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vile of all creatures: Whose deep rooted enmity against thee and thy laws broke out into action, as foon as I was capable of any. The first that I can remember of actual fins, of which I was guilty, was telling a lie. And then that text of scripture often rang in my ears, "All liars shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and bramstone."

I was frequently under the strivings of the Spirit of God, preffing me to forsake fin, and repent and perform duties: But fometimes found them very burdensome to me; fuch as praying and saying many good things, which I was frequently taught. Bleffed be God for fuch inftructions. Sometimes I loved them, and was much affected with them: But my corruptions prevailed dreadfully, an angry temper fliring in me; especially when corrected by my mother. But I acknowledge, to the glory of God, that he preserved such a tenderness of confcience in me, that if at any time my mother convinced me that she did it because it was her duty, and for my fin against God, I could bear it patiently, and willingly, yea thankfully.

Thus I continued till I was about seven or eight years old; when, my father being in New England, my mother put me to a boarding fchool, about three miles from London, where every thing was delightful to me. I was con flantly taught things that were religious, and they allbecame sweet to me, fo that I verily thought I lived a heaven upon earth. O, how sweet were Sabbaths! And for fecret prayer, I would not have omitted it for all the world; nay, the fin of omiting it appeared so monstrous, and fuch a dreadful dreadful thing, that I dare not lie down without it: In this I was doubtless governed by a legal spirit. I was frequently much enlarged in that duty, and used to weep much when confeffing my fins, and pleading for the pardon of them, and for an interest in Christ. The name of Christ was sweet to me, and fin appeared more hateful. I often used to reprove others, when guilty of it. But once in particular, I remember, when I was at Hartford, where my grandmother lived, and my brother with her, a little time before we came to New England, my brother did something which I thought was wicked, and I reproved him fharply for it; but was much perplexed, after I had done it, with these words of fcripture, "Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou fee clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye." This frighted me exceedingly. I thought I was a vile hypocrite, and should never dare to reprove any body again. And, I suppose, a hypocrite I was. But at last I told my grandmother of it, who encouraged me to go on, telling me it was my duty so to do; and if I was faithful, God would bless me, and love me.

So I continued for a while, as I thought, to delight in the ways of holiness. But alas! alas! how foon was it over! My goodness was like the morning cloud and the early dew, which foon paffeth away; for when I was in my ninth year my father fent for my mother and me to come to New England to him. And on board the ship I lost my good impreffions, and grew vile, so that I could then play upon the Sabbath. But was convinced of that fin by an accident which befel befel me; or rather what was ordered by infinite wisdom for that end. For as I was busy in boiling fomething for my amusement, I fell into the fire with my right hand, and burnt it all over; which I presently thought came justly upon me for playing on the Sabbath day: And I was ashamed and forry I had done fo.

But after this I do not remember any particular conviction for fome years; but was changeable and inconstant, sometimes quite careless, and then more diligent in the performance of prayer. I had always, as I thought, a great love for those who I believed were good people, efpecially ministers. My very heart would leap with joy, when I could fee, or come near enough to touch them. I mention this as a childish notion, that I took such pleasure in touching them. I used to go secretly behind them for that purpose. I thought I could do any thing in my power to serve them.

About two years and an half after we came to Boston, my parents moved to Freetown, and I with them. And when I was about thirteen years old, my mother went from thence to Newport on Rhodeisland, and went to visit Mr. Clap, who gave her a little book of fpiritual fongs for me, and defired her to give it to me, and tell me that it came from one who was a hearty well wisher to my foul. These words immediately seized me, and filled me with fhame to think that one whom I never knew should take such care of my precious foul, while I was fo careless myself. And from that minute I thought I had a grateful love for Mr. Clap, and longed longed to fit under his ministry. I was then for some time under strong convictions. Had such a sense of the hardness of my heart, that I often thought it was impossible for me to be fufficiently awakened by any ordinary means; and prayed that God would do any thing with me, though ever so terrible, so that I might be driven from my evil courses, and turned to God. Some change I thought must be wrought in me, or I should never get to heaven; but after what manner, I knew not. However, I resolved to perfist in the way of duty, as I called it, and to forsake my fins, and lead a new life. But, fool that I was, I made resolutions in my own strength, and built upon my own works; and fo foon fell again. O, amazing grace, that God should spare such a wretch as me, such an a bufer of mercy!

But

After this I found myself dead, and to have no heart, as I thought, to pray, nor any sweet. ness in it, when I did. Then, O how I longed for the return of the spirit of God, imagining he was withdrawn from me. Sometimes I did agonize in prayer, and plead with God that he would return to me by his Spirit once more. was often answered by these words, " My Spirit shall not always strive with man." Then I would beg, and promise that if God would try me this once, I would never grieve or refift his Spirit again. O, wretch that I was! thus to lie to the glorious God, who was then friving with me, to bring me to his Son; for I did, I did quench his motions, and foon forgot my promises. Ο, deceitful and dreadfully wicked heart! who can know.

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know it? Lord, I am amazed at thy patience that I am out of hell.

Sometime after this, contrary to my parents' commands, I got into a canoe to paddle about in the river, and could not get on shore again. It being in the night, though the moon shined bright, I expected no other but to be drowned. Once I thought to get out, and pull the canoe to the shore; but tried first if I could reach the bottom with my paddle: And finding I could not, durst not venture. Then I could fee no probability of escaping death. So I kneeled down and prayed, and all my former convictions revived: And the fin of disobedience to my parents especially appeared odious. I thought it was just that God should bring me into this distress for this fin; and with great vehemence and felf abhorrence confessed my fins, with their aggravations before God, pleading for an interest in the blood of Christ, and for pardon for his fake, for that, and all my other sins. And while I was praying, I felt a secret joy, verily believing that I was forgiven, and that Christ had loved me with an everlasting love, and that I should be happy with him, and longed for the time. I was immediately resigned, as I thought, to the will of God, quite willing to die, and willing to live; begging that God would dispose of me as most consisted with his glory. And after I had thus resigned myself, as I thought, soul and body into the hands of God, to do with me as seemed good to him, I was as calm and serene in the temper of my mind, as ever in my life.

* Their house stood by Taunton river, which was navigable.

But

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