to be mounted on a filthy high pillion, behind their lord and masters, to show their obedience to the world at large, and to prove that their husbands governed them like children, who were unfit to be trusted alone. Col. B. Would it not be as liberal to suppose, Madam, the husbands adopted such a measure for the safety of their wives, the better to enable them to give assistance in case of danger, or She's Sir F. Don't be down hearted. Keep it up. only trying you. (aside.) Aye, aye, what the Colonel be very true. says, may Miss S. Very true! No, Sir; it is no such thing as very true. Twas restraint, 'twas tyranny. 'Twas because they would have the docile, domestic drudges, always under their own eye-That they might curb them abroad, as well as at home. But, thanks to time, it has worked a happy reformation, at least, for poor women, as nothing on earth can be more fashionable now than to meet the husband at one end of the town, and the wife at another. The further asunder, the greater the happiness of each. In my opinion the present custom is by far the best. Sir F. Zounds, girl, you have been to London for something. Your sentiments are so changed-I am amazed-You cry down men as thieves, cry down judges, without once calling to memory right or reason. Is it not the man's province to rule, and the wife's to obey? Surely the case is clear enough. Miss S. Oh, a very clear case, indeed, Sir Felix! It is very well known that you men will always govern, if you can, whether in the right or wrong. But what says the Colonel? Have I frightened him, poor innocent creature? He looks as tame and demure, I declare, as a ruined spendthrift. Col. B. Sure, she suspects my poverty. (aside.) Sir F. Very well he may, madam. I had prepared the Colonel to receive a very different kind of character in you. I had told him you was an advocate for constancy. That you disliked prodigiously the present system of conduct between man and wife. And you absolutely prove to the contrary, by preferring every thing, to which I said you had the greatest aversion. Miss S. I thought, Sir Felix, you had given the Colonel a lesson how to attack me: and ere I have done, I'll give him one in return. But, before I proceed, it will be but fair to answer your accusation, in regard to my admiration of constancy. Tis true, I once made a silly vow, which I here revoke: never to marry till I had proved my lover constant. But a further experience in the world, has changed my mind on that subject. It has proved that I may pass a life of vexation and misery, in endeavouring to obtain that, which is very rarely to be found. Therefore, I have come to this conclusion, that marriage must ever remain a lottery in life, an event totally depending on chance, whether fate chooses to turn up a blank or a prize. For those, who profess virtues, are generally in the greatest need of them. And that if men are determined to deceive, they will swear any thing, do any thing, nay, bear any thing, to play the sycophant, and lure weak woman into their snare. But the matrimonial knot once tied, 'tis then the tame submissive lamb breaks forth at once, and proves himself a very tyger.' I am determined never to marry one, who labors his speech with a show of constancy, to which his heart was ne'er allied. Such I reject. But should a plain honest Englishman advance, and simply promise to cherish me thro' life, (as by my own conduct I may merit his protection,) I would accept his offer and resign my hand. Col. B. I grant, madam, what you say may be applied to many. But sure there are some exceptions. Would it were my fate, fair lady, to be your partner thro' life, I swear by heaven Miss S. Use not a name so sacred, in a cause like this. Know, to your confusion, I can prove you are not au exception. You are the most inconstant, varying, fickle man, on earth. Sir F. How! Col. B. Madam! Miss S. Observe this copy of verses, Sir. I think you know the hand-writing. And this,—and this,—there are three of them, tho' all to the same tune. Your muse, Colonel, is not very fruitful, to be obliged to send the same words, on three different occasions. But I suppose you are one of the dealers in ready made compliments to the fair sex, and send them to every woman who condescends to return you a civil answer. (Laughs.) Ha! ha! ha! you are confounded, are you? Sir F. Ey, Colonel, why, what is all this? Solve me the mystery, if you please. at Col. B. Sir Felix, it-it-is; that is I was at-at Sir F. Nonsense-it-it-is-that is I was at-atWhy what do you mean by all this? Zounds, Madam, do you explain. Miss S. Most willingly, Sir-You must know, when in London, I was at Lady Rakington's masquerade, where this constant Colonel formed one of the gay Lotharios of the evening. I had but just entered the pavillion, and was walking behind him, when by chance his mask fell to the ground. At the same moment a lady exclaimed, Colonel Belmont, is it you? Having discovered the gentleman's name, I afterwards accosted him, merely to hear what he had to say for himself. Sir F. Merely to hear what he had to say for himself, did you? Miss S. Yes. It was merely for that, Sir Felix. But see the Colonel's going (runs, and catches hold of him.) Nay, nay, Colonel, you shall hear me out.