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deal of trouble, but by the mercy of God, I was generally enabled to confute him, and search out the truth, so that his bad designs were brought to nothing; and this worked together for good in the end. But still my father was so exceedingly troubled respecting me, that we had no peace in our family, I thought we should be obliged to part after all. As I could not fully open my mind to him, on account of the warmth of his natural temper, I was determined to write to him. I endeavoured to describe the state of my own mind, and shewed him the extreme danger I apprehended myself to be in. Reasoning the case with him to this purpose: What worse am I in any respect for hearing the Methodists? Am I disobedient to you, or my mother in any thing save this one? Do I neglect any part of my business? Must not every one give an account of himself to God? Doth the law condemn any man before it hear him, and know what he doth? Why then do you condemn the Methodists, whom you have never heard, and know very little of? If you will only hear them three times and prove from the scriptures, that their doctrines are false, I will hear them no more, but if you will not, my conscience obliges me to hear them till it shal! please God to convince me of my mistake by some other means. He seriously considered the contents of my letter, and being exceedingly desirous to reclaim me, he consented to go. The first he heard, was that truly simple and upright man of God, Mr. Matthew Watson, of Leeds, he was not a little surprised to hear him pray, and preach so remarkably well, extem pore, and was pleased, rather than much profited. The next was Mr. Benjamin Beanland, who was an excellent preacher, but he happened to say some thing which he thought reflected upon the clergy; this he could not bear, but was SO highly offended, that he would not so much as take his hat off, during the whole service. The third he heard was Mr. John Pool, whom he liked very well, and was willing to hear a fourth, which happened to be Mr. John Hosmer, whom he greatly approved of, but still he was not convinced; though he could not confute them. However he began to pray that the Lord would be pleased to shew him the good and the right way, and one Sunday morning while he was earnestly crying to God in the stable, where he thought no one could hear him; divine light was communicated to his mind, his conscience was deeply awakened, and he was brought the bitterest distress; insomuch that he trembled exceedingly, and even roared for the very disquietness of his soul;

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he was ashamed and well nigh confounded, so that he could hardly hope for mercy. On this memorable day, my soul was in a sense brought out of prison, as I had from this time full liberty to attend upon all divine ordinances without interruption, and very soon after, both myself and all the . family, eight in number, joined the Society.

. My father invited the preachers to his house in the year 1759, where they have been freely entertained ever since, and in so doing prevented me from making his house a preaching house as he had before said, by making it one himself.

It is well known that particular persons may be very differently affected, when under the awakening influences of the Spirit of God. At this time although I was deeply sensible of my lost and ruined state, and filled with the most intense desire after salvation, yet, I laboured under the intolerable burden of an hard, unaffected, and insensible heart. Ishould have been glad to have wept my very life away, but alas, I mourned because I could not mourn as I wished, and I grieved because Icould not grieve. My soul seemed shut out from the presence of God, I had no access to his throne, no comfortable freedom in prayer, I was all surrounded with clouds and thick darkness, and burdened with spiritual death. The heavens seemed as brass to my lifeless prayers, and the Lord seemed to hide his face, and to refuse to be gracious unto me. I was tempted to think that if I had only been openly wicked, then I might have been brought much sooner to the saving knowledge of God, as then I might have experienced deeper repentance, and by feeling a heavier load of guilt upon my conscience, I should have prayed the more earnestly for pardoning mercy: Hence I thought would it not be the best to turn back for a while, and drink in iniquity like water,' that I may return and repent more effectually! But I could not do this, because sin was exceeding bitter to me, I abhorred it as the accursed thing, and as the cause of all my trouble: Besides I saw that if I should sin wilfully, divine grace might justly be withheld from me, and I should die in sin and perish for ever. Very seasonably, Bunyan's Heart's Ease in Heart Trouble fell into my hand, where I met with this very temptation stated and answered. "Some will say, says the good old man, I have not been so great a sinner as many others, therefore I cannot repent, nor be so deeply humbled as they." He wisely answers,

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but you are an unbeliever, and unbelief is the damning sin, for thus it is written, "He that believeth not shall be damned." I heartily praised the Lord for this word in season. snare of the devil was broken, I saw the state of my soul more clearly than ever, but still I remained in Egyptian bondage.

