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« The pocketloquist will, by its mechanism, fit any subject, and the sense may be put together with as much facility as the parts of one of Newberry's maps for children; now it is not so very easy to put the sense of some of our modern fine speeches together without making them nonsense.
“ I understand that there are some people who chuse to say that the pocketloquist is not by any means à new invention; that it has been used before to great advantage, and in great places; that it is made of metal; that it works by a golden key; that it is known to the lawyers in Westminster-hall; that it is a pick lock; that it has been successfully applied by pickpockets, and has often been used to rob the public. I believe that I am as well acquainted with the weight of metal as any body, and am ready to admit that some orators may have been put in motion for or against, by a secret spring, or by a something that might have given them the word, in the same way as the show-man speaks for Punch, in that ingenious comic representation to be witnessed any day in the streets, and from which I am free to confess I took the hint of my pocketloquist ; but in my invention the proposition is reversed, for the articulation is not conveyed to my little figure, but my little figure speaks for those who have not a word to say for themselves, or a word to spare ; for instance, we will for a moment suppose that there will be, next Friday, a great debate on the motion of Mr. Simpkins; now Mr. Tomkins is in prodigious anxiety to prepare a brilliant speech on the
other side the question. Well, Sir, Mr. Tomkins has nothing to do but to sit down and compose the subject matter, by placing together the following or any other high sounding words; virtue, reform, public credit, one pound notes, patriotism, nothing, something, stocks, omnium, &c. &c. and the machine will work of itself, to the admiration of the whole house, who will call out, Hear him! Hear him! while the newspaper reporters shall be carefully writing down the jargon of my clever little political puppet.
“ The use of the pocketloquist in Westminster-hall must be obvious, and would certainly prevent many little unlucky accidents that sometimes occur ; such as the one which happened only a short time ago An Irish barrister of eminence, who was retained for the plaintif, came, after he had been drinking his two bottles of wine, in a great hurry into court, and snatching up his brief, began to plead with great vehemence for the defendant, and went on in a fine strain of argument until he began to get sober, when he discovered his mistake; but nothing can disturb the assurance, or equal the ingenuity of the law. The barrister, with great address, continued without hesitation; “ Now, gemmen of the jury, I believe that I have said every thing that can be said by my learned brother, for the defendant, which I have done as well to save my learned brother's time, as to shew you how easily those arguments may be refuted." The whole court were astonished at the admirable easy presump- , tion of the barrister, who went on disproving all that he had proved, until he had established his client's case: the counsel for the defendant had not a word left to say, and the counsel for the plaintiff gained his cause. I
presume, Sir, you will now discover the considerable advantage of my little automaton over any accidental orator ; as a counsel would have nothing in the world to do but to recollect which pocket his case may be in, and set it to work accordingly,
Players would also find my invention of great use, as they might set their parts to the proper cues, and not have occasion to take every thing from the side, which must certainly be attended with trouble to themselves and to the prompter. It will also be serviceable to the president of a public company, who will have only to set a sufficient number of toasts, sentiments, good things, and puns, such as are heard in good company; this may be done with great ease by the help of a Joe Milleriana,
6. There can be no doubt of its use among the military in giving the word of command, as my little field officer always speaks in a high tone, and don't stammer,
“ I shall conclude by observing, that I have described and ascertained the nature of my invention freely to you, as to a man who will not infringe upon my patent, but who will assist it with the public, as the specification is neither false ner defective: at any rate,
I think it deserves a trial. A word to the wise is enough, though that doctrine would destroy many a fine orator, and ruin the sale of my little public speaker, whom I wish to speak to some purpose, and to be paid for speaking, otherwise his argument would amount to nothing, which I believe is always the case where nothing is to be gained,
“ Trusting, Sir, that you will, through the medium of your paper, recommend the pocketloquist to the public as an ingenious and useful invention,
I am, with great respect,
With respect to the pocketloquist, I think the thing speaks for itself.
Since the letter I received from the MAN IN ARMOUR, I have been favoured with a communication from the MAN AT THE MAST HEAD, which I shall give to my readers in my next Number.
I have also received numerous cards of invitation to routs, French dinners, petit soupérs, cards and balls, The great Mameluke cannot be more a subject of curiosity than I find myself to be with the town: the following are two of the modish cards that I have received.
Lady Moonshine's compliments, will be at home in the evening to the Man in the Moon Tea and cards."
Park Lane, Nor. 21st, 1823.
“ Miss Puckersleeve's compliments, requests the favour of the Man in the Moon's company on Friday night, to her Bal Masquè."
Portman Square, Nov. 21st, 1803.
I don't think that I can go to either.
The Man in the Moon is not, however, adverse to the recreations of the fashionable world, which he considers to have been much improved within two or three years past; professed gambling at the houses of distinguished ladies has decreased, and dramatic performances, music, readings, &c. often constitute the entertainments of the evening; these may be managed so as to afford mental satisfaction, and the good old' sentiment, “ May the pleasures of the evening bear the morning's reflection,” be exemplified. The petit soupers of refined and elegant people are delectable treats of conversation more than of viands, and wit, chaste repartee, and good humoured mirth constitute the choice repast of the evening. Yet even these should be managed with economy, or the donor may
suffer private anguish in the midst of public entertainment, and feel all the misery extravagance purchases, as the price of ill-judged pleasure.