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the chief among ten thousands, and was ten thousand times welcome to me. And I was enabled, through grace, to own the covenant, and give up myself in an everlasting covenant, never to be forgotten, resolving, God's grace assisting me, to comply with every command of my dear Saviour. And these words loudly sounding in my ears, "This do in remembrance of me," adoring my dear Redeemer for his infinite goodness in appointing such a glorious ordinance for the nourishment of his dear children, in which they might have intimate communion with him, I promised, God enabling to keep it, that I never would omit that duty. (And I never did.)* In this condition I remained during the time of the administration of the ordinance, filled. with such a mixture of joy and grief, that I was not able to restrain myself, but was obliged to get down

* The critical reader will probably observe a defect in this relation, and that it is expressed in language, which appears too selfish. Mrs. Osborn was sensible of this defect when she re-viewed it, and wrote in the margin a note to the following purpose. "The language here used was common among christians, at that time, in relating their religious experiences, which now appears to me improper and defective. If I were not conscious of views of the excellence and glory of the divine character, and did not distinctly remember exercises of a higher and better kind, than are here expressed, I should doubt of their being genuine."

They who were acquainted with her manner of conversation on religious subjects, her consequent writings, and her conduct, had the most satisfactory evidence, that her religion was not of the selfish kind; but that it consisted most essen tially in seeking the glory of God, and benevolence to men. See note on her Diary, of March 6, 1763.

on the floor, and lean on the bench, for I could neither stand nor sit; but, being in a pew in the gallery, alone, my condition was not discovered by any, as I had no desire it should; for I strove to conceal it as much as possible.

Thus, through rich unlimited grace, was I brought to lay down my arms of rebellion, which I saw I had held as long as I could. Blessed be God, that I was then compelled to come in, and list under the banner of Christ. Sure I am, whatever others may boast of a free will, I have none of my own, but to do evil; for I resisted to the last moment. O my God! I adore thy sovereign power, which made me willing in the day of it. If ever there was a monument of mercy, sure I am one. O, so let me remain forever and ever, for Jesus' sake.

The next day I went to see Mr. Clap, with an intent to acquaint him with my desire to join the church, these words, "This do in remembrance of me," still sounding in my ears. But I appeared so vile in my own eyes, that I knew not how to ask the privilege of him. But when I came, after some usual questions concerning my welfare, he asked me when I had been to see him before. I answered, I had not for a long time. Then he asked me the reason of it. I dare not now make any formal excuses as usual; but burst out into tears, and told him, I had been too wicked. He no sooner perceived what my condition was, but like a tender father to a little child, bid me not grieve, if that was the reason; I was welcome to him now: And

he would do all he could to help me forward. And after some more conversation, contrary to my expectation, he asked me if I did not desire to join the church? I said, that was indeed part of my business. I had met with many hinderances, and particularly that awful text of scripture, "He that eateth and drinketh unworthily, eateth and drinketh damnation to himself," had made me afraid to approach the Lord's table. But now resolving, through grace, to rely upon Christ alone for assistance and acceptance, renouncing all my own righteousness, believing it to be a positive commanded duty, I dare not omit it once more, if I might be received. Upon this he told me he should inquire into my character. This I told him I expected; but could tell him more of myself, than any could say of me, having been, through restraining grace, kept from open and scandalous sins. Then he said I had great cause to be thankful. He bid me come to him, as often as I had a desire, if it was morning, noon or night, and I should be always welcome. And he lent me a book, entitled, "But they seek a better country, even an heavenly." I was so delighted with it, that I sat up all night to read it two or three times over.

I visited Mr. Clap very often; and he as often expressed his willingness to do me good. And once in particular, after he had done so, he lifted up his hands, giving me his blessing, and said, "You see I am willing to do you all the good I can; and if such a poor, smful creature as I am, is

willing to do so, think with yourself, how much more willing your glorious Lord is to receive you."

These words having so much reason in them, filled me with joy unspeakable. I hardly knew how to get home. I saw Christ willing, and I through grace, made willing. I could utter no other language but, "Come in, Lord Jesus, take full possession;. I will come to thee, thou art mine, and I am thine. Even so, Father; for so it seemed good in thy sight." I immediately retired when I got home, to give vent to my feelings. But O, what a rapture was I in, when I renewed my solemn engagements to be the Lord's! Enabled, I trust, by grace, sincerely to take the Lord Jehovah for my covenant God; the Lord Jesus to be my Prophet, Priest and King; the Holy Ghost for my comforter, guide and sanctifier; the scriptures for my rule to walk by: Giving up myself, soul and body, all my faculties and members, as instruments of righteousness. O, how I could sing of redeeming love and free grace! surely my heart reached forth in burning desires after the blessed Jesus. O, how was I ravished with his love! And when examining myself, thrice putting the question to my soul, which Christ put to Peter, tell me, O my soul, lovest thou the Lord Jesus? How did my heart melt, and my eyes flow with tears, in appealing to him! Lord, thou knowest all things, thou knowest that I love thee. And when enquiring into the cause of this love which I felt, and from whence it flowed, it still overcame me more, because I knew I was brought to love him, by the powerful grace of This

Christ, who was before, an enemy to him. caused me to loathe myself, and cry out, Lord, what a traitor have I been, and yet thou hast free

ly loved me! O, why me, Lord! Why am I not in hell! Why among the living to praise the Lord! There can be no reason, but this; where my sins have abounded, thy grace has much more abounded. O, amazing grace! Hast thou snatched me as a brand out of the burning! O, hast thou ransomed my soul from destruction, and delivered me from my own lusts, and out of the clutches of a cruel tyrant, who had so long enslaved me, and tyranised over me in misery! O, then how sweet was a Saviour! I could heartily subscribe to those words of scripture, "Unto you who believe he is precious. The chief among ten thousand, altogether lovely."

Thus I continued from day to day, in such ecstacies of joy, thirsting for full sanctification, and more intimate communion with God; daily asking what I should render to him for all his benefits to such an hell deserving sinner; earnestly begging that God would find out some way for me, that I might be made instrumental in advancing his kingdom and interest in the world. O, how I dreaded being an unprofitable servant. The employment I still followed seemed to encourage me to hope God intended to make use of me for the instruction of little ones; which caused me often to bless God for placing me in that calling. And though I know that in every thing I offend, and in all come short of God's glory; so that every performance has

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