At this time the Lord greatly revived his work among us, as we had regular preaching in my father's house, many of our neighbours came to hear, several were awakened, and joined the Society, this was matter of great thankfulness to me, but still I was not brought into the liberty of the children of God. I therefore cried earnestly to him, that he would graciously deliver me from that spiritual insensibility which I laboured under; and he condescended to grant my request. I went to Berwick to hear that heart-searching preacher, Mr. Hosmer, and the mighty power of God was present. All on a sudden my heart was broken in pieces, my spirit was deeply wounded, my head was as the waters, and my eyes fountains of tears, and before I was aware, I was crying aloud with an exceeding bitter cry: The trouble and anguish of spirit I then felt, far exceeds all description. The Arrows of the Almighty stuck fast in my flesh, and the poison of them drank up my spirits; and yet I could heartily praise the Lord, while in the deepest distress, because he had answered my long continued prayer. I now sought the Lord with my whole heart, I constantly attended all the ordinances of God, both by night and day. I frequently walked eight or ten miles to hear the preaching, and constantly walked six miles to meet my class. I have gone over the Black moor, so called, many a dark night all alone, and when it has been knee deep in snow: Such were the desires which the Lord gave me, that nothing appeared difficult, nothing hard, that I had to pass through. So deep a sense had I, so keen a conviction of my deplorable condition, as a fallen, guilty, depraved sinner; that I had no rest in my bones by reason of my sin. Like Ephraim of old, I bemoaned myself, and like David, I roared for the very difquietnefs of my foul. My convictions were so exceeding deep and painful, that any one might read the distress of my mind, in my countenance. The things of this world were made bitter to me, and my lawful business became a burden. The love of this world, and all desire of making a figure in Jife, or of conforming to the cuftoms, or fashions of mankind, got their death's wound in my mind, and have never

recovered ftrength to this day, and I am persuaded never will.

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One morning as I was walking in the fields, in the deepest forrow, being ready to conclude, furely there is no help, there is no mercy for me, I have been trying to take the kingdom of heaven by violence for a long time, but notwithstanding all my best, and most powerful efforts, I am a poor prifoner ftill. But the Lord would not fuffer the spirit to fail before him, and the foul which he had made, he comforted my drooping heart by darting these encouraging words into my mind: "O wait thou the Lord's leifure, be strong and he fhall comfort thine heart," hereby I was refreshed for the present, and for fome time was enabled to hope, and quietly wait for the falvation of God. About this time a neighbour of ours was brought to enjoy a fenfe of the love of God under. the third gospel fermon which he heard. This I thought impossible; till I heard Mr. James Oddie give public thanks on his account the next morning. I did not consider that one day with the Lord is as a thousand years, and that time is nothing to him. This poor man had lived many years without God in the world, but feeing me and my brother go fo conftantly past his houfe to the preaching, he was cut to the heart, and thought, What unwearied pains do these young lads take to get to heaven, and I take none at all. From this conviction he began to enquire, what he must do to be faved, and like many others took refuge among the Methodists. He. walked with God many years, and died in great peace while we were commending his foul to God in folemn prayer. The consideration of his fudden converfion, deeply affected my mind, I returned home and retired to my bed chamber, but here I had not room sufficient to vent my extreme diftrefs; I therefore went into the barn, where I thought no one would either fee or hear me: Here I wept, and prayed, and roared aloud, my diftrefs being greater than I was well able to bear, yet I was not without hope, but had an earnest expect. ation that unworthy as I was, the Lord would be gracious unto me. But I was not fo private as I fuppofed; I found my brother was in another part of the barn in as deep diftrefs as myfelf: and my father and mother foon heard our cries, and came to see what was the matter, and foon after my sifter and her husband came alfo, so that we were now six in number, all in the fame ftate of mind, and in the deepeft! diftrefs. Had any of our neighbours either seen or heard us, they would certainly have thought that we were all befide

ourselves. It was indeed a deeply affecting sight; and the more so, as we had no one to assist us in any degree, either by prayer, or christian counsel. But still we were none of us delivered, the children were brought to the birth, but there was not strength to bring forth.

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I sought the Lord as if there was not a person upon earth who wanted salvation but myself; so that although I could not but heartily desire, that all mankind might be saved, yet I could not rejoice, when I heard of different persons being brought into glorious liberty; as I plainly saw if all the world were converted to Ged, if I was not, it would signify nothing to me. I went to the house of God weary and heavy laden, yet in full expectation of meeting with my Saviour there, and many times my soul was, as I thought, just ready to lay hold upon him, but unbelieving fears prevented me. There appears to be a mystery here, which I am inclined to think no man living can fully explain. I am satisfied that there was nothing which I believed contrary to the will of God, that I had not given up, I was perfectly willing, and I had almost said infinitely desirous, to be saved upon God's own terms, and in his own way, and yet I could not believe. So that after more than forty years experience, of the mercy and love of God, I am constrained to believe, that faith is the gift, and the work of God, and that the soul must be under a peculiar influence of the divine spirit, in the act of believing. The infinitely wise and blessed God is perfectly acquainted with the deceitfulness of the human heart, and well knoweth that in the general, what we obtain at an easy rate, we too often set but little value upon, there fore that we may highly prize, and properly improve his grace when we get possession of that heavenly treasure, he gives us deeply to feel the want of it, and in some good measure to know the worth of it, before he imparts it, yea and he gives us, to taste the gall, the wormwood, and bitterness of sin, and makes us heartily sick of it, before he delivers us from it. I adore his sacred name, that he took this method with me, he dug deep, and laid the foundation sure, and hath carried on the building to this day.

The time of my deliverance now drew near, I went to Bardfey to hear Mr. Hofmer. This was a new place and many came from various parts to hear the word of God. An extraordinary influence attended the word that night, there furely was a mighty fhaking among the dry bones; Mr. Hofmer preached upon the words of Ifaiah xli. 40.

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