is highly skilful; and the alarm, which he is made to betray, is natural without being ludicrous. The explanation, too, which he finally gives is not more simple than satisfactory. It appears that the said fragments formed part of a self-exculpatory note, which he had intended to send to Colonel M⭑M-n upon subjects purely professional, and the corresponding bits (which still lie luckily in his pocket) being produced, and skillfully laid beside the others, the following billet-doux is the satisfactory result of their juxtaposition:

Honour'd Colonel-my Wife, who's the Queen of all slatterns, Neglected to put up the Book of new patterns.

She sent the wrong Measures too-shamefully wrongThey're the same us'd for poor Mr Lambert, when young; But, bless you! they wouldn't go half round the R-g-tSo, hope you'll excuse your's, till death, most obedient.

This fully explains the whole mystery-the R-g-t resumes his wonted smiles, and the drama terminates, as usual, to the satisfaction of all parties.

LETTER VIII.

FROM COLONEL TH-M-S TO

COME to our Fete,* and bring with thee
Thy newest, best embroidery!

Come to our Fete, and show again

That pea-green coat, thou pink of men!

ESQ.

Which charm'd all eyes, that last survey'd it;
When Br-mm-l's self inquir'd "who made it?"-
When cits came wond'ring, from the East,
And thought the poet Pye at least!
Oh! come- -(if haply 'tis thy week
For looking pale)—with paly cheek;
Though more we love thy roseate days,
When the rich rouge-pot pours its blaze
Full o'er thy face, and, amply spread,
Tips ev'n thy whisker-tops with red-
Like the last tints of dying day
That o'er some darkling grove delay!
Bring thy best lace, thou gay Philander!
(That lace, like H-rry Al-x-nd-r,
Too precious to be wash'd!)-thy rings,
Thy seals-in short, thy prettiest things!
Put all thy wardrobe's glories on,
And yield, in frogs and fringe, to none

This letter enclosed a card for the grand Fete on the 5th of February,

But the great R-g-t's self alone!
Who-by particular desire-

For that night only, means to hire
A dress from Romeo C-tes, Esquire-
Something between ('twere sin to hack it)
The Romeo robe and hobby jacket!
Hail, first of actors!* best of R-g-t's!
Born for each other's fond allegiance!
Both gay Lotharios-both good dressers-
Of serious farce both learn'd professors-
Both circled round, for use or show,
With cock's-combs, wheresoe'er they go!
Thou know'st the time, thou man of lore
It takes to chalk a ball-room floor-
Thou know'st the time too, well-a-day!
It takes to dance that chalk away.t
The ball-room opens-far and nigh
Comets and suns beneath us lie;
O'er snowy moons and stars we walk,
And the floor seems a sky of chalk!
But soon shall fade the bright deceit,
When many a maid, with busy feet
That sparkle in the lustre's ray,
O'er the white path shall bound and play
Like nymphs along the Milky Way!-
At every step a star is fled,

And suns grow dim beneath their tread!
So passeth life-(thus Sc-tt would write,
And spinsters read him with delight)—
Hours are not feet, yet hours trip on,
Time is not chalk, yet time's soon gone!
But, hang this long digressive flight!
I meant to say, thou'lt see, that night,
What falsehood rankles in their hearts,
Who say the P―e neglects the arts-
Neglects the arts!-no S-

! no:

Thy Cupids answer ""Tis not so;"

* Quem tu, Melpomene, semel

Nascentem placido lumine, videris, &c.-Horat.

The man upon whom thou hast deign'd to look funny,
Thou great Tragic Muse! at the hour of his birth-

Let them say what they will, that's the man for my money,

Give others thy tears, but let me have thy mirth!

To those who neither go to balls nor read the Morning Post, it may be necessary to mention that the floors of ball-rooms, in general, are chalked, for safety and for ornament, with various fanciful devices.

"Hearts are not flint, yet flints are rent,
Hearts are not steel, yet steel is bent."

And every floor, that night, shall tell
How quick thou daubest, and how well!
Shine as thou may'st in French vermillion,
Thou'rt best-beneath a French cotillion;
And still com'st off, whate'er thy faults,
With flying colours in a waltz!

