, or strike in the night on the rocks of Scilly. Sat. 28.-Was another cloudy day; but about ten in the morning (the wind continuing southerly) the clouds began to fly just contrary to the wind, and, to the surprise of us all, sunk down under the sun, so that at noon we had an exact observation; and by this we found we were as well as we could desire, about eleven leagues south of Scilly. Sun. 29.-We saw English land once more; which, about noon, appeared to be the Lizard Point. We ran by it with a fair wind; and at noon, the next day, made the west end of the Isle of Wight. Here the wind turned against us, and in the evening blew fresh, so that we expected (the tide being likewise strong against us) to be driven some leagues backward in the night: but in the morning, to our great surprise, we saw Beachy-head, just before us, and found we had gone forward near forty miles. |