tears! I was humbled to the dust, and amazed, as 1 paraphrased upon every branch of the text. It surprised, and comforted me too, to find that there had no temptation taken me, but such as is common to man, when but a few minutes before I had been thinking that none had ever been tempted as I was. But as I perused the other part, viz. That God was faithful, and would not fuffer me to be tempted above that I wasable; but would, with the temptation, make a way for me to escape, that I might be able to bear it; my transport of joy was so great, that it was more than my poor feeble frame was able to fustain; for my nature even fainted with exceffive joy. Then I faw Christ not only able, but willing to receive me; and could freely trust my foul in his hands. O, how was that scripture verified, which fays, " By grace are ye saved, through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God." Sure I am, I can never boast; for it was as much impossible for me of myself to believe, as it was to create a new world, owing to the criminal blindness and obftinacy of my heart, which could not be fubdued by any thing short of infinite power. Neither could any power, less than that which raised Jesus from the dead, cause me to venture upon Christ, and accept him upon his own terms. Now my Bible appeared quite different from what it did but just before. I could find cordials in great numbers of texts of scripture; and all, as well as that just mentioned, looked to me as if I had never read them before. I think I did not fleep any that night; but continued praising God. The next day I went to meeting: And, it being facrament day, I stayed to fee the ordinance administered. But O, what a condition I was in, when I viewed the dear children of God fitting with the Redeemer at his table! By faith I saw a crucified Saviour pouring out his precious blood to redeem Lis people from their fins. And believing that I, through grace, was one of them, O, how did my heart melt, and my eyes flow withtears, when I thought I saw my dearest Lord in his bitter agony in the garden: And then crowned with thorns, buffetted and beaten; and at last nailed to an accurfed tree: And all to free me from the torments I had fo lately dreaded! It caused me bitterly to reflect upon myself, and cry out, "My fins, my fins, O Lord, have been the procuring cause of thy bitter sufferings!" Oh, how odious did my fins appear then! And especially the monstrous sins of ingratitude and unbelief, which I had been guilty of, in abusing so long the kind invitations of a bleeding, expiring Jesus. Oh! when I confidered how often and how long he had stood knocking; but could have no entrance into my hardened heart, I was astonished at myself, that I could poffibly be so cruel; and aftonished at free grace and redeeming love, that I was spared to fee that happy day. O then I begged that the everlasting doors of my foul might be lifted up, that the King of glory might enter in and take full poffeffion. O, how gladly did I embrace a Saviour upon his own terms, as my Prophet, Prieft and King ! He appeared lovely, lovely, the chief among ten thousands, and was ten thousand times welcome to me. And I was enabled, through grace, to own the cove. nant, and give up myself in an everlasting cove nant, never to be forgotten, resolving, God's grace affifting me, to comply with every command of my dear Saviour. And these words loudly founding in my ears, “This dó in re membrance of me," adoring my dear Redeemer for his infinite goodness in appointing such a glorious ordinance for the nourishment of his dear children, in which they might have intimate communion with him, I promised, God: enabling to keep it, that I never would omit that duty. (And I never did.)* In this condition I remained during the time of the administration of the ordinance, filled with fuch a mixture of joy and grief, that I was not able to re-strain myself, but was obliged to get down on the floor, and lean on the bench; for I could neither stand nor fit; but, being in a pew in the gallery, alone, my condition was not discovered * The critical reader will probably observe a defect in this relation, and that it is expressed in language, which appears too felfifh. Mrs. Ofborn was sensible of this defect when the reviewed it, and wrote in the margin a note to the following purpose. "The language here used was common among christians, at that time, in relating their religious experiences, which now appears to me improper and defective. If I were not confcious of views of the excellence and glory of th the divine character, and did not distinctly remember exercises of a higher and better kind, than are here expressed, I should doubt of their being, genuine. They who were acquainted with her manner of conversation on religious fubjects, her confequent writings, and her conduct, had the most fatisfactory evidence, that her religion was not of the selfish kind; but that it confifted most essentially in seeking the glory of God, and be nevolence to men. Sce note on her Diary, of March 6; 17636 ed by any, as I had no defire it should; for I strove to conceal it as much as poffible. Thus, through rich unlimited grace, was I brought to lay down my arms of rebellion, which I faw I had held as long as I could. Blessed be God, that I was then compelled to come in, and lift-under the banner of Christ. Sure I am, whatever others may boaft of a free will, I have none of my own, but to do evil; for I refifted to the last moment. O my God! I adore thy sovereign power, which made me willing in the day of it. If ever there was a monument of mercy, fure I am one. O, so let me remain forever and ever, for Jesus' fake. But I The next day I went to fee Mr. Clap, with an intent to acquaint him with my defire to join the church, these words, This do in remembrance of me, lill founding in my ears. appeared so vile in my own eyes, that I knew not how to afk the privilege of him. But when I came, after some usual questions concerning my welfare, he asked me when I had been to fee him before. Ianswered, I had not for a long time. Then he asked me the reason of it. I dare not now. make any formal excuses as usual; but burst out into tears, and told him, I had been too wicked. He no fooner perceived what my condition was,. but like a tender father to a little child, bid me not grieve, if that was the reason; I was welcome to him now: And he would do all he could to help me forward. And after some more conversation, contrary to my expectation, he asked me if I did not defire to join to the church? I faid, that was indeed part of my bufinefs.. ! ! ! finess. I had met with many hinderances, and particularly that awful text of fcripture, "He that eateth and drinketh unworthily, eateth and drinketh damnation to himself," had made me afraid to approach the Lord's table. But now resolving, through grace, to rely upon Christ alone for affistance and acceptance, renouncing all my own righteousness, believing it to be a positive commanded duty, I dare not omit it once more, if I might be received. Upon this he told me he should inquire into my character. This I told him I expected; but could tell him more of myself, than any could fay of me, having been, through restraining grace, kept from open and scandalous sins. Then he faid I had great cause to be thankful. He bid me come to him, as often as I had a defire, if it was morning, noon or night, and I should be always welcome. And he lent me a book, entitled, "But they seek a better country, even an heavenly." I was so delighted with it, that I fat up all night to read it two or three times over. I visited Mr. Clap very often; and he as often expreffed his willingness to do me good. And once in particular, after he had done so, he lifted up his hands, giving me his blessing, and faid, "You set I am willing to do you all the good I can; and if fuch a poor, finful creature as I am, is willing to do so, think with yourself, how much more willing your glorious Lord is to receive you." These words, having so much reason in them, filled me with joy unspeakable. I hardly knew how to get home, I law Christ willing, and I, through. |