Nor need'st thou mourn the transient date
To thy best works assign'd by fate-
While some chef-d'œuvres live to weary one,
Thine boast a short life and a merry one;
Their hour of glory past and gone
With "Molly, put the kettle on !"*
But, bless my soul! I've scarce a leaf
Of paper left-so, must be brief.

This festive Fete, in fact, will be
The former Fete's fac-simile;t
The same long masquerade of rooms,
Trick'd in such different, quaint costumes
(These, P-rt-r, are thy glorious works!),
You'd swear Egyptians, Moors, and Turks,
Bearing good-taste some deadly malice
Had clubb'd to raise a pic-nic palace;
And each, to make the olio pleasant,
Had sent a state-room as a present!-
The same fauteuils and girandoles-
The same gold asses, pretty souls!
That, in this rich and classic dome,
Appear so perfectly at home!

The same bright river 'mongst the dishes,
But not-ah! not the same dear fishes-
Late hours and claret kill'd the old ones!-
So, 'stead of silver and of gold ones

(It being rather hard to raise

Fish of that specie now-a-days),

Some Sprats have been, by Y-rm-th's wish,
Promoted into Silver Fish,

And Gudgeons (so V-ns-tt-t told

The R-g-t) are as good as Gold!

So, pr'ythee, come-our Fete will be
But half a Fete, if wanting thee!

* A popular country dance.

J. T.

+ C-rl-t-n H-e will exhibit a complete fac-simile, in respect to interior ornament, to what it did at the last fete. The same splendid draperies, &c., &c.-Morning Post.

The salt-cellars on the Pe's own table were in the form of an ass with panniers.

TRIFLES.

Σχολάζοντος Ασχολία.

THE INSURRECTION OF THE PAPERS.

A DREAM.

It would be impossible for his Royal Highness to disengage his person from the accumulating pile of papers that encompassed it.-Lord Castlereagh's Speech upon Colonel M'Mahon's appointment.

LAST night I toss'd and turn'd in bed,
But could not sleep at length I said
"I'll think of Viscount C-stl-r—gh,
And of his speeches-that's the way."
And so it was, for instantly

I slept as sound as sound could be.
And then I dream'd-oh, frightful dream!
Fuseli has no such theme;

never wrote or borrow'd
Any horror, half so horrid !

Methought the P-e, in whisker'd state,
Before me at his breakfast sate;
On one side lay unread petitions,
On t'other, hints from five physicians-
Here tradesmen's bills, official papers.
Notes from my lady, drams for vapours
There plans of saddles, tea and toast,
Death-warrants and the Morning Post.
When lo! the papers, one and all,
As if at some magician's call,
Began to flutter of themselves
From desk and table, floor and shelves,

And, cutting each some different capers,
Advanc'd, oh, jacobinic papers!

As though they said, "Our sole design is
To suffocate his Royal Highness!"
The leader of this vile sedition
Was a huge Catholic petition,
With grievances so full and heavy,
It threaten'd worst of all the bevy.
Then Common-Hall addresses came
In swaggering sheets, and took their aim
Right at the R-g-t's well-dress'd head,
As if determin'd to be read!

Next tradesmen's bills began to fly,

And tradesmen's bills, we know, mount high;
Nay ev'n death-warrants thought they'd best
Be lively too, and join the rest.

But, oh the basest of defections!
His letter about "predilections"-
His own dear letter, void of grace,
Now flew up in its parent's face!
Shock'd with this breach of filial duty,
He just could murmur et Tu, Brute ?"
Then sunk, subdued upon the floor
At Fox's bust, to rise no more!

I wak'd-and pray'd, with lifted hand,
"Oh! never may this dream prove true;
Though paper overwhelms the land,

Let it not crush the Sovereign too!"

PARODY OF A CELEBRATED LETTER.

Ar length, dearest Freddy, the moment is nigh,
When, with P-rc-v-l's leave, I may throw my chains by;
And, as time now is precious, the first thing I do.
Is to sit down and write a wise letter to you.

I meant before now to have sent you this letter,

But Y-rm-th and I thought perhaps 'twould be better
To wait till the Irish affairs were decided-

That is, till both Houses had prosed and divided,
With all due appearance of thought and digestion-
For, though H-rtf-d House had long settled the question,
I thought it but decent, between me and you,
That the two other Houses should settle it too.