was time enough for me to repent hereafter, it was now ftrongly impressed on my mind, that it was now too late for me to find mercy. Once I might have had a Christ; but now my day was paft. And it was suggested that I had committed the unpardonable fin; because I had finned against light and knowledge, even against the convictions of my own conscience. This I knew I had done; and therefore believed I had committed that fin which could never be forgiven.

In this distress, I went to my Bible; but could find nothing but terror there. My whole attention was turned to fuch paffages as the following. "After thy hardness and impenitent heart, treasurest up wrath to thyself against the day of wrath, and revelation of the righteous judgment of God, who will render to every man according to his deeds. All liars shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone. Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels. Confider this, ye that forget God, lest I tear you in pieces, and there be none to deliver. He that being often reproved, hardeneth his neck, shall suddenly be destroyed, and that without remedy. Ye have fet at nought my counsel, and would none of my reproof: I also will laugh at your calamity, and mock when your fear cometh. It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. Who among us can dwell with everlasting burnings!" All these, and many more fuch terrible passages of scripture, I found, whenever I opened the Bible. My eyes were open to nothing else, and notone word

word of comfort could I find. And if I thought of complying with any commanded duty, I seemed to be frowned away by these words, What haft thou to do to take my covenant into thy mouth? Oh, the distress and anguish of foul I then felt, neither my tongue nor pen can express, when I was brought to believe there was no mercy for fuch a monster in sin as I was, and expected every moment that hell would open its mouth and swallow me up, amazed that God had kept me out so long!

When Satan, and my wicked heart, had prevailed so far as to make me despair of the mercy of God, and verily to believe hell would be my portion, I was tempted to try to get the cafielt room there; and, to that end, to keep myself as ignorant as I could; it being suggested to my mind, that the fervant who knew not his Lord's will would be beaten with few ftripes; while he who knew it, and did it not, would be beaten with many stripes: And as my time was over for doing his will, I had better leave off reading, praying or hearing the word preached any more; for 1 should fare better, if I did. And oh, vile wretch as I was, I yielded in fome measure to the fubtil adversary of my foul and salvation. O, astonishing grace, that God did not strike me down into hell the very moment I thought to do fo! God had been juft if he had done fo, though I must have weltered under the scalding drops of his wrath forever and ever.

But, O! what shall I say, or how, with gratitude enough, express the wonderful goodness of that God, who preferved me, even when I was,

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was, in my own apprehenfion, upon the very brink of hell, weltering in my blood; when no eye pitied me, and no created arm could save me: Even then did he spread his skirt over me, and faid to me, Live. After I had been near a week in this distress, my very foul racked with fear of what I must undergo to all eternity, those words, " Depart from me," founding in my ears, and 1 uttering the language of hell, " There is no hope! There is no help! The door of mercy is shut against me forever!" all at once, I was alarmed with these thoughts, which seemed to be conveyed to my mind in the following words. "Who has told you, that your day of grace is over? Are not the doors of the meeting house open? Cannot you hear the offers of salvation? Have you not your Bible to read? And you may pray: Therefore, you see your external day of grace is not over. And how do you know but you may yet obtain mercy? It is the devil who has suggested all this to you; and he • is a liar from the beginning." I was then con

vinced, that it was the devil who had been tempting me to despair of the mercy of God, which I did not perceive before, but verily thought what he suggested to me was true, viz. That there was no hope for me.

During the time of this distress, which was from Saturday night to the next Saturday night, 1 flept no more than just to keep me alive. And when I did fleep, it was filled with terrors. It was the fame with my necessary food; I thought myfelf so unworthy of the least mercy, that I knew not how to eat. I found that expreffion of Solomon Solomon to be true, " The spirit of a man will suslain his infirmity; but a wounded spirit who can bear ?" For fure I am that no affliction or pain of body whatever, is to be compared with what I then underwent. Oh how terrible must it be for those poor fouls who are on a death bed, to have such hard work to do! I have often thought if I had not been in bodily health, I could not have lived through it. But, blessed be God, it was when I was as well in body, as I have been for many years; which has been a comfort to me on all accounts; and particularly because fick bed repentance too frequently wears off. But to proceed :

After I faw that I wastempted by Satan to defpoir, and knowing that he was a liar, I began, for a few minutes, to have some glimmering of hope that it might poffibly be, that Christ would receive me, because he had spared me hitherto, on this fide the grave, and out of hell. Who knows, thought I, but I may yet be a child of God.. Immediately upon these thoughts, I was furioufly affaulted with new temptations by Satan, I believe, not to flatter myself with the thought that I should be a child of God; for I was not elected, and therefore could not be saved. Befides, God did not leave his children to he tempted by him, as I had been. I might be fure, if I was one of God's chosen, he would not have fuffered me to be tempted fo; but I belonged to Satan, and he was sure of me. And I, like a fool, yielded to these suggestions, and at once cast off my hope again, verily believing it was impoffible that I could ever be a child of God.

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God. Now I was brought to the greatest extremity, and plunged into as deep an agony as ever. I saw myself utterly lost without a Chrift. I thought I could have fuffered all the torments in the world for an interest in Christ. If I could have purchased him by doing any thing, though ever so hard, I should then have thought it nothing. But oh, base, proud, unbelieving heart! I could not take him freely, upon his own terms; because, though I had no doubt that he was able to save me; yet I could not see him willing to receive so vile a wretch. In this dreadful agony, I opened my Bible, and the first words I cast my eye upon were these : 1 Cor. Χ. 13. "There hath no temptation taken you, but such as is common to man: But God is faithful, who will not fuffer you to be tempted above that you are able; but will, with the temptation, also make a way for your escape, that ye may be able to bear it." These words were accompanied with those powerful influences of the spirit of God, which excited in me a sense of the excellence, glory and truth of God, and I had a pleasing confidence and rest in the divine faithfulness, and embraced the promises in these words. As it is not possible for me to express the greatness of the distress, in which I was before; fo it is as much impoffible for me to make any one sensible of the joy, with which I was instantly filled by this gracious promise; except those who experimentally know what it is; for God was pleased, at that moment, to give me faith to lay hold on it. O, how did it fill my heart and mouth with praises, and my eyes with floods of tears!