companion, whom I dearly loved, was great; yet the veins of mercy, which I saw running through all my afflictions, were so great likewise, that with Job, I could say, "The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away, and blessed be the name of the Lord." I had then the promises of the widow's God to plead, and seemed to cast myself more immediately upon his care, verily believing, as I thought, he would provide for me, with my father-. less babe; for whom I often pleaded for covenant blessings, since he had been cast upon God from the womb.

O, how much comfort do those parents lose, who never gave their children up to God in baptism in their infancy! And how sad for children themselves to be deprived of the privilege of pleading with God for covenant blessings! My being dedicated to God in my infancy always put an argument into my mouth, to beg of God that I might not cut myself off, since I was a child of the covenant, and from a child given to him in baptism. But, to

return:

As before this affliction every one seemed to be enemies to me, so from that time, all became friends. My parents treated me very tenderly; and God inclined every one who saw me to be kind to me. My brother was come into New-England: And being a single man, we went to house-keeping together. But in three months after he married, and I soon found it would not do to live as before; and began to be thoughtful how I should do. I could see no way in which I could get a living. All doors

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seemed to be shut. But I verily believed that God would point out a way for me. And accordingly, the very day I came to a resolution to move as soon as I could, a stranger to my case, who kept a school a little way off, came to me, and told me that she only waited for a fair wind to go to Carolina; and, if it would suit me, I should have her chamber and scholars; which I joyfully accepted.. Thus the widow's God remarkably provided for me. This was on November 19, 1734. I was then placed in a family, who discovered a great deal of affection for me; and in all respects used me as tenderly as if I had been a near relation.

It pleased God the next May to lay his afflicting hand on me, by a sharp humour, which broke out in my hands, so that, for three months, every finger I had was wrapped up in plasters; and I could help myself but very little, and was under the doctor's hands. In the fall I was taken with violent. fits, and was quite deprived of sense by them five days. I was blistered almost all over by the doctor; and my hands and arms were all raw, from my fingers' ends, up above my elbows, attended with a high fever. But all my friends were exceedingly kind to me, and those in the house took care of me, and of my children too; so that my school was not broken up, till I was able to take care of it myself again. But the sharp humour continued.. very violent, at times, for some years: And still continues at some seasons. But, in all this time of illness, God wonderfully provided for me. I want

ed for none of the comforts of life: Neither was I cast down; for his mercy held me up.

The instances of the remarkable hand of God in his providence, in ordering my temporal affairs, are innumerable. But, oh vile wretch! after all this I grew slack again, and got into a cold, lifeless frame. As I grew better in bodily health, my soul grew sick. I daily laid up a stock for repentance. But, through rich grace, I was again convinced of my stupidity, and began to be more diligent in attending on the means of grace. But I found I could not profit by the word preached: Nothing reached my heart; all seemed but skin deep: And the more I went to meeting, the more I found it so. Then I began to think I must take some other

course...

Not long after I went to hear Mr. Clap'; who told me the very secrets of my heart in his sermon, as plain as I could have told them to him, and indeed more so. His sermon was very terrible to me. My sins, from my cradle, were ranked in order before my eyes, and they appeared dreadful. I saw the depravity of my nature; and how I was exposed to the infinite justice of an angry God. All my former convictions were brought to my remembrance. I saw how I had stifled the motions of the blessed Spirit of God, and resisted all the kind invitations of a compassionate Saviour. I was heart-sick of all my works. And as it had been often suggested to me, I believe from Satan, that it was time enough for me to repent hereafter, it was now strongly impressed on my mind, that it was now too late for me to find mercy.

Once I might have had a

Christ; but now my day was past. And it was suggested that I had committed the unpardonable sin; because I had sinned against light and knowledge, even against the convictions of my own conscience. This I knew I had done; and therefore believed I had committed that sin which could never be forgiven.

In this distress, I went to my Bible; but could find nothing but terror there. My whole attention was turned to such passages as the following: "After thy hardness and impenitent heart, treasur est up wrath to thyself against the day of wrath, and revelation of the righteous judgment of God,. who will render to every man according to his deeds. All liars shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone. Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels. Consider this, ye that forget God, lest I tear you in pieces, and there be none to deliver. He that being often reproved,. hardeneth his neck, shall suddenly be destroyed, and that without remedy. Ye have set at nought my counsel, and would none of my reproof: I also will laugh at your calamity, and mock when your fear cometh. It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. Who among us can dwell with everlasting burnings!" All these, and many more such terrible passages of scripture, I found, whenever I opened the Bible. My eyes were open to nothing else, and not one word of comfort could I find. And if I thought of complying with

my commanded duty, I seemed to be frowned away by these words. "What hast thou to do to take my covenant into thy mouth?" Oh, the distress and anguish of soul I then felt, neither my tongue nor pen can express, when I was brought to believe there was no mercy for such a monster in sin as I was, and expected every moment that hell would open its mouth and swallow me up, amazed that God had kept ine out so long!

When Satan, and my wicked heart, had prevail⚫ed so far as to make me despair of the mercy of God, and verily to believe hell would be my portion, I was tempted to try to get the easiest room there; and, to that end, to keep myself as ignorant as I could; it being suggested to my mind, that the servant who knew not his Lord's will would be beaten with few stripes; while he who knew it, and did it not, would be beaten with many stripes: And as my time was over for doing his will, I had better leave off reading, praying or hearing the word preached any more; for I should fare better, if I did. And oh, vile wretch as I was, I yielded in some measure to the subtle adversary of my soul and salvation. O, astonishing grace, that God did not strike me down into hell the very moment I thought to do so! God had been just if he had done so, though I must have weltered under the scalding drops of his wrath forever and ever.

But, O! what shall I say, or how, with gratitude enough, express the wonderful goodness of that God, who preserved me, even when I was, in my own apprehension, upon the very brink of hell,

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