CHAP. IV.

Difcovering how the fpirit of adoption fucceeded the Spirit of bondage, and what glorious effects enfued thereupon.

THE laft day of my bondage state, when I looked for nothing but a going down to the nethermoft hell; in the inconceivable horror and amazing confternation of my spirit, there was a place of scripture which run in my thoughts from morning to bed-time. The place of scripture was, Isaiah xliii. 25. I, even I, am he, that blotteth out thy tranfgreffions for mine own fake, and will not remember thy fins.

This fcripture got fuch hold of my mind and thoughts, that albeit I no more understood the fenfe or meaning of the fpirit of God in it, or how it came into my mind that day, than a pagan, that never knew any thing of the true God; I could not poffibly keep my thoughts fixed on any thing all the day but on that very fcripture. Rolling and tumbling the bare words in my thoughts inceffantly; thus, I, even I, am he, that blotteth out thy tranfgreffions for mine own fake, and will not remember thy fins. I, even I, am he, that blotteth out thy tranfgreffions for mine own fake, and will not remember thy fins. And fo all the day till bed-time.

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I was

I was fomewhat aftonished at the change which I found in myself, in reference to my thoughts about the scriptures: for whereas before, during the ftate of my spiritual bondage, which was between three and four years, I could think of no fcriptures but fuch as treated of damnation, of falling away, and of finning against the Holy Ghoft; always applying the fame to myself, defperately concluding that my own doom was in thofe terrible fcriptures fet forth and discovered; I that day forgot thofe terrifying fcriptures, and could, as I faid, think of nothing but that place in Ifa. xliii. 25. above mentioned; and that without the leaft apprehenfion what the fenfe of the Spirit in thefe words fhould be, or how or wherefore that fcripture fhould make fuch a forceable entry on my mind and thoughts, as to eject and banifh from my thoughts and remembrance the other terrible fcriptures; by the wrong application of which, my ftate and condition became as to my own fenfe and thoughts equal to that of the damned.

At night after my Lord had fupped, and while the inferior of the family were at fupper, I ftole my opportunity, refolving in myself that none fhould know where I was, or fufpect what I was about: upftairs I got without a candle, the night being moonshine, I was all of a sweat, and a strange horror fell on me, occafioned by the conceit and apprehenfion I had that the devil accompanied me upstairs, whose steppings along with mine I strongly

imagined I heard, which caufed me to keep my eyes clofed for fear I fhould fee the devil in a vifible shape. While I was unlocking the chamber door, I found the horror and fright under which I laboured greatly to increase, the devil fuggefting that he would either pull me back from entering into the chamber, or else that he would enter along with me to hinder or distract me in my intended devotion. All this while the place of fcripture above mentioned ran still in my thoughts as before. Being entered into my chamber all in a sweat and unusual confternation of fpirit, I ftood before the bedfide where I ufed to kneel in praying, and with my eyes closed as I was taking myself to task, endeavouring to recollect my memory, Where I had been that day? With what company I had conver fed? What duties I had knowingly omitted? And what immoralities I had any ways confented to? All on a fudden I found the eyes of my understanding fo clearly enlightened that I was enabled to know and understand the meaning of that place of scripture which run all that day in my thoughts. A fcripture than which the whole Book of God could not afford a more fuitable text for the de fign: therein, which was to debase the creature, and to extol and to advance the grace and mercy of the most high Jehovah ; who alone, excluding all others, is God over all, bleffed for evermore.

I was from the time of my firft awakening as above mentioned poffeffed of an opinion, that conE 4 verfion

I

'verfion confifted in an external or outward reformation of the life, and that it was in the power of the creature to effect the fame; and that, by repenting of the by-paft follies of youth, and by a ftrenuous and zealous conftancy in walking ftrictly according to the precepts of the moral law, both negatively and pofitively for the time to come. was then under the predominancy of a legal spirit, and acting under the covenant of works; looking with the bond-woman's children for juftification and life eternal in the way of good works; reckoning it the only fure and fafe way to expect falvation by performing the conditions of the covenant of works, and abounding in fuch perfonal qualifications as might render me acceptable to God; of which I have often thought I had as great measure as any man now living. I fhall not infift on the particulars of thofe inherent qualifications, wherein I am apt to believe I did match, if not outstrip, the stricteft moralift I know, who is yet in his natural state. In fhort, I was exceeding zealous in th law, not in the leaft understanding the fpiritual meaning thereof, or how miserably wretched I was, by reafon of its condemning fentence, against not only my worst but also against my most refined acts of morality. I did then, as too many do at this day of gofpel light, viz. fet up the letter of the law in oppofition to the spirit of the law

But

Reader, This author found fomething more than the

bare

But it so pleased God, that by his enabling me to understand the mind of his fpirit in that text, I foon became convinced that I had taken wrong methods, in order to get from under the law's curfe, and to have a fettled peace in myself. The courfe I had taken for relieving my wounded and finking fpirit, I perceived to be directly contrary to the gospel way of saving loft finners. I was all for doing and working; and the more works I did, the farther I found myself from true peace and comfort. My chief and only work now was believing in the Son of God, in whom alone that righteoufness is to be found which reconciles a finner

bare letter of the law; he found the wrath of God, the curfe of God, the fentence of death, the fpirit of bondage, the terrors of the Almighty, and the fears and horrors of hell, levelled at him by the law, as foon as the law had discovered the guilt and filth of his foul, and brought him in guilty of death and damnation. And I believe that fome in our days who, in word, make it their only rule of life, would find that the law would allow of no indwelling fin, no not even in the believer, much lefs finful words and actions in bond children who are under it. It is holy, perfect, just, and good, and nothing but perfection can ftand before it; and that they would find, if they did but make it the rule of their thoughts and deeds, in reality, as well as in words. Bleffed be God we are delivered from the law; and, if delivered, we are not under that yoke. Yea, we are become dead to the law; and, if so, it will be hard to prove that we are alive to it as our only rule of life. We are neither to walk by fight, nor ferve in the oldness of the letter. We are to walk by faith, and serve in the newness of the spirit. W. H. S. S.

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