-Well, you must know, Sir Felix, he actually made downright love to ine in a moment. Sir F. And then you were satisfied, I hope? Col. B. Madam, I do intreat you will not Miss S. Yes, yes, Sir. Like a discreet ward, I'll tell my guardian the whole transaction. The moment I could get released, I ran away. But as I drew my hand from his, I was surprised to find it contain a copy of the most romantic verses, lover ever penned. Sir F. That pleas'd your vanity, no doubt ? Col. B. Then I may infer, Madam, that in you I behold the Quaker, the Nun, and the Lady of the Lake? Miss S. You do, Sir. I am that successful she who passed herself upon you for three different persons; and by that means proved the utmost of your constancy is to make love to every woman alike. For these three elegant compositions you favored me with, I return you my best thanks in propriâ personâ, with my very best curtesy. Col. B. Fool that I was, to be outwitted by a woman. Miss S. Nay, take care, Colonel, or the next time your fate may be worse. Col. B. Sir Felix, I wish you a very good evening. Sir F. Pshaw, now stay where you are. I say you shan't go.[ Exit Miss S.] Well, what think you of my ward, now, Colonel ? Col. B. That she is the most enchanting of her sex, Sir Felix but that cursed adventure at the masquerade has ruined me in her opinion for ever. Sir F. Why it was rather unlucky, to be sure. But, after all, it is not proof positive that a woman is not in love with you, because she indulges her fancy in laughing at you a little. Are not a lady's smiles considered a favor? Then, why should you not deem the obligation doubled, when she grins? After all, it is my opinion, she may be induced to forgive you. Col. B. No, never, Sir Felix. She conceives me a hypocrite, and deserving of her scorn. Had I not preached so much of constancy, she might have forgiven me; but now I stand as one condemned, never to be reprieved. Therefore, I thank you, Sir Felix, for your kind intentions, and will take my leave. I cannot brook another interview with Miss Somerville. Sir F. Zounds, man, don't be in such a hurry. Stay a moment, you wont give fortune an opportunity of doing you a good turn, if she would; that's the way with you young fellows. If the blind goddess does not constantly follow you to pour forth her gifts, you will see her at the very devil, before you will condescend to turn back and meet her on the road.-Now, come here.-I will convince you there is still a chance of a wife and a fortune yet. Cast your eyes across the lawn, and tell me what you see there. Col. B. What! there? Sir F. Yes, there by the summer house. Col. B. Why that person, I should suppose to be some poor wandering mendicant coming to beg. Sir F. No Sir, no such thing. That poor mendicant, as you call him, is a favorite son of Fortune's, rich as Croesus. Tis old Gripus, of Barebone Hall. A very valuable acquaintance for you, I assure you, tho' all the rags on his back are not worth ninepence. Col B. To me, Sir Felix? I don't perceive how he can prove valuable to me. Sir F. Because you don't know his beautiful daughter, Colonel. She is a treasure; rich in beauty, rich in sense, rich in gold. The old miser told me the other day he was anxious to see her married. I will propose you to him. I shall tell him a few plumpers. I shan't mind that. I shall say you are rich: and he will catch at you, like a hungry fish at a good bait. Col. B. You are very kind, Sir Felix; deserving of my gratitude. Your generosity will not allow me to involve your honor in disgrace on my account. Rather will you I confess the truth, while I blush to own it, and tell at once, Sir Felix, that all the immense fortune, my father left me, is lost for ever at the gaming table. Sir F. Then you have the more need of a rich wife, to repair your fortune. The Miser's daughter will set all to rights again. Give me your hand. Now you have told me your situation, I will bind you to my heart in bands of friendship, and never rest in peace, till I have driven out poverty, let in love, and paved the way with gold. Old Gripus is entering the house. Do you step asideI must prepare him to receive you, and will call you when I am ready [Enter GRIPUS.] Ah, my good friend, Gripus, I am very glad to see you. You are looking vastly well, my old buck. Grip. Am I, Sir Felix? Then my looks belie me very much. I am a miserable old man, going into my grave as fast as possible. The cares of this world drive me mad. What with the enormous taxes, bad tenants, and gormandizing of servants, I shall certainly be ruined. Yes, my dear friend, I have not a moment's peace, morning, noon, or night. And then, my daughter wishes to he married to a blood-thirsty fellow, who will rob me of 20,0007. on the day he takes my child. Sir F. I thought you told me, the other day, my friend, you wished your daughter married. Grip. So I do, Sir Felix: if she had sense enough to seek out a rich man, who would take her without robbing |