lovely Jesus for appointing such an ordinance as this. But I cease to say any more of this; for it is impossible for me to defcribe the thousandth part of what I then felt. O, that I could always live as one who had thus been on the mount with God! The next morning I was as much refreshed by meditating on the 32d Pfalm, from the first verse, to the end of the 5th. This caufed me yet more to adore diftinguishing grace, and even to be swallowed up with love to the immaculate Lamb; and refolve more and more, with full purpose of heart to cleave to the Lord. The frequent language of my foul was this, " Whom have I in heaven but thee? And there is none upon earth that I defire besides thee." I daily renewed my covenant engagements with God: But that they might be more inviolably kept, I resolved to write them. And accordingly began to do it; and went on comfortably, till I came to write these words, " That I would leave, lose, and deny all that was dear to me, when it stood in competition with God, even life itself, if he should please to call for it, rather than to forsake him and his ways." Then Satan beset me, and furiously affaulted me. He suggested to me that I was now lying to God: For I had nothing in me, that would stand by me, when an hour of trial should come; but, with the stony ground hearers, would fall away. This gave me a dreadful shock at first, and caused me to stop a while, to plead with God for a discovery of my state: That he would search me and try me, and fee if there were any wicked D wicked way in me: And grant me real and perfevering grace. And in answer to my petitions, the following portion of God's word was powerfully set home to my heart, " My grace is fufficient for thee." And then my heart was filled with joy and praises, firmly believing he was faithful who had promised, and therefore would perform it. So I proceeded to write with more fixed resolution than before. But again Satan with great fury affaulted me, and told me, my hope would furely perish; and I should turn back, and be worse than ever, and brought to shame; and ranked in order my fins of youth. But I immediately opened my Bible, being dreadfully shocked with fear left it should be so. And the first lines I cast my eyes upon were in Isaiah liv. 4, &c. "Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: Neither be thou confounded, for thou shalt not be put to shame : For thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more. For thy Maker is thine busband, the Lord of hosts is his name, and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Ifrael, the God of the whole earth shall he be called. For the Lord hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou wast refused, faith thy God. For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee. In a little wrath I hid my face from thee, for a moment; but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, faith the Lord thy Redeemer. For this is as the waters of Noah unto me. For as I have sworn that that the waters of Noah should no more go over the earth; so have I sworn that I would not be wroth with thee, nor rebuke thee. For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, faith the Lord that hath mercy on thee." These gracious promises were so adapted to every particular of my circumstances, and applied by the Spirit of God, with such great power, that they strengthened me exceedingly. But O, when I had finished writing my covenant, which was on the 26th of March, 1737, and came to fpread it before God, and with prayers and tears to deliver it to him as my own act and deed, it verily feemed to me that all the heavens rang with acclamations of joy, that fuch a prodigal as I was returned to my God and Father. And my joy was fo great, that my bodily strength failed, and I was, for fome time, as one whose foul was ready to break loofe, and wing away into the bosom of my God. Ο, how welconie a messenger would death then have been to me! But my great petition was, that I might with patience wait my appointed time, and glorify God upon earth. After I had so solemnly delivered my folemn covenant engagements to God, under hand and feal, I went on my way rejoicing; this being the language of my foul, " Who fhall feparate me from the love of God? Shall tribulation, or diftrefs, or perfecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or fword? No. I am perfuaded, that neither life, nor death, nor angels, nor principalities, palities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to feparate me from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus my Lord." And I am aftonished, when I remember the amazing condescension of my God! Hegranted me near access to the throne of his grace continually: And in almost every thing for which I earnestly prayed, I was remarkably answered; and so surprisingly, at some times, that I was afraid to think it was fo. Once in particular, in that fame month of March, as I was asleep in the bed, early in the morning, I was awaked with the most terrible wind that I ever knew. It immediately tore off both my windows, and carried them into the street. I rose directly, and looked out. I think I never saw the heavens and the water look fo dreadfully before: And the wind blew exceed-. ing hard, fo that it appeared that all the vessels in the harbor would foon be broken to pieces. I thought of those poor fouls who were exposed to the fury of the storm; and my heart was filled with tender pity and compassion for them. I retired, for fecrecy, into the garret. After I got there, I expected every moment that the roof would be ripped off and blown away. But I was very earnest with God to abate the violence of the storm, and to have compaffion on the poor fouls in distress. And while I continued pleading with God, I had an affecting view and sense of the fufficiency of one word of Christ to do it. It was only for him to say, "Peace, bestill," and the winds and fea would immediately obey him. And And after I had fome time thus wrestled with God in prayer, I went down. I had been so earnestly engaged, that I had not perceived any abatement of the ftorm; but looking again out of the window in my chamber, I was furprised above measure. The fea looked as calm and pleasant to me, as if there had been no storm. I immediately retired again, and returned thanks for it, as a remarkable answer of prayer. But have often heard fince, that it was a piece of pride and presumption for me to think it fo. However, this I know, God is both the hearer and answerer of pra er, for Jesus' fake... I could not avoid, when there was opportu... nity for it, expreffing my love and thankfulness to God, for snatching me as a brand out of the burning: And when I did this once to my mother, with tears of joy running down my cheeks, she said to me, "Ah, child, you will not: always find your love thus flaming to the bleffed Jesus. After a while you will be more cool again." But I hastily answered, too much like Peter, It was impoffible. I could be fuch a monster för ingratitude. But she told me, she did not mean that I should in reality love him less, but compared the first espousals of a foul to Chrift, with that of a husband and wife, which was generally attended with more fondness and ! joy, than afterwards, though the love might be the fame, or stronger.. I continned to go on my way rejoicing for some time, without knowing what is was to be deferted one hour together, or entirely to lose sensible communion with God in any duty or special d 4 |