But at length I bethought myself, that self preservation was a great duty, and therefore I ought to try to get on shore. So I hollowed as loud as I could to the neighbors, who with much difficulty were made to hear, and came to me, fome hours after. There was not another canoe within two or three miles; for I had been driven by the tide some miles, first up and then down the river.

How it would have been with my foul, if God had taken me out of the world at that time, he only knows. Some christians have thought, a saving change was then wrought, and that I should have been happy.

After this, I was more diligent in pursuing, as I thought, the ways of holiness in the way God had appointed; and more watchful against sin. My life was pleasant and sweet. I had great enlargements in duties. But at length grew cold again. O ungrateful foul! to forget such a remarkable deliverance from death.

The next winter I was as wonderfully preserved. The weather being exceeding cold, the river was frozen, so that people, horses and teams went over on the ice. But while it was hard and flippery, I durft not venture on it, for fear of falling. But after a great thaw, so that the ice looked quite black, I, contrary to my parents' orders again, they being from home, went quite over to the other fide, which was a mile. But the tide was rifing, so I could not get on shore: And when I looked round me, I could fee nothing but great holes, as large as houfes, or larger, fome of them. There was no way for me, but to go straight back again; which

which I did. But the water was almost over hoes all the way; and the ice, it seemed to me, bent every step I took. And when I got back, the water was so risen, that I was much beset to get on shore: And it was in the dusk of the evening. But at last, with much difficulty, I found a strip of ice, as narrow as a bridge, which reached the shore, by which I got to land. But when I had got off, and faw the imminent danger to which I had exposed myself, by my folly and prefumption, it made me tremble exceedingly. I presently thought again, how just God would have been, if I had been drowned for my disobedience to my parents; and wondered at his patience in sparing me: But do not remember, that I felt any abiding impreffions; so great was my woful stupidity: Though I think I kept on praying, &c. As to the river, the wind rose presently, and blew very hard from the south, fo that it, with the tide, broke it up, that before bed time there was not a piece of ice of any bigness within fight of our house, which stood close by the river. I am amazed, when I consider how wonderfully God preserved me, a poor sinful worm, fo unworthy of the least mercy.

The next March, we removed to Dighton,* where we lived one year. I remember but one awakening in that time; and that was by hearing of the death of one of my former affociates in Freetown, a young girl, about my age.

Then I was again aftonished at the patience of God, in sparing me alive and out of hell.

B

• A town on the other fide of Taunton river,

Then

Then I renewed my resolutions to lead a new life. But instead of that, in the spring we moved to Rhodeisland, where I foon got into company, and was full of vanity. But my conscience would not let me be easy.

After some fore trials and temptations, I was more comfortable, and had a great defire, I thought, to forsake all fin, and to comply with every commanded duty. I longed to join to the church; but thought I was unworthy. I thought I thirsted for communion with God in the ordinance of the Lord's Supper, and ufed to think, if I came to that, it would certainly be a restraint upon me, so that I should not dare to fin as others did. And when I stayed to fee the ordinance administered, I used to think I could give all this world, I were fit to attend it. My fpirit would even fink within me for the longings I had. Sometimes I should weep so that I could not conceal it. One Sabbath, I went to hear Mr. Clap preach at his own house, where I inclined to go constantly; but my parents went to the other meeting, and were not pleased 1 should go from them: So I went but seldom. But at this time there was a girl of about fourteen years old baptised, which so af-. fected me that I could hardly refrain from crying out in the meeting, when I thought how I had broken the covenant engagements, which my parents had made with God, in my behalf, in my infancy, and fo long abused so great a privilege, as being a child of the covenant: And she, who had not had so much done for her, should now come to defire it herself! I faw,

}

faw, as I thought, such a beauty in her, that I loved her entirely, and wished to be as good as I thought she was. I made new resolutions to live answerable to the mercies I had received : But being made in my own strength I soon fell again. I thought I trusted in God; and used frequently, in times of trial, to go and pour out my complaints to him, thinking he was my only fupport. But I dare not now be positive, or really conclude, that I knew what it was to put my trust in God; for my conduct after this feems fo inconsistent with grace, that I dare not fay I had one fpark of it then; but rather think I was only under a common work of the Spirit : Though fome times I think I had true grace, though very weak. God only knows how it was. O that he would enable me now to give diligence to make my calling and election fure, that I may not be deceived in a matter of fo great importance. But to go on. After this O that with deep humility of foul, with forrow and shame, I could fpeak of it) I relapsed again, and was full of vanity. I kept company with a young man, fomething against my parents' will. But that was owing to false reports raifed of him; for at first they liked him. I made refolutions, that, after I was married, I would lead a new life, flattering myfelf that then 1 should not have the hinderances which I now had. 1 used bitterly to reflect upon myself, when I had given myself liberty to be merry; for though I appeared outwardly so, I had no real pleasure: But ttill put off repentance, or an entire breaking off from vanity, till a more convenient season; and

fo

so refifted the Spirit of God. O Lord, how just hadst thou been, if thou hadst left me entirely to myself! And if thou hadst, nothing would have been too bad for such a vile wretch as I to have committed. But blessed be God, who withheld me from such fins as would have brought me to open justice, and exposed myfelf and family to shame and disgrace.

In process of time, I was married to Mr. Samuel Wheaten, being in my eighteenth year, Oс. tober 21, 1731, and went with my husband, the next winter, to see his friends in the country; where I stayed almost five months; and was almost all the time under strong convictions. Oh, how I did sweat and tremble for fear my convictions should wear off again, and plead with God to fet home strong convictions, and never, never suffer them to cease, till they ended in a found and saving converfion; till I knew and was sure that I had a saving interest in Jesus Chrift, and was freely forgiven for his fake! And this was the substance of my frequent prayers ever after, when I could pray at all with earnestness; that I might never rest more, till I was sure my peace was made with God.

From this time I had a hope again, at times, that Christ was mine. But it was some years after before it pleased God to answer it fully, by giving me an afsurance of it. But then I longed again for the ordinance of the Lord's supper, though some times shocked by that awful text, " He who eateth and drinketh unworthily, eateth and d rinketh damnationto himself." But